If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.

~ Anonymous

Anonymous Thank Yous Closures

A sense of humor is the ability to laugh at your own jokes when your friends tell them.

~ Patricia Jasper Clark

Patricia Jasper Clark Thank Yous Closures

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.

~ George Miller

George Miller Thank Yous Closures

Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means I can't believe I spent ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry.

~ Mike Kalin

Mike Kalin Thank Yous Closures

I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.

~ Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx Thank Yous Closures

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

~ Martin H. Fischer

Martin H. Fischer Thank Yous Closures

There are no perfect people - except of course my wife's first husband.

~ Anonymous

Anonymous Thank Yous Closures

Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

~ Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason Thank Yous Closures

I love a finished speaker I really truly do. I don't mean one who's polished I just mean one who's through.

~ Anonymous

Anonymous Thank Yous Closures

Remember if God had wanted this to be perfect he never would have had me up here.

~ Anonymous

Anonymous Thank Yous Closures

It is always dullest before the yawn.

~ Bob Phillips

Bob Phillips Thank Yous Closures

I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them.

~ Anonymous

Anonymous Thank Yous Closures

I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.

~ Wendy Morgan

Wendy Morgan Thank Yous Closures

Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.

~ Robert De Niro

Robert De Niro Thank Yous Closures

Here's to one of the most beautiful kind thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.

~ Anonymous

Anonymous Thank Yous Closures

Another fine mess you've got us in Stanley.

~ Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy Thank Yous Closures

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

~ Troy Anderson

Troy Anderson Thank Yous Closures

Let's face it some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

~ Maria Morgan

Maria Morgan Thank Yous Closures

If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted I beg his pardon.

~ Johannes Brahms

Johannes Brahms Thank Yous Closures

Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

~ Henny Youngman

Henny Youngman Thank Yous Closures

I thank you for not snoring.

~ Marlon Brando

Marlon Brando Thank Yous Closures

Thank God for the journey.

~ James Brown

James Brown Journey Thank God Thank

Thank God I'm an atheist.

~ Luis Buñuel

Luis Buñuel Thank God Atheist Thank

I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.

~ George Bernard Shaw

George Bernard Shaw Thank God Atheist Thank