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Humor Quotes

Humor quote from classy quote

I'm not trouble at all. I'm just a guy trying to get a girl to give him the time of day. I'm like every song on the radio.

~ Hailey Abbott

Hailey Abbott Boys Girls Humor Love Radio

Someday, my young friend, you'll find out that girls are actually people too. Just like you and me.

~ Heather Brewer

Heather Brewer Girls Humor

Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on.-Annik Marchand

~ Ann Brashares

Ann Brashares Girls Humor Pants

They mean hot like 'I'm too good for you I got my own money don't be frontin' me.' You're more like 'Be my boyfriend I'll make you cookies come meet my dad ' know what I mean

~ Laurie Halse Anderson

Laurie Halse Anderson Boyfriends Girls Humor

Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls

~ Jordan Sonnenblick

Jordan Sonnenblick Girls Humor Love

The prettier the wine bottle, the higher the likelihood sorority girls will buy it.

~ Lauren Leto

Lauren Leto Girls Humor Sorority

Girls with their legs crossed, girls with their legs not crossed, girls with terrific legs, girls with lousy legs, girls that looked like swell girls, girls that looked like they'd be bitches if you knew them... You figured most of them would probably marry dopey guys. Guys that always talk about how many miles they get to a gallon in their goddam cars. Guys that get sore and childish as hell if you beat them at golf, or even just some stupid game like ping-pong. Guys that are very mean. Guys that never read books. Guys that are very boring.

~ J.d. Salinger

J.d. Salinger Girls Guys Holden Caulfield Humor

Lions and tigers and pissed-off girls, oh my.

~ Katie Bayerl

Katie Bayerl Girls Humor

Speaking of my things, you weren't actually using that darling little study were you? sheasked sweetly.Her mate's eyes narrowed. Why?Because I am commandeering it for my closet.Closet? My study is over three hundred square feet. His shocked expression was adorable.Good point. Do you use the library as well?He stared unblinking. Yes, actually I do.Oh well. I'll need to call in a contractor to remodel the study into functional wardrobe.

~ Alanea Alder

Alanea Alder Fashion Girls Humor

Madison sparkled like the words on her oversized chest. There was glitter embedded in her eye shadow, in her lip gloss, in her nail polish, hanging from her ears in shoulder grazing hoops, dangling from her wrists in blingy bracelets. If the lights went out in the hallway, she could light it up like a human disco ball.

~ Danielle Paige

Danielle Paige Girls Glitter Humor Popular Girls

... And what am I to do?Well, that depends. Do you like the girl?Like her? I don't know. How do you know if...?It's very simple. Do you look at her furtively and feel like biting her?Biting her?On her backside, for example.

~ Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Carlos Ruiz Zafón Girls Humor Like

Because you're a girl and when a girl says she's fine, she's lying.

~ J.a. George

J.a. George Girls Humor Lying

I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case.

~ P. Anastasia

P. Anastasia Aliens Cellphones Cute Fire Starter Fluorescence Funny Girls Humor P Anastasia Teen

Where's Izzy? cried Alice. I'm right here! Izzy was heard, but there was no sight of her floating friend. Izzy's invisible! yelled Melanie.Invisible and flying! Colleen added nervously.

~ Katie Mattie

Katie Mattie Flying Girls Humor Invisible

Girls like good-looking guys, and I am not very good-looking. In fact, I sort of look like a pudding

~ Jesse Andrews

Jesse Andrews Funny Girls Humor

You need your beauty sleep for tomorrowshe tells us don't stay up too late talkingWe ignore her of course.The whole point of a sleepover is to stay up too late talking.

~ Heather Vogel Frederick

Heather Vogel Frederick Girls Humor Sleepover

He said, I won't have one of those things in the house. It gives a young girl a false notion of beauty, not to mention anatomy. If a real woman was built like that she'd fall on her face.She said, If we don't let her have one like all the other girls she'll feel singled out. It'll become an issue. She'll long for one and she'll long to turn into one. Repression breeds sublimation. You know that. He said, It's not just the pointy plastic tits, it's the wardrobes. The wardrobes and that stupid male doll, what's his name, the one with the underwear glued on.She said, Better to get it over with when she's young. He said, All right but don't let me see it.She came whizzing down the stairs, thrown like a dart. She was stark naked. Her hair had been chopped off, her head was turned back to front, she was missing some toes and she'd been tattooed all over her body with purple ink, in a scrollwork design. She hit the potted azalea, trembled there for a moment like a botched angel, and fell.He said, I guess we're safe.

~ Margaret Atwood

Margaret Atwood Barbie Beauty Feminine Femininity Gender Gender Roles Gender Stereotypes Girls Humor Role Models Women

Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes.

