Stand Up Comedy Quotes

I want my rockstars dead.

~ Bill Hicks

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the Bible that are within a 5 mile radius of the guy writing it.

~ Jim Jefferies

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bull shit.

~ Richard Pryor

There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to a certain crowd, or maybe get them corporate work. I've always written jokes that I would want to hear. So, I'm trying to entertain myself more than anything.

~ Jim Jefferies

The Mob essentially created the term 'stand-up comic'—according to eighty-six-year-old comedian Dick Curtis: 'The Outfit used to manage fighters. A stand-up fighter is a guy that is a puncher. A stand-up guy was a guy who was tough and you could depend on. The Outfit managed fighters and they managed clubs that booked comics, so the term found its way into the lexicon of nightclubs. A guy who just stood there and punched jokes—joke, joke, joke—he was a stand-up comic.

~ Kliph Nesteroff

No small part of the club's audience consisted of would-be comics, as well as the leading comics of the day. In fact, there were so many gagsters around that it was difficult to know who was part of the act and who was just sitting in.

~ Kliph Nesteroff