Jeff Kinney Quotes

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons. - Greg Heffley

~ Jeff Kinney

There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called The Giving Tree. It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY.That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.

~ Jeff Kinney

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!

~ Jeff Kinney

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

~ Jeff Kinney

Greg starts a middle school and asks: Whyis bullies such a big PROBLEM? And sayspeople need to shave twice a day.

~ Jeff Kinney

I'm basically one of the best people I know.

~ Jeff Kinney

See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.

~ Jeff Kinney

I’ve realized is that every time you get something cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a week it’s being used against you. (We'll be taking this away until your English grade improves)

~ Jeff Kinney

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

~ Jeff Kinney

Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!

~ Jeff Kinney

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

~ Jeff Kinney

Whenever you go with the cheaper option, you end up regretting it

~ Jeff Kinney

When I started writing 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid,' I was trying to write the type of book you might enjoy, put back on your shelf, and rediscover a few years later. I hope that the book finds its way into the bathroom of every kid in America.

~ Jeff Kinney

I can't divorce myself from my childhood. I try to write as much fiction as I possibly can, but there are so many things that are touchstones of my childhood like being on the swim team and playing soccer and the particularities of sports season and environments that make their way into my books.

~ Jeff Kinney

On the first day of school, you got to be real careful where you sit. You walk into the classroom and just plunk your stuff down on any old desk, and the next thing you know the teacher is saying, 'I hope you all like where you're sitting, because these are your permanent seats.'

~ Jeff Kinney

To come out and meet kids who have my books in their hands is kind of amazing.

~ Jeff Kinney

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

~ Jeff Kinney

I had a very normal, very typical American childhood. My father worked for the government at the Pentagon and my mother was an educator, so we had a very average upbringing, but that's helped me in my writing because I'm writing about ordinary things.

~ Jeff Kinney