Speak when you are angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
~ Laurence J. Peter
If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?
A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.
The computer may be incompetent in itself--that is, unable to do the work for which it was designed. This kind of incompetence can never be eliminated, because the Peter Principle applies in the plants where computers are designed and manufactured.
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
The problem with temptation is that you may not get another chance.
Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.
Egypt: Where the Israelites would still be if Moses had been a bureaucrat.
Early to bed early to rise work like hell and advertise.
Old age is when you know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.
The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
