I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth
You can't act like a skunk without someone's getting wind of it.
~ Lorene Workman
I don't gamble. I invest with a risk.
~ Howard Crossman
At home I am a nice guy but I don't want the world to know. Humble people I've found don't go very far.
~ Muhammad Ali
I never gossip but I can give you the names of certain people who do.
~ Judy Hampton
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
~ Jules Renard
He talks at the drop of a pause.
~ John Mason Brown
Deep down I'm really shallow.
~ Linda Merkin
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have - and I think he's a dirty little beast.
~ W. S. Gilbert
Everyone is ignorant only on different subjects.
~ Will Rogers
What a pity human beings can't exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.
~ Olin Miller
She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.
~ Dorothy Parker
The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking but that he won't let you stop listening.
~ Anonymous
Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on what people will do.
~ Raymond Nash
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
~ Fran Lebowitz
When compelled to cook I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.
~ Russell Baker
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
~ W. C. Fields
It gives me great strength to know that half the people I meet are below average.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing other patients.
~ Oscar Levant
We'd all like a reputation for generosity and we'd all like to buy it cheap.
~ Mignon Mclaughlin
I may have faults but being wrong ain't one of them.
~ Jimmy Hoffa
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said No bablo ingles.
~ Ronnie Shakes
I'm not at all stuck up . . . although judging from those around me I have every right to be.
Lead me not into temptation I can find the way myself.
~ Rita Mae Brown
Let's just say he has too many pigeons on his antenna.
I have my standards. They may be low but I have them.
~ Bette Midler
She's not moody. She's just known for her versatility of emotions.
~ Louise Lotz
Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.
~ Patrick Murray
Show me someone who never gossips and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.
~ Barbara Walters
I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish I'll know how it turned out.
~ Nora Ephron
Well-adjusted means you can make the same mistakes over and over again and keep smiling.
~ George Bergman
When someone sings his own praises he always gets the tune too high.
~ Mary Waldrip
Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.
~ Peter De Vries
I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
~ Mark Twain
Laugh and the world laughs with you snore and you sleep alone.
~ Katharine Whitehorn
How like herrings and onions our vices are in the morning after we have committed them.
~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
~ Abraham Lincoln
