Humor Quotes

Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth’s awful behavior,” Mandy suggested with optimism.“The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn’t murdered us both yet,” said Alecto, lighting another cigarette, his hands shaking erratically. He looked exhausted and terrified, his gray eyes soulless.“Do you know what Mearth likes, Alecto?” Mandy questioned.“Vegetables, she likes celery a lot, and lettuce,” Alecto responded in a quiet monotone. “I don’t know what else she likes. I’ve never asked her.”“Well, she has to like something… doesn’t everyone?”“Not her, Mandy Valems.

~ Rebecca Mcnutt

This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did.I frowned, What's that?Homework.

~ Richelle Mead

Vampires do breathe, by the way, but their chests don't move like humans'. Have you ever lain in the arms of your sweetheart and tried to match your breathing to his, or hers? You do it automatically. Your brain only gets involved if your body is having trouble. Fortunately there was nothing about this situation that was like being in the arms of a sweetheart except that I was leaning against someone's naked chest. I could no more have breathed with him than I could have ignited gasoline and shot exhaust out my butt because I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car.

~ Robin Mckinley

Alice! You know I love you like a sister!Words. she growled.

~ Stephenie Meyer

The Lone Ranger of vampires. Did that make me Tonto?

~ Robin Mckinley

I'm just being practial. I knew someday I might have to bare my throat to you. Pete and I discussed that very possibility. As for the danger and risk taking, that's what Pete pays me to do. And you and I both know he inteneds to get his money's worth.Jasmine, I cannot-Why not!Because you are not food!I stared at him for a minute; the I started to grin. I couldn't help it.Vayl-I tried to keep my face straight- I'm not asking you to eat me.

~ Jennifer Rardin

With great hotness comes great responsibility.

~ Alyxandra Harvey

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress.

~ Rachel Caine

IF you wish to be a writer then don't wait until you write the great American novel for they aren't written they are created. If you don't write at all you won't know how great that simple book can be.

~ Shiree Mccarver

Carlos: So, what, were they psychos, or... Seth: Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!

~ Quentin Tarantino

Being the evil undead wasn't fun anymore. For one thing, it was increasingly hard to get a library card.

~ Sharon Ashwood

That creature's staying?' It figured. Her daughter-in-law transforming into an animal? No problem. Having to take care of a cat? Crisis. (Sydney Sage-Ivashkov)

~ Richelle Mead

We watched Vamps hunting Vamps, Vamp hunters and Witches torching Vamps, teenage girls kissing Vamps. And we giggled and swooned through it all.

~ Shelly Crane

And vampires never sparkle unless they just ate a stripper.

~ James R. Tuck

I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.

~ Maryjanice Davidson

Why go for something cold and dead, when you can have something hot and panting?

~ K.r. Smith

Cops, I've learned, are like vampires; they can't come in unless you invite them.

~ Jessica Warman

Yes you can let a guy bite you but not on the first date! he has to pay for dinner ! But you can bite him on the first date at no cost that is quite normal

~ Amy Mah

Teagan: How long has it been since you read a book that didn’t havevampires in it?Abby: They write books with no vampires? Wait...the penguins made us read that Shakesrear guy, right?Teagan: Shakespeare.

~ Kersten Hamilton

Nosferatu is the daddy of modern American sex.

~ Andrei Codrescu

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bull shit.

~ Richard Pryor

Because we don't really sparkle.

~ John G. Hartness

Freedom was a foot away when they turned back to me. The one who kept speaking, a tall vamp with a handsome curly-haired glamour, shook his head. Sorry. He bared his fangs in an apologetic grin. We're glad you aren't what's hunting us, but we're no friends of IPCA. And we're all very, very, thirsty.What, no flirting? I asked, trying to buy time. Aren't you going to at least try to be sexy? Think of all those vampire fans out there--they'd be so disappointed. I pulled out my silver knife. Probably should have paid more attention during my knife training. Tell you what. Let me go and I promise not to tell anyone that you aren't suave.

~ Kiersten White

Something you killed didn't stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin.

~ Christopher Farnsworth

Come on, it is a guest bedroom! If you want your guests to feel at home, they should be allowed to do whatever they do at home!

~ Daniele Lanzarotta

The Boogeyman,' he said, just to be sure. 'The Boogeyman killed an employee of the President of the United States.'The president nodded.Some days, Zach thought, I really hate this job.

~ Christopher Farnsworth

Great googly-moogly, I needed to stay away from this vampire.

~ K.f. Breene

Yes,” Bernarde quipped, “Deal with me, Jean Luc. Come and dance with the night, brother. Let us battle ‘till the sun turns us to ash.

~ Katerina Martinez

He's doing a sniffing thing! I've already been through this, it's how I got stuck with Aiden!! Meryn yelled

~ Alanea Alder

For every ten vampires who are happy being monsters, there's always one sad-sack who misses the sunrise.

~ Tori Centanni

Alas, my being the James Bond of vampires isn't the whole issue. Vanity must wait.

~ Anne Rice

Oh hell no,” he exclaimed, shaking his head. “I’m not playing Buffy the goddamn Vampire Slayer with you.

~ D.l. Wainright

Mad cow disease? A crazy hunger for blood. There had to be a reasonable explanation for all of this. And there's no such thing as vampires, right?

~ Alisha Costanzo

Bard eyed him like he was manure on her shoes at the same time she did things, like sharpen a wooden stake, something she knew didn't work on him, but that was not her point, even if she was making one.

~ Kristen Ashley

The second time, I had a freakin’ vampire at my back.” I froze. Oh shit. “No offense, Mr. Moreau,” I quickly added.“None taken, Agent Fraser. During the course of my lengthy life, I have been called many things, but ‘freakin’’ has never been one of them. I’ll consider it a novelty.

~ Lisa Shearin

No. I don’t give that number out to every Tom, Dick and Dracula,” Morgan muttered.

~ Michelle Rabe

If it was appropriate to judge a person based on her footwear - and it obviously was - I decided I liked her immediately.

~ Chloe Neill

Snug pants, bandeau-type corset, and trim, motorcycle jacket. It was a fabulous outfit, but it was so urban-fantasy book cover

~ Chloe Neill

Kaien Cross: You both entered the room in the same pose! Ooh! If Yuki had seen it, she'd have been so happy! The mystique!Ichiru: Zero, is he always like this?Zero: Yeah...he doesn't act anything like his former self now...why're you sticking to me?Ichiru: Because you hate it when I do it (I'm being a pest).Zero(to Cross): Hey. Don't take a photo.Kaien Cross (thinking): The Kiryus really are twins.

~ Matsuri Hino

Yuki (in a standoff with Zero): We're going to stay like this until vol. 10? Why...don't we sit down...Zero?Zero: I can't. If I sit down, I won't be able to get up again. (I've reached my limits in many ways).Yuki: Well, I'm going to sit...

~ Matsuri Hino