~ J.k. Rowling

J.k. Rowling Funny Girls Harry Potter Hermione Humor Parvati

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Brain Humor Insanity Life Sanity

It is a popular fact that nine-tenths of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. Not even the most stupid Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around several pounds of unnecessary gray goo if its only real purpose was, for example, to serve as a delicacy for certain remote tribesmen in unexplored valleys.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Brain Humor

Not all tongues that wag cohabit with a brain.

~ Donita K. Paul

Donita K. Paul Bardon Brain Humor Tongue Tongues

The most powerful sex organ was the brain, you know what that meansPoor Justin!

~ Sarah Strohmeyer

Sarah Strohmeyer Brain Humor

Herr Kafka, essen Sie keine Eier. (As one and only piece of dialog K recalls from his meeting with Rudolf Steiner - Mr. Kafka don't eat eggs.

~ Franz Kafka

Franz Kafka Criticism Humor Scepticism

If Patti Lupone was born to play Evita then Madonna was born to play Patti Lupone playing Evita.

~ Buck Bannister

Buck Bannister Criticism Humor Musicals Theater

If Makar Denisych was just a clerk or a junior manager, then no one would have dared talk to him in such a condescending, casual tone, but he is a 'writer', and a talentless medio

~ Anton Chekhov

Anton Chekhov Criticism Humor Writing

For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.

~ Jonathan Swift

Jonathan Swift Criticism Humor

A book can tell me anything it wants to, but I sure as shit don't have to believe it.

~ Tiger Gray

Tiger Gray Critical Thinking Criticism Humor

Will you read this? I think maybe it sucks. Or maybe it's awesome. It's probably awesome. Tell me it's awesome, okay? Unless it sucks. — Nick

~ Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Rowell Criticism Humor Writing

Relax and breathe. The trouble with imaginative people is that we're good at picturing the worst that could happen to us. Fear is often just the imagination taking a wrong turn. Bad criticism is not the end of the world. As far as I know, no one has ever died from a bad review. Take a deep breath and accept whatever comes.

~ Austin Kleon

Austin Kleon Criticism Fear Humor

Cookbooks, it should be stressed, do not belong in the kitchen at all. We keep them there for the sake of appearances; occasionally, we smear their pages together with vibrant green glazes or crimson compotes, in order to delude ourselves, and any passing browsers, that we are practicing cooks; but in all honesty, a cookbook is something you read in the living room, or in the bathroom, or in bed.

~ Anthony Lane

Anthony Lane Cookbooks Cooking Criticism Humor Reading

Humor is tragedy plus time.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Humor Tragedy

One hardly need believe that the events in your life are actually planned as bolts from the blue, sent special delivery from a deity who is testing and training you like a lab rat! And that is what we are saying when we fretfully ask, What can God be trying to teach me through this tragedy?

~ Robert M. Price

Robert M. Price Humor Tragedy

They are tragic,' said Vetinari, 'and we laugh at their tragedy as we laugh at our own. The painted grin leers out at us from the darkness, mocking our insane belief in order, logic, status, the reality of reality. The mask knows that we are born on the banana skin that leads only to the open manhole cover of doom, and all we can hope for are the cheers of the crowd.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Clowns Humor Tragedy

Carpenter: Call Shen Te, someone! She's good!Shui Ta: Certainly. She's ruined.

~ Bertolt Brecht

Bertolt Brecht Humor Tragedy

Author is the prisoner of his thoughts .

~ Rajiv Bakshi

Rajiv Bakshi Comedy Humor Humor Tragedy Wit

What are you doing?” I asked. “Are we getting all Fifty Shades up in here?” He shushed me. “Nothing that dangerous. You won’t need a safe word.

~ Sophia Bleu

Sophia Bleu Humor New Adult Romance Sexy

People who could easily be mistaken as preteens just shouldn’t even try to pull off the look-at-me-I’m-so-serious-and-mysterious-and-sexy look. Especially while driving because, please, you look like you are twelve and a half and driving with a serious look. Most kids who get the opportunity to drive illegally are smiling so big that they look dyslexic and about to piss their pants with excitement because they are in operation of a vehicle that isn’t manufactured by PlayStation.

~ Chase Brooks

Chase Brooks Driving Humor Playstation Preteens Sexy

Katy skipped over, her low-rise jeans threatening to fall off her skinny hips. With some girls, that was a sexy look. With Katy, it made you nervous.

~ Sara Zarr

Sara Zarr Humor Jeans Sexy Teenagers

[Jack] checked his watch, then returned to studying her back. damn if she didn't have a nice back, too - smooth, unblemished skin, nicely shaped vert

~ Sarah Mayberry

Sarah Mayberry Humor Sexy Vertebrae

It’s like a meatloaf.

~ Nicki Elson

Nicki Elson Humor Sexy
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