Terry Pratchett Quotes

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it.

~ Terry Pratchett

Mind you,” said Ponder, “the universe does have a rhythm. Day and night, light and dark, life and death—” “Chicken soup and croutons,” said Ridcully. Well, not evert metaphor bears close examination.

~ Terry Pratchett

You're saying,' he said, weighing each word, 'that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle.

~ Terry Pratchett

The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football.

~ Terry Pratchett

They stole from rich merchants and temples and kings. They didn't steal from poor people; this was not because there was anything virtuous about poor people, it was simply because poor people had no money.

~ Terry Pratchett

Modesty is only arrogance by stealth.

~ Terry Pratchett

People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.

~ Terry Pratchett

He calculated the number of bricks in the wall, first in twos and then in tens and finally in sixteens. The numbers formed up and marched past his brain in terrified obedience. Division and multiplication were discovered. Algebra was invented and provided an interesting diversion for a minute or two. And then he felt the fog of numbers drift away, and looked up and saw the sparkling, distant mountains of calculus.

~ Terry Pratchett

… you were so worried about legal and illegal that you never stopped to think about whether it was right or wrong.

~ Terry Pratchett

He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn't going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen glasses.

~ Terry Pratchett

He only drinks when he gets depressed,' said Carrot. 'Why does he get depressed?' 'Sometimes it's because he hasn't had a drink.

~ Terry Pratchett

One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, we'd had a good breakfast. And you don't get mugged, either.

~ Terry Pratchett

Anyway, it's like with bikes,' said the first speaker authoritatively. 'I thought I was going to get this bike with seven gears and one of them razorblade saddles and purple paint and everything, and they gave me this light blue one. With a basket. A girl's bike.''Well. You're a girl,' said one of the others.'That's sexism, that is. Going around giving people girly presents just because they're a girl.

~ Terry Pratchett

The girls were expected to grow up to be somebody's wife. They were also expected to read and write, those being considered soft indoor jobs that were too fiddly for the boys.

~ Terry Pratchett

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.

~ Terry Pratchett

No, what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.

~ Terry Pratchett

Heroes get kingdoms and princesses, and they take regular exercise, and when they smile the light glints off their teeth, ting

~ Terry Pratchett

If they look as though they're worried, we'll move in.''And do what exactly?' said Polly.'Threaten to shoot them,' said Maladict firmly.'And if they don't believ

~ Terry Pratchett

Falling isn’t so bad, you know. It’s only the landing that hurts.

~ Terry Pratchett

This book had two authors, and they were both the same person.

~ Terry Pratchett

It's all about balance, do you see? Balance is the trick. Keep the balance and - she stopped. You've ridden on a seesaw? One end goes up, one end goes down. But the bit in the middle, that stays where it is. Upness and downness go right through it. Don't matter how high or low the ends go, it keeps the balance. She sniffed. Magic is mostly movin' stuff around.

~ Terry Pratchett

never ask the tight-rope walker how he keeps his balance. if he stops to think about it, he falls off

~ Terry Pratchett

Welcome to fear, said Moist to himself. It's hope, turned inside out. You know it can't go wrong, you're sure it can't go wrong...But it might.

~ Terry Pratchett

You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage.

~ Terry Pratchett

Mums are mums, lance-constable. They don't like to see men managing by themselves, in case that sort of thing catches on.

~ Terry Pratchett

Ricewind had always relied on running away. But somerimes, perhaps, you had to stand and fight, if only because there was nowhere left to run.

~ Terry Pratchett

Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.

~ Terry Pratchett

(...) perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain.

~ Terry Pratchett

It's not lying when you do it to officers!

~ Terry Pratchett

Wanna see how creepy I can be?-Mr Teatime

~ Terry Pratchett

There was a party of well-dressed people with Gilt, and as they progressed accoss the room the whole place began to revolve around the big man, gold being very dense and having a gravity all of its own.

~ Terry Pratchett

It's always worrying to see a journalist take a sudden interest in what you're saying, especially when you half suspect it was a load of pigeon guano.

~ Terry Pratchett

For several years he hadn't moved outside a large, airy room, but this was OK, because he spent most of his time inside his own head in any case. There's a certain type of person it's very hard to imprison.

~ Terry Pratchett

I just managed to go around with one of the Great Spells in my head for years without going insane, didn't I?' He considered the last question form all angles.'Yes, you did,' he reassured himself. 'You didn't start talking to trees, even when trees started talking to you.

~ Terry Pratchett

Quick, someone's coming! Look real!

~ Terry Pratchett

MANY PHENOMENA--wars, plagues, sudden audits--have been advanced as evidence for the hidden hand of Satan in the affairs of Man.

~ Terry Pratchett

Don't tell me from genetics. What've they got to do with it? said Crowley. Look at Satan. Created as an angel, grows up to be the Great Adversary. Hey, if you're going to go on about genetics, you might as well say the kid will grow up to be an angel. After all, his father was really big in Heaven in the old days. Saying he'll grow up to be a demon just because his dad _became_ one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice. No. Upbringing is everything. Take it from me.

~ Terry Pratchett

He'd been an angel once. He hadn't meant to Fall. He'd just hung around with the wrong people.

~ Terry Pratchett

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

~ Terry Pratchett

Always face what you fear. Have just enough money, never too much, and some string. Even if it’s not your fault, it’s your responsibility. Witches deal with things. Never stand between two mirrors. Never cackle. Do what you must do. Never lie, but you don’t always have to be honest. Never wish. Especially don’t wish upon a star, which is astronomically stupid. Open your eyes, and then open your eyes again.

~ Terry Pratchett