Johnny Carson Quotes

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

~ Johnny Carson

Just be yourself -- it's the only way it can work.

~ Johnny Carson

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

~ Johnny Carson

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

~ Johnny Carson

If life was fair Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking drinking sex and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.

~ Johnny Carson

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

~ Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

~ Johnny Carson

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

~ Johnny Carson

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

~ Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

~ Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

~ Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

~ Johnny Carson

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

~ Johnny Carson

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

~ Johnny Carson

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

~ Johnny Carson