Humor Quotes

you don't have the luxury of whipping out your dicks and seeing who's bigger

~ Alanea Alder

This first time , my Sprite friend went for help, then Aiden went all shifter Hulk version and Loki'd the feral's ass. Whap, whap

~ Alanea Alder

Do Dragons eat Mexican? Hank wondered out loud.Dude, they eat people. Mexican is a vast improvement over people.

~ Robyn Peterman

What’s the worst that could happen?”“Don’t say that!” Bess and Corwin yelled at the same time.“You two are so superstitious.

~ Georgette St. Clair

She needs tampons. Evidently it helps with this process. We have to secure the location of where they are being sold, acquire them and then get them back to my mate posthaste.

~ Alanea Alder

He’s hot. Too hot for me. Jeez, if he said the word sex to me I would probably pass-out.

~ Leeann Whitaker

Laurie picks up a briefcase and places it on the table. He opens the lid and his head disappears under the top. Oh god. Is he about to introduce me to a cat of nine tails, or some bizarre tickling stick? Brace yourself Liz. Cate told you to always carry your pepper spray, you fool.

~ Leeann Whitaker

Hello little one. Did you know you're on private property?Really? I had no idea. Meryn fudged. He raised an eyebrow. The ten foot fence right behind you didn't give it away?

~ Alanea Alder

Oh God, is this like Silence of the Lambs? Tears flowed down her face. I don't want to go down the hole! I won't put lotion on the skin! Look at me, you won't be able to wear my skin, I won't cover your huge ass! She wailed.

~ Alanea Alder

You take all the fun out of life for me, Nik. You know that? Aiden- Blood Hunger (Deathless Night Series #1)

~ L.e. Wilson

More dangerous than being in a house full of vampires? I think I’ll take my chances, Mr. Fallinsworth.I think we’re way past formalities here since my cock has been inside that hot, wet, delicious body of yours.

~ K.l. Kreig

Been there, done that. I’m sure I’ve got a T-shirt somewhere to prove it.

~ Thea Harrison

...he didn’t know when he was going to get the chance to play WoW again. And it was damn important to do his bit to save all life on Azeroth while he could.

~ Thea Harrison

I thought you were makin’ small talk about the weather.”“When have I ever made small talk with you?”“When we first met.”“No, I made small talk with Bessie, your shotgun, until you removed her double barrels from my kisser.”Violet and a typical conversation with Harvey

~ Ann Charles

There is new information.”“Are you going to share it?”“No.”Of course not. Because it would totally ruin his whole mysterious vibe. Can’t have that.

~ Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Fuck you!” “Right here?” He crossed his arms. “That definitely wouldn’t help your getting over me.

~ Stacey Marie Brown

There would be a spike in the number of girls who went out for a walk in the woods and were never heard from again. There always were when stories came out portraying the terra indigene as furry humans who just wanted to be loved.Most of the terra indigene didn't want to love humans, they wanted to eat them. Why did humans have such a hard time understanding that?

~ Anne Bishop

I hadn't realized she could shrink... It makes sense now with the tricks Ari was able to perform with her.She wasn't born that way. Her mother was a scientist working to reduce subatomic particles.And whose mom isn't? Raven joked. Was Rick Moranis involved somehow?

~ J.t. Bock

Typical Xochi, leaving out important, death-related details.

~ J.t. Bock

You will show that thing to me and from now on, I will deal with them.I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. I'm sorry, I must've missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me.

~ Ilona Andrews

Me too, Arch,” Jeremiah said. “I want an answer about my request to transfer. Even now, my balls are shrinking in anticipation of going back out in the cold. I said I'd give my life protecting humanity, but my balