Terry Pratchett Quotes

D’yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!”Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food.

~ Terry Pratchett

Silence fell like a hammer made of feathers. It left holes in the shape of the sound of the sea.

~ Terry Pratchett

A mirror can contain the reflection of the whole universe, a whole skyful of stars in a piece of silvered glass no thicker than a breath.

~ Terry Pratchett

The thing is, I mean, there’s times when you look at the universe and you think, “What about me?” and you can just hear the universe replying, “Well, what about you?”

~ Terry Pratchett

She waited with Billy Slick while Carrot went on the errand, and for something to say, she said, ‘Billy Slick doesn’t sound much like a goblin name?’ Billy made a face. ‘Too right! Granny calls me Of the Wind Regretfully Blown. What kind of name is that, I ask you? Who’s going to take you seriously with a name like that? This is modern times, right?’ He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human – human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls... the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress.

~ Terry Pratchett

I believe the term is ‘eminent domain.’Ah, yes. That means ‘theft by the government

~ Terry Pratchett

Vimes had once discussed the Ephebian idea of ‘democracy’ with Carrot, and had been rather interested in the idea that everyone had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a vote, there was no way in the rules that anyone could prevent Nobby Nobbs from having one as well. Vimes could see the flaw there straight away.

~ Terry Pratchett

Being an absolute ruler today was not as simple as people thought. At least, it was not simple if your ambitions included being an absolute ruler tomorrow. There were subtleties. Oh, you could order men to smash down doors and drag people off the dungeons without trial, but too much of that sort of thing lacked style and anyway was bad for business, habit-forming and very, very dangerous for your health. A thinking tyrant, it seemed to Vetinari, had a much harder job than a ruler raised to power by some idiot vote-yourself-rich system like democracy. At least they could tell the people he was their fault.

~ Terry Pratchett

Of all the forces in the universe, the hardest to overcome is the force of habit.

~ Terry Pratchett

Is It Frightening To Be Free?You said it.You Say To People 'Throw Off Your Chains' And They Make New Chains For Themselves?Seems to be a major human activity, yes.

~ Terry Pratchett

I MAY HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF SOME FLICKER OF EMOTION IN THE RECENT PAST, said Death, BUT I CAN GIVE IT UP ANY TIME I LIKE.

~ Terry Pratchett

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.

~ Terry Pratchett

The gods had a habit of going round to atheists' houses and smashing their windows.

~ Terry Pratchett

Everyone has gods. You just don't think they're gods.

~ Terry Pratchett

But what's worth more than gold?Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that?

~ Terry Pratchett

And he goes around killing people?” said Mort. He shook his head. “There’s no justice.”Death sighed. No, he said... there’s just me.

~ Terry Pratchett

After all, people seemed quite easy about having their rights and liberties taken away by those they looked up to, but somehow a space on the perch was a slap in the face, and treated as such.

~ Terry Pratchett

You'd like Freedom, Truth, and Justice, wouldn't you, Comrade Sergeant?' said Reg encouragingly.'I'd like a hard-boiled egg,' said Vimes, shaking the match out.There was some nervous laughter, but Reg looked offended.'In the circumstances, Sergeant, I think we should set our sights a little higher--''Well, yes, we could,' said Vimes, coming down the steps. He glanced at the sheets of papers in front of Reg. The man cared. He really did. And he was serious. He really was. 'But...well, Reg, tomorrow the sun will come up again, and I'm pretty sure that whatever happens we won't have found Freedom, and there won't be a whole lot of Justice, and I'm damn sure we won't have found Truth. But it's just possible that I might get a hard-boiled egg.

~ Terry Pratchett

THERE IS NO JUSTICE said Death JUST ME

~ Terry Pratchett

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman

~ Terry Pratchett

His voice gave out and he made several wavy motions with his hand, indicative of the shape of a woman who would probably be unable to keep her balance.

~ Terry Pratchett

It is possibly worth mentioning at this point that Mr. Young thought that paparazzi was a kind of Italian linoleum.

~ Terry Pratchett

The dogged determination and patience of one person to do what is Right and Necessary may not always win the day or even be noticed, but it will tip the balance just a little in the direction of good.

~ Terry Pratchett

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that there's nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone.

~ Terry Pratchett

Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple.

~ Terry Pratchett

Yes, sir, but the Librarian likes bananas, sir.Very nourishin' fruit, Mr Stibbons.Yes, sir. Although, funnily enough it's not actually a fruit, sir.Really?Yes, sir. Botanically, it's a type of fish, sir. According to my theory it's cladistically associated with the Krullian pipefish, sir, which of course is also yellow and goes around in bunches or shoals.And lives in trees?Well, not usually, sir. The banana is obviously exploiting a new niche.Good heavens, really? It's a funny thing, but I've never much liked bananas and I've always been a bit suspicious of fish, too. That'd explain it.

~ Terry Pratchett

It tells him what to say. I know it sounds ridiculous,” muttered Hugh.“How can a book tell a man what to say?

~ Terry Pratchett

She even tried the one which every romantic nerve in her body insisted should work, which consisted of theatrically giving up, sitting down, and letting her glance fall naturally on a patch of earth which, if she had been in any decent narrative, should have contained the book.It didn't.

~ Terry Pratchett

I tell them stars have never hurt me, I wish I could say the same about people.

~ Terry Pratchett

Rain don't fall on a with if she doesn't want it to, although personally I prefer to get wet and be thankful.Thankful for what? said Tiffany.That I'll get dry later.

~ Terry Pratchett

People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.

~ Terry Pratchett

...the proliferation of luminous fungi or iridescent crystals in deep caves where the torchlessly improvident hero needs to see is one of the most obvious intrusions of narrative causality into the physical universe.

~ Terry Pratchett

But there was more to it than that. As the Amazing Maurice said, it was just a story about people and rats. And the difficult part of it was deciding who the people were, and who were the rats.

~ Terry Pratchett

Stories don't care who takes part in them. All that matters if that the story gets told, that the story repeats. Or, if you prefer to think of it like this: stories are a parasitical life form, warping lives in the service only of the story itself.

~ Terry Pratchett

Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them... you could use them, you could change them.

~ Terry Pratchett

Supposing an emperor was persuaded to wear a new suit of clothes whose material was so fine that, to the common eye, the clothes weren't there. And suppose a little boy pointed out this fact in a loud, clear voice...Then you have The Story of the Emperor Who Had No Clothes.But if you knew a bit more, it would be The Story of the Boy Who Got a Well-Deserved Thrashing from His Dad for Being Rude to Royalty, and Was Locked Up.Or The Story of the Whole Crowd Who Were Rounded Up by the Guards and Told 'This Didn't Happen, OK? Does Anyone Want to Argue?'Or it could be a story of how a whole kingdom suddenly saw the benefit of the 'new clothes', and developed an enthusiasm for healthy sports in a lively and refreshing atmosphere which got many new adherents every year, and led to a recession caused by the collapse of the conventional clothing industry.It could even be a story about The Great Pneumonia Epidemic of '09.It all depends on how much you know.

~ Terry Pratchett

Silverfish looked down.Oh. Are you a dwarf?Cuddy gave him a blank stare.Are you a giant? He said.Me? Of course not!Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes.

~ Terry Pratchett

It is well known that stone can think, because the whole of electronics is based on that fact, but in some universes men spend ages looking for other intelligences in the sky without once looking under their feet. That is because they've got the time-span all wrong. From stone's point of view the universe is hardly created and mountain ranges are bouncing up and down like organ-stops while continents zip backward and forward in general high spirits, crashing into each other from the sheer joy of momentum and getting their rocks off. It is going to be quite some time before stone notices its disfiguring skin disease and starts to scratch, which is just as well.

~ Terry Pratchett

Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down.

~ Terry Pratchett

He said it was better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.

~ Terry Pratchett