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Humor quote from classy quote

How did you hear about that?''Are you kidding me? So far, I had that runt Kyle-''I hate him. I hate all vamps. That complete toad, Michael-''-tell me you were pregnant by a vamp-''kidnnaped me and-Kyle said WHAT?''and then a member of the Domi shows up and informs me-''The Domi sent someone HERE?''-that you're actually pregnant by the late king of the Fey.''Late?!' Heidar squeaked.

~ Karen Chance

Karen Chance Basarab Damphir Dorina Fey Fiction Humor Mage Magic Supernatural Urban Fantasy Vampire

Louis-Cesare slowly pulled himself into a half-standing position against the side of the winery.'What? Did you think one little mage was going to do me in?' He swallowed hard. 'Hell, that was just a warm-up.

~ Karen Chance

Karen Chance Basarab Damphir Dorina Fiction Humor Mage Magic Supernatural Urban Fantasy Vampire

I was trying to have an insight, and all I could think of was that I'd backed myself into a corner, and the corner was me.

~ John Welter

John Welter Fiction Humor Love Lunchmeat Satire Softball

The lights were off so that his heads could avoid looking at each other because neither of them was currently a particular engaging sight, nor had they been since he had made the error of looking into his soul.It had indeed been an error.It had been late one night-- of course.It had been a difficult day-- of course.There had been soulful music playing on the ship's sound system-- of course.And he had, of course, been slightly drunk.In other words, all the usual conditions that bring on a bout of soul searching had applied, but it had, nevertheless, clearly been an error.

~ Douglas Adams

Douglas Adams Fiction Humor Sci Fi

Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Fiction Humor

The other raised his club and attacked L, who inexpliciably fell over on his back like an overturned frog.

~ Tsugumi Ohba

Tsugumi Ohba Fiction Humor

L shot Maki a disappointed look. But soon he forgot everything when Misa Amane appeared onstage. Enraptured he began to cheer with the girls in black lace and frilly skirts.

~ Tsugumi Ohba

Tsugumi Ohba Fiction Humor

As I raced out of the office, I could hear Emily rapid-fire dialing four-digit extensions and all but screaming, 'She's on her way-- tell everyone.' It took me only three seconds to wind through the hallways and pass through the fashion department, but I had already heard panicked cries of 'Emily said she's on her way in' and 'Miranda's coming!' and a particularly blood curdling cry of 'She's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

~ Lauren Weisberger

Lauren Weisberger Fiction Humor

No offense, Jaron, but I don't want your life. Even locked away behind closed doors I got a taste for how awful it can be.Did anyone try to kill you while I was gone?No.Then you didn't even get a taste.

~ Jennifer A. Nielsen

Jennifer A. Nielsen Fiction Humor Medieval

He was having more fun than a barrelful of monkeys.**Several years earlier Spider had actually been tremendously disappointed by a barrelful of monkeys. It had done nothing he had considered particularly entertaining, apart from emit interesting noises, and eventually, once the noises had stopped and the monkeys were no longer doing anything at all—except possibly on an organic level—had needed to be disposed of in the dead of night.

~ Neil Gaiman

Neil Gaiman Fiction Humor

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.

~ Meg Rosoff

Meg Rosoff Fiction Humor

I don't know about you, but I practice a disorganized religion. I belong to an unholy disorder. We call ourselves Our Lady of the Perpetual Astonishment

~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Fiction Humor Vonnegut

Few humans see fairies or hear their music, but many find fairy rings of dark grass, scattered with toadstools, left by their dancing feet.

~ Judy Allen

Judy Allen Fairies Fiction Humor

He has the memory of a convict, the balls of a fireman, and the eyesight of a housebreaker. When there is crime to fight, Landsman tears around Sitka like a man with his pant leg caught on a rocket. It's like there's a film score playing behind him, heavy on the castanets. The problem comes in the hours when he isn't working, when his thoughts start blowing out the open window of his brain like pages from the blotter. Sometimes it takes a heavy paperweight to pin them down.

~ Michael Chabon

Michael Chabon Fiction Hollywood Humor Jewish Satire

He says I'm beautiful as a red tomato

~ Jeanne Duprau

Jeanne Duprau Fiction Humor

I do not know if all cops are poets, but I know that all cops carry guns with triggers.

~ Ralph Ellison

Ralph Ellison African American Literature Fiction Humor Rsas

Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?

~ Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore Fiction Humor Series Vampires

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Fiction Humor

I am the Captain of my own life.

~ Lexis De Rothschild

Lexis De Rothschild Ebook Fiction Humor Novella Offbeat Page Turner

Even a Menno sheltered from the world knows not to stick her tongue into the mouth of a boy who owns an Air Supply record. You might stick your tongue into the mouth of a boy who owned some Emerson, Lake and Palmer, but you would not date him on a regular basis, or openly.

~ Miriam Toews

Miriam Toews Fiction Humor

I don't watch reality TV, my reality is tough enough.

