Fathers Quotes

No matter what Dad was always there with solid words of advice . . . Go ask your mother.

~ Alan Ray

Father reading report card: One thing in your favor - with these grades you couldn't possibly be cheating.

~ Jacob Braude

Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business.

~ Anonymous

No matter how old a mother is she still watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

~ Florida Scott-Maxwell

There are three books my daughter felt were the most important influences in her life: the Bible her mother's cookbook and her father's checkbook.

~ Joyce Mattingly

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother.

~ G. Norman Collie

Dad named his first ulcer after me.

~ Anonymous

It is a wise child that knows its own father and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

~ Mark Twain

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children now I have six children and no theories.

~ John Wilmot

When I was a boy of fourteen my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

~ Mark Twain

My mother phones daily to ask Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no she adds So if you're not too busy call me while I'm still alive . . . and hangs up.

~ Erma Bombeck

Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.

~ Rita Rudner

There's no such thing as a nonworking mother.

~ Hester Mundis

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

~ Jewish Proverb

MOTHER TO TEENAGER ON SUNDAY MORNING: I believe I heard the clock strike one when you came in last night. teen: Well I know how much you need your sleep so it was going to strike ten but I stopped it at one chime.

~ Anonymous

I hope I look as good as my mother does when I reach the age she says she isn't.

~ Anonymous

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

~ Wendy Liebman

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

~ Calvin Trillin

The monsters are gone.Really? Doubtful.I killed the monsters. That's what fathers do.

~ Fiona Wallace

To say that I wished I wasn't there would be a ludicrous understatement, but I'd only ever had the illusion of choice: We have to do this, Hank had said. It's for Ellis. To refuse would have been an act of calculated cruelty. And so, because of my husband's war with his father and their insane obsession with a mythical monster, we'd crossed the Atlantic at the very same time a real madman, a real monster, was attempting to take over the world for his own reasons of ego and pride.

~ Sara Gruen

In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons.

~ Herodotus

Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.

~ Margaret Mead