Humor Quotes

Hit ain't sacrilege. Miss Effie Belle says when she cain't think what to have for dinner, she asts God and right off He gives her an idea. To my thinkin', thet's sacrilege.Miss Love really laughed. There's not a woman in the world who hasn't prayed what to cook for dinner, Rucker!

~ Olive Ann Burns

Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing

~ Ricky Maye

Nobody think about that broken heart... life goes on, broken heart never join together but it tries very hard to get joined again. That;swhy may be it said Heart is like a mirror, if its broken can never be joined.

~ Shahid Islam

- Padre Peregrine, non ti comporterai mai con un po' di serietà?- No, finché il nostro Signore benedetto non farà altrettanto. Ti prego, non fare quella faccia così terribilmente scandalizzata! Il Signore non è mai troppo serio. In effetti, è difficile dire che cos'altro sia, oltre a infinito amore. E l’amore più puro è anche letizia, non ti sembra? Non puoi amare nessuno, senza andare d’accordo con lui, e non puoi andare d’accordo con chiunque in qualunque momento, a meno di non ridere di lui bonariamente. E’ vero o no? Senza dubbio noi somigliamo a buffi animaletti che si rivoltano nella coppa della marmellata, e Dio deve amarci tanto più in quanto risvegliamo il Suo senso umoristico.

~ Ray Bradbury

I agreed to keep the cards a secret and asked my grandmother if she believed in magic. She said she did not but that, surprisingly, magic worked even if you did not believe in it.

~ Michael Chabon

By morning, Adelaide was beginning to understand why she'd never completely understood how God worked. Given that He had made the bewildering, maddening, incomprehensible species that was man from His own image, it stood to reason that the Creator would be a complicated mass of logic never meant to be understood by the female mind. That, or the fall of man in the Garden of Eden had taken them even further off the path than she'd ever realized

~ Kristi Ann Hunter

Always mystify, torture, mislead, and surprise the audience as much as possible.

~ Don Roff

People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love writing, but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, 'You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, Giftless. I'm not your agent and I'm not your mommy: I'm a white piece of paper. You wanna dance with me?' and I really, really don't. I'll go peaceable-like.

~ Aaron Sorkin

I don’t ask writers about their work habits. I really don’t care. Joyce Carol Oates says somewhere that when writers ask each other what time they start working and when they finish and how much time they take for lunch, they’re actually trying to find out, Is he as crazy as I am? I don’t need that question answered.

~ Philip Roth

Jane's stories are too sensible. Then Diana puts too much murders into hers. She says most of the time she doesn't know what to do with the people so she kills them off to get rid of them. -Anne Shirley

~ L.m. Montgomery

From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

Part of the appeal of the fantastic is taking ridiculous ideas very seriously and pretending they're not absurd.

~ China Miéville

I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil.

~ Truman Capote

The recipe for great art has always been misery and a good bowel movement.

~ Don Roff

If you haven't cried at least once while writing a chapter of your inspirational book, then you have to ask yourself if your're writing fiction.

~ Shannon L. Alder

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

~ Mel Brooks

Being a writer is 1% inspiration, 50% perspiration and 49% explaining you're not a millionaire like J.K.Rowling.

~ Gabrielle Tozer

To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as Thank God its Friday (without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive its (no apostrophe) with the contractive it's (with apostrophe) is an unequivocal signal of illiteracy and sets off a Pavlovian kill response in the average stickler.

~ Lynne Truss

Personally, I think so-called common language is more interesting and apropos than proper English; it's passionate and powerful in ways that wherefore art thou ass and thy elbow just isn't.

~ J.r. Ward

The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason they write so very little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out.

~ Anne Lamott

Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day.

~ Lemony Snicket

You should spend more time reading the Good Book and less reading all those novels. What are you going to tell the Lord on Judgement Day when He asks you why you didn't read your bible? Hmm? I said. To myself.

~ Jennifer Donnelly

Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.

~ Anne Lamott

Writer's block is just a symptom of feeling like you have nothing to say, combined with the rather weird idea that you should feel the need to say something. Why? If you have something to say, then say it. If not, enjoy the silence while it lasts. The noise will return soon enough.

~ Hugh Macleod

I cringe when critics say I'm a master of the popular novel. What's an unpopular novel?

~ Irwin Shaw

You can't judge a book by it's cover but you can sure sell a bunch of books if you have a good one.

~ Jayce O'neal

It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand. ~ Brian Stimpson, Clockwise

~ John Cleese

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

~ Bauvard

I started out of course with Hemingway when I learned how to write. Until I realized Hemingway doesn't have a sense of humor. He never has anything funny in his stories.

~ Elmore Leonard

...there was practically one handwriting common to the whole school when it came to writing lines. It resembled the movements of a fly that had fallen into an ink-pot, and subsequently taken a little brisk exercise on a sheet of foolscap by way of restoring the circulation.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

Where would David Copperfield be if Dickens had gone to writing classes? Probably about seventy minor characters short, is where. (Did you know that Dickens is estimated to have invented thirteen thousand characters? Thirteen thousand! The population of a small town!)

~ Nick Hornby

The pen is mightier than the sword unless it's a real sword in which case the guy with the pen should run away fast.

~ Roger Eschbacher

If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?

~ Jennifer Weiner

Pen-bereavement is a serious matter.

~ Anne Fadiman

Anyone and everyone taking a writing class knows that the secret of good writing is to cut it back, pare it down, winnow, chop, hack, prune, and trim, remove every superfluous word, compress, compress, compress...Actually, when you think about it, not many novels in the Spare tradition are terribly cheerful. Jokes you can usually pluck out whole, by the roots, so if you're doing some heavy-duty prose-weeding, they're the first to go. And there's some stuff about the whole winnowing process I just don't get. Why does it always stop when the work in question has been reduced to sixty or seventy thousand words--entirely coincidentally, I'm sure, the minimum length for a publishable novel? I'm sure you could get it down to twenty or thirty if you tried hard enough. In fact, why stop at twenty or thirty? Why write at all? Why not just jot the plot and a couple of themes down on the back of an envelope and leave it at that? The truth is, there's nothing very utilitarian about fiction or its creation, and I suspect that people are desperate to make it sound manly, back-breaking labor because it's such a wussy thing to do in the first place. The obsession with austerity is an attempt to compensate, to make writing resemble a real job, like farming, or logging. (It's also why people who work in advertising put in twenty-hour days.) Go on, young writers--treat yourself to a joke, or an adverb! Spoil yourself! Readers won't mind!

~ Nick Hornby

History is gossip that's been legitimized, and that's really the case when you get into some of the Roman historians. Wow! They'd be right at home on reality tv.

~ Esther M. Friesner

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument...and the occasional bar fight.

~ J. Michael Straczynski

To write a novel, you need an iron butt.

~ Richard M. Nixon