~ Alisa Steinberg

Alisa Steinberg Absurdist Fiction Comic Fiction Fiction Humor Women S Fiction

I unlocked the deadbolt and flung the door open, stepping back for Gabby to see exactly who it was. “Hello, Sara,” I greeted.A bubble of laughter escaped Gabby before she could contain it. “Yes, hello ex-girlfriend Sara. And might I add: law-breaker? Who let you out of your cage? Don’t you know Joseph has a restraining order against you?

~ Laura Kreitzer

Laura Kreitzer Angels Fiction Gabriella Moretti Humor Joseph Carter Keeepers Novella Timeless Series Ya

Surely Tillie knew glitter on wrinkled cleavage was a sin.

~ Julie Anne Lindsey

Julie Anne Lindsey Fiction Humor

Have you noticed how Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen look nothing alike, and yet they both manage to look exactly like their father, Martin?

~ Ken O'neill

Ken O'neill Comic Novel Equality Fiction Humor

The ocean swells around us. Sometimes, we are in a bowl of water and sometimes on the top of the lip. The horizon curves.We are sitting on top of the world.In theory, anyone is on the top of their world at every moment, given that the Earth is truly round. But, it’s hard to see that in a subway under New York City and completely obvious out here.

~ Lexis De Rothschild

Lexis De Rothschild Ebook Fiction Humor Indie Author

He was a peculiar sight. Tears rolling down his face, shouting to drown the sound of the singing rabbit; he said he needed help, pointed to a chicken, handed over some money, grabbed his parcel and bolted out the door in panic.Boys, thought the butcher.Drugs, thought the woman.Justin Case, thought Dorothea.

~ Meg Rosoff

Meg Rosoff Fiction Humor

Andrew Lloyd Webber's version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones.

~ Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore Fiction Humor Series Vampires

Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks...


~ Josh Stern

Josh Stern Fiction Guys Humor

I want to be the best race horse around when I grow up, Mama.You can be, Charlie, as long as you are willing to try your best and not give up when you have a bad day.

~ Deanie Humphrys-Dunne

Deanie Humphrys-Dunne Fiction Horses Humor Kids Racing

I shouldn't have even been obsessing about it anyway, he probably had a girlfriend. Like a supermodel or playboy bunny or something, someone equivalent to his level of sexiness. Not someone normal like me.

~ Kathey Gray

Kathey Gray Chicklit Drama Fiction Humor Love Love Triangle Romance Scandal

My father did not bring it up, but of course I knew that he had another reason to worry about my decision to write. Though he was a reader, he was not a lover of fiction, because fiction is not true, and for that flaw it was forever inferior to fact. If reading fiction was a waste of time, so was the writing of it. Why is it, I wonder, that humor didn't count? Wodehouse, for one, whom both of us loved, was a flawless fiction writer.

~ Eudora Welty

Eudora Welty Fact Fiction Humor Inferior Waste Of Time Wodehouse Writing

Your pretense does not fool me, gnome. My eye will be upon you.

~ Cassandra Clare

Cassandra Clare Cassandra Clare Fantasy Fiction Funny Quotes Humor Mark Blackthorn

Sure, Bob Dylan had some good songs. But he could have been a doctor.

~ R.s. Gompertz

R.s. Gompertz Coming Of Age Fiction Humor Jewish Sixties

The address given to me by Greta was written in such a way that the words looked like numbers, and the numbers looked like the aftermath of a startled octopus meeting a deep-sea diver in a corner café. It was the worst writing I had ever seen.

~ Shoeburn Ruffet

Shoeburn Ruffet Children Mystery Fiction Humor Middle Grade

He didn't remember ever being less weird than he was right now. In fact, as far as he could tell he had always been more or less exactly as weird as this. if not more so.

~ Meg Rosoff

Meg Rosoff Fiction Humor

Tell me and I’ll forget, show me and I may remember, involve me and I’ll understand.

~ Gilbert C. Remillard

Gilbert C. Remillard Chinese Language Fiction Humor Read Chinese

I never said you had to like it. You have to accept it. No regret.-Clare Harding.

~ E.m. Benton

E.m. Benton Campy Horror Fiction Horror Humor Paranormal Scary Supernatural Witches

Fate bring two people togetherand it is love's job t o keep them there.

~ Juvy Ann

Juvy Ann Anthologies Contemporary Destiny Fiction Humor Inspirational Literary Romance Novel

She paused in the doorway, tipping her head to consider Brittany, who only glared. You're right. I think most girls don't look like the tooth fairy dresses them every day.

~ Wendy Knight

Wendy Knight Action Epic Fantasy Fiction Fuedlings Humor Magic Romance Star Crossed Young Adult Fiction

Nick got home the first week in December, to find New York still wallowing in its post-Armistice euphoria. Service men were celebrities wherever they went, and nothing was too good for them-especially the ones who were wounded-until it came down to such practical matters as finding housing or a job...It too him awhile to come to the conclusion that all the talk about help for veterans was just that, and anything that was done for him would have to be done by himself.

~ Nathaniel Benchley

Nathaniel Benchley Fiction Humor
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