Wit Quotes

I was going to write a sharp witty email full of devastating one-liners but I suspect you want something nicer than that

~ Lucy Robinson

Old Madame du Deffand and her friends talked for fifty years without stopping. And of it all, what remains? Perhaps three witty sayings. So that we are at liberty to suppose either that nothing was said, or that nothing witty was said, or that the fraction of three witty sayings lasted eighteen thousand two hundred and fifty nights, which does not leave a liberal allowance of wit for any one of them.

~ Virginia Woolf

You can tell a really wonderful quote by the fact that it's attributed to a whole raft of wits.

~ Anna Quindlen

Jordan, there isn't a straight woman or gay man alive who wouldn't drop everything to have dinner with you. I've been in this business for all of my life, and I know the difference between people who pretend to like you to get ahead, and people who are actually interested in getting to know you. Patrick wants to get to know you. Preferably naked, but that’s up to you.” “I can’t wait until you’re old enough to be senile and start saying these things in public.” “I’m very lucky to have such a loving son.

~ Matthew Haldeman-Time

Magda was reading a book by a Trappist, in a better mood, and I was sitting on the edge of the bed, fingering my useless map.

~ Junot Díaz

You want me to invite him to dinner.” “I want you to invite him to dinner,” she agreed. “You know,” he said, “most gay men don’t have mothers who are this enthusiastic about their love lives.” “That’s probably true,” she said. “You’re one of the lucky ones.

~ Matthew Haldeman-Time

How do you feel about going on a date with me? I'm abroad for another two weeks; you've got plenty of time to prepare yourself. It will be the best night of your life, of course.

~ Lucy Robinson

Well then that's our date confirmed. I am excited! Most girls want to know if I have long term plans to start a family; you want to know if I like 80s rap. I think I'm in love with you. Actually, I'm not you have a foul mouth and terrible taste in men by all accounts.

~ Lucy Robinson

I am back in London in a couple of days and looking forward to Sunday. Here is what we are doing. 1. Going to see my favourite mad transgender folk singer at the Roundhouse. 2. Then I am going to feed you tapas in a little place by Mornington Crescent. 3. Then we will go home in opposite directions and I will stare at my silent phone for weeks, wondering what happened. Or we will go for a dirty hump on Primrose Hill. Or maybe we will just have an awkward kiss/hug loaded with the promise of more next time.  

~ Lucy Robinson

She was widely read enough to appreciate my literary wit but not so widely read that she knew my sources. I like that in a woman.

~ David Mitchell

I am a master of foolhardy plans.

~ Megan Whalen Turner

We both smile at the classic misunderstanding. It’s all so cliché-ridden, it’s embarrassing. I wish our story could have some more original twists and turns. Maybe one of us will turn into a vampire or something.

~ Stacy Kramer

I can't believe you just did that! Are you crazy?I gripped the steering wheel tighter. Why do people keep asking me that?He turned to stare at me, his eyes worried. Who else keeps asking you that? Are any of them doctors?

~ Janette Rallison

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

~ Demetri Martin

The bristling eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. Mesmerized, the boy watched them disappear under the hanging thatch of white hair. There, almost coyly, they remained just out of sight for a moment, before suddenly descending with a terrible finality and weight.

~ Jonathan Stroud

Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence.

~ Christopher Hitchens

You judge very properly, and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?

~ Jane Austen

I would have grown up to be a gentleman adventurer if I were more of a gentleman.

~ Alex Potvin

You will find her manners beyond anything I can describe; and your wit and vivacity, I think, must be acceptable to her, especially when tempered with the silence and respect which her rank will inevitably excite.

~ Jane Austen

Recollection is the only paradise from which we cannot be turned out.

~ Rex Beach

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.

~ Frank Muir

Wit is the lowest form of humor.

~ Alexander Pope

Impropriety is the soul of wit.

~ W. Somerset Maugham

Wit is an explosion of the compound spirit.

~ Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

~ George Herbert

At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment.

~ Benjamin Franklin

The more wit the less courage.

~ Thomas Fuller

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

~ Mark Twain

Marriage is the grave or tomb of wit.

~ Margaret Cavendish

So vast is art, so narrow human wit.

~ Alexander Pope

Where might is mixed with wit, there is too good an accord in a government.

~ Elizabeth I