Humor Quotes

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~ Jock Camp

Be kind to your future self, and your future will be kind to you.

~ Liliana Kohann

Having an emotional connection with what we wear is at once transformative and talismanic. Why else would Glenda the Good Witch have given Dorothy a pair of ruby slippers? Clicking those heels did more than get Miss Garland back to Kansas, they manifested magic – that sweet spot where memories are made.

~ Annmarie O'connor

Willpower is misunderstood. The very word suggests that wanting something badly enough bequeaths that necessary strength to achieve or overcome something. If that were the case, I'd be Michael Fassbender's missus by now.

~ Annmarie O'connor

You know the old adage: give a woman a bag and she'll fill it for a day. Teach a woman to pack and she'll fill every damn bag she owns (or something of that ilk).

~ Annmarie O'connor

Excuses – the great enabler. Without them, we'd have no reason to shop when we shouldn't and every reason to feel guilty for doing so. Nothing like the aul 'dog ate my knickers' chestnut to manifest a new handbag at will (in which to deposit much-needed new knickers, of course).

~ Annmarie O'connor

I was sweating like Christy Moore at a Feis Ceol, so badly, in fact, I looked like I was sporting a finger moustache as I attempted to rescue suicidal perspiration drops from my upper lip. Classy.

~ Annmarie O'connor

Where in the self-help section of Barnes and Noble does one find a guide on dealing with a supernatural stalker?

~ Cosmo Knox

While I still did not know what self- actualization that sat on the top level of the pyramid meant, I could believethat if I knew I would be able to say something positive about it as well inmy life.

~ Vann Chow

How can anybody say they know how I feel? The only one around here who is me, is ME.

~ Morrissey

Oh, I can't help quoting you, because everything that you said rings true.

~ Morrissey

I'd love to...but only with you.

~ Morrissey

In our world, I rank music somewhere between hair ribbons and rainbows in terms of usefulness.

~ Suzanne Collins

The heart has a heart of its own.

~ Morrissey

I am hated for loving.I am haunted for wanting.

~ Morrissey

Can you squeeze me into an empty page of your diary and psychologically save me?

~ Morrissey

The more you ignore me, the closer I get; you're wasting your time.

~ Morrissey

I was wasting my life, always thinking about myself.

~ Morrissey

I think there’s no greater joy than completing a song out of thin air. It’s like inventing something, but it’s invisible, you know? It’s weird. It amazes me. You can send it out in the world, and that’s the joy. It’s like giving birth to all these songs and letting them go like they’re your kids.

~ Jason Mraz

There's a friendly tie of some sort between music and eating.

~ Thomas Hardy

I see the world, it makes me puke,But then I look at you and know,that somewhere there's a someone who can soothe me.

~ Morrissey

The alarm in the morning? Well, I have an old tape of Carlo Maria Giulini conducting the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra in a perfectly transcendent version in Shubert's seventh symphony. And I've rigged it up so that at exactly 7:30 every morning it falls from the ceiling onto my face.

~ Stephen Fry

My love, wherever you are - whatever you are - don't lose faith. I know it's gonna happen someday to you.

~ Morrissey

It's so shameful of me: I like you.

~ Morrissey

I'm tired again, I've tried again, and now my heart is full.And I just can't explain...so I won't even try to.

~ Morrissey

And make no mistake, my friend, your pointless life will end; but before you go, can you look at the truth?

~ Morrissey

Close your eyes, and think of someone you physically admire, and let me kiss you.

~ Morrissey

I know by now you think I should have straightened myself out - Thank you, drop dead!

~ Morrissey

America: It's like Britain, only with buttons.

~ Ringo Starr

You don't like me, but you love me; either way, you're wrong.

~ Morrissey

When you stick a song on a tape, you set it free.

~ Rob Sheffield

One of Renee's friends asked her, Does your boyfriend wear glasses? She said, No, he wears a Walkman.

~ Rob Sheffield

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.

~ Morrissey

Because you wear a uniform, a smelly uniform...and so you think you can be rude to me.

~ Morrissey

Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you. Even I, sick and depraved, a traveler to the grave, I would never be you.

~ Morrissey

You made me feel less alone;you made me feel not quite sodeformed, uninformed and hunchbacked.

~ Morrissey

Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d rather not think about – the sex of my guitar, for instance. If I honestly wanted to put my hands on a woman, would that automatically mean I could play? Gretchen’s teacher never told her to think of her piano as a boy. Neither did Lisa’s flute teacher, though in that case the analogy was obvious. On the off chance that sexual desire was all it took, I steered clear of Lisa’s instrument, fearing that I might be labeled a prodigy.

~ David Sedaris

These tears I'm wailing,I spill not without reason.Remove them, my dearest love.Take me to the place I've been dreaming of,where the grotesquely lonely meet the grotesquely lonelyand they whisper,just very softly,Please be mine, Dearest Love.

~ Morrissey

This world, I am afraid, is designed for crashing bores.

~ Morrissey

There's a club, if you'd like to goYou could meet somebody who really loves you.'So you go, and you stand on your ownAnd you leave on your ownAnd you go home, and you cryAnd you want to die.

~ Morrissey