Penn Jillette Quotes

Love and respect all people. Hate and destroy all faith.

~ Penn Jillette

If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and nothing were passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it all out again.

~ Penn Jillette

It's not arrogant to say that you can't figure out the answers to the universe with your internal faith. It's not arrogant to know that there's no omniscient, omnipotent prime mover in the universe who loves you personally. It's not sad to feel that life and the love of your real friends and family is more than enough to make life worth living. Isn't it much sadder to feel that there is a more important love required than the love of the people who have chosen to spend their limited time with you?

~ Penn Jillette

Once you've condoned faith in general, you've condoned any crazy shit done because of faith.

~ Penn Jillette

But [he] had lost god, and all his family and friends were staying behind with his imaginary friend. A silly dream goes away and takes with it your whole real life.

~ Penn Jillette

As I’m fond of saying, if you want to find utopia, take a sharp right on money and a sharp left on sex and it’s straight ahead.

~ Penn Jillette

The only difference between Obama and Bush is that Obama is killing more people. He’s about double the numbers now. Can you imagine if McCain had won and did precisely what Obama has done, with every speech and every political maneuver overseas? There’d be riots in the streets about the people we’re killing. And yet because it’s Obama, and he’s better looking and better at reading the teleprompter, we let him get away with it.

~ Penn Jillette

Nobody that has seen a baby born can believe in god for a second. When you see your child born, and the panic, and the amount of technology that is saving the life of the two people you love most in the world, when you see how much stainless steel and money it takes to fight off the fact that god wants both those people dead, no one, no one can look into the eyes of a newborn baby and say there's a god, because I'll tell ya, if we were squatting in the woods, the two people I love most would be dead. There's just no way around that. If I were in charge, no way. We need technology to fight against nature; nature so wants us dead. Nature is trying to kill us.

~ Penn Jillette

Democracy without respect for individual rights sucks. It's just ganging up against the weird kid, and I'm always the weird kid.

~ Penn Jillette

You don’t have to be brave or a saint, a martyr, or even very smart to be an atheist. All you have to be able to say is “I don’t know”.

~ Penn Jillette

If there's something you really want to believe, that's what you should question the most.

~ Penn Jillette

Astrology is a cousin of racism.

~ Penn Jillette

[On hearing that 86% of gay teens have experienced harassment] Eighty-six percent? Eighty-six per-fuckin-cent WERE harassed?! That means fourteen per-fuckin-cent WEREN'T harassed? WHAT?!At MY school a hundred percent of the children - gay, straight, transgendered, bi, sell... or trade - WERE harassed. She's saying that fourteen percent of the gay students were NOT harassed? That seems impossible.At MY school any one of us would have sucked Elton John's COCK at a mandatory school assembly for a fourteen percent chance of NOT being harassed.

~ Penn Jillette

Has any non-dipshit man ever used the word ladies not followed by the word room?

~ Penn Jillette

The nightmare of Trump is not that he doesn't care what people think, it's that he desperately cares what people think.

~ Penn Jillette

In any conflict, the crazier party generally wins.

~ Penn Jillette

We are only here for a little while, and our bodies belong to ourselves and no one else.

~ Penn Jillette

Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality. Morality is not bribery or threats. Religion is bribery and threats. Humans have morality. We don't need religion.

~ Penn Jillette

A lot of people, to attack an outspoken atheist, one of the things they'll do is say, 'You are as bad as the fundamentalist Christians.' And my answer is always, 'I hope so.'

~ Penn Jillette

The highest ideals are human intelligence, creativity and love. Respect these above all.

~ Penn Jillette

Bacon is so good by itself that to put it in any other food is an admission of failure. You're basically saying, 'I can't make this other food taste good, so I'll throw in bacon.'

~ Penn Jillette

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

~ Penn Jillette

I'm always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports.

~ Penn Jillette

My whole family is missing that sports gene. I hope I didn't screw that up by marrying a great golfer.

~ Penn Jillette

When I was a kid, politicians wanted to avoid talking about religion if they could. John F. Kennedy couldn't duck the issue, being Catholic and all. So how did he address it? By reminding Americans that religion shouldn't be an issue, that he was concentrating on big things like poverty and hunger and leading the space race.

~ Penn Jillette

Computers absolutely changed my life. Before I had a computer, I had never written one thing. Not one thing. I'm a very bad speller and I was embarrassed by that. When I would type, the little mistakes would make me nutty, and I would never edit anything.

~ Penn Jillette

My love of computers, besides being practical, is very direct and visceral. I love the way things look on the screen.

~ Penn Jillette

Whereas you have someone like Houdini, who works really, really hard to get really, really famous, and then has actual intellectual ideas that he puts into the culture that stay there.

~ Penn Jillette

I think people under age 55 come to Vegas with a certain sense of irony.

~ Penn Jillette

It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people yourself is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral, self-righteous, bullying laziness.

~ Penn Jillette

I'm an amazing mama's boy.

~ Penn Jillette

Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it's amazing how many people get that.

~ Penn Jillette

If you like the stuff I do, my chances of liking you go up.

~ Penn Jillette

I don't want anyone as president who promises to take care of me. I may be stupid, but I want a chance to try to be a grown-up and take care of my family.

~ Penn Jillette

Counterintuitive actions prove we can trust real knowledge and do the opposite of what we feel makes sense.

~ Penn Jillette

I will not counter the insanity of the PATRIOT Act with an overblown fear of my rights being taken away.

~ Penn Jillette

I'm totally against straight marriage - even though I'm married. I don't think heterosexual marriage is any of the government's business.

~ Penn Jillette

Technology adds nothing to art.

~ Penn Jillette

For the most part, any serious magic show is not using very much technology newer than theatrical lights.

~ Penn Jillette

My body really, really wanted to reproduce when I was 15. It took a lot of civilization, socialization, willpower and some emulsion polymerization technology for me not to reproduce at 15.

~ Penn Jillette