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Mark Twain Quotes

Mark Twain quote from classy quote

Evolution is the law of policies: Darwin said it, Socrates endorsed it, Cuvier proved it and established it for all time in his paper on 'The Survival of the Fittest.' These are illustrious names, this is a mighty doctrine: nothing can ever remove it from its firm base, nothing dissolve it, but evolution.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Baron Georges Cuvier Biology Charles Darwin Cuvier Darwin Evolution Georges Cuvier Law Might Names Natural Selection Policy Science Socrates Survival Of The Fittest

I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the “lower animals” (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Animals Ascent Of Man Biology Charles Darwin Comparison Darwin Evolution Funny Higher Animals Humiliating Humor Joke Lower Animals Science Study

Work like you don't need the money. Dance like no one is watching. And love like you've never been hurt.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Dance Hurt Hurting Heart Love Money Work

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much, if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Optimism Pessimism

Like it! Yes—the way I'd like a hot stove if I was to set on it long enough. No, Tom, I won't be rich, and I won't live in them cussed smothery houses. I like the woods, and the river, and hogsheads, and I'll stick to 'em, too.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Freedom Huckleberry Finn Perspective Tom Sawyer

I can last two months on a good compliment.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Humor Self Realization

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Cats Home

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Animals Dogs Heaven

What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Heaven

She said all a body would have to do there [Heaven] was to go around all day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Heaven Utopia

Truth is stranger than fiction...

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Paranormal Supernatural

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended, yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Offense Respect

Tom Sawyer the Pirate looked around upon the envying juveniles about him and confessed in his heart that this was the proudest moment of his life.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Pride Tom Sawyer Twain

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Ass Author Live Years

A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Bites Determination Horse Perseverance Spirited

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Opportunity

But that is the way we are made: we don't reason, where we feel; we just feel.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Love Mark Twain Matters Of The Heart Reason

And what does it amount to? said Satan, with his evil chuckle. Nothing at all. You gain nothing; you always come out where you went in. For a million years the race has gone on monotonously propagating itself and monotonously reperforming this dull nonsense--to what end? No wisdom can guess! Who gets a profit out of it? Nobody but a parcel of usurping little monarchs and nobilities who despise you; would feel defiled if you touched them; would shut the door in your face if you proposed to call; whom you slave for, fight for, die for, and are not ashamed of it, but proud; whose existence is a perpetual insult to you and you are afraid to resent it; who are mendicants supported by your alms, yet assume toward you the airs of benefactor toward beggar; who address you in the language of master to slave, and are answered in the language of slave to master; who are worshiped by you with your mouth, while in your heart--if you have one--you despise yourselves for it. The first man was a hypocrite and a coward, qualities which have not yet failed in his line; it is the foundation upon which all civilizations have been built.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Civilization Cowardice Existence Hypocrisy Masters Monarchs Slaves

Looking' his last' upon the scene of his former joys and his later sufferings, and wishing 'she' could see him now, abroad on the wild sea, facing peril and death with a dauntless heart, going to his doom with a grim smile on his lips.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Childhood Mark Twain Tom Sawyer

There isn’t a parallel of latitude but thinks it would have been the equator if it had had its rights.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Earth Egoism Map Narcissm

We don not think, in the holy places; we think in bed, afterwards, when the glare, and the the noise, and the confusion are gone, and in fancy we revisit alone, the solemn monuments of the past, and summon the phantom pageants of an age that has passed away.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Reflection Solitude

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Humor Inspirational Values

It gave an appalling idea of the value of an hour, and I thought I could never waste one again without remorse and terror.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Remorse Terror Time Time Passing Values

Maybe not, maybe not. Cheer up, Becky, and let's go on trying.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Perseverance

Schoolboy days are no happier than the days of afterlife, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed – because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of the canonized ethic and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden-sword pageants, and its fishing holidays.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Anxiety Education Maturity Nostalgia

There spoke the race! he said; always ready to claim what it hasn't got, and mistake its ounce of brass filings for a ton of gold-dust. You have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you possess that. This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and trivial things--broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, absurdities, evokers of the horse-laugh. The ten thousand high-grade comicalities which exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision. Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them--and by laughing at them destroy them? For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon--laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution-- these can lift at a colossal humbug--push it a little--weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. You are always fussing and fighting with your other weapons. Do you ever use that one? No; you leave it lying rusting. As a race, do you ever use it at all? No; you lack sense and the courage.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Human Race Humor Perception

The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Heart And Soul Vision

Today the same thing over. I've got it up the tree again.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Battle Of The Sexes Creation Humor Love Men And Women

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Biology Charles Darwin Creation Creationism Darwin Life Origin Of Species Special Creation

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Democracy Humour Satire

Everybody granted that if Tom were white and free it would be unquestionably right to punish him--it would be no loss to anybody; but to shut up a valuable slave for life--that was quite another matter. As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom at once, and the creditors sold him down the river.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Irony Racism Slavery

The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Altruism Duty Responsibility

That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Philosophy Responsibility Truth

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Hell Resignation

There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely, but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Ideas

She kept up her compliments, and I kept up my determination to deserve them or die.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Manipulation Positive Motivation

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Animals Dogs

I had to have company -- I was made for it, I think -- so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the kindest disposition and the politest ways; they never look sour, they never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they've got one, and they are always ready for a romp or an excursion or anything you want to propose.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Animals

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and today -- all without seeing him. It is a long time to be alone; still, it is better to be alone that unwelcome. I had to have company -- I was made for it, I think -- so I made friends with the animals.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Animals Company Lonely Unwelcome

If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Cats Humans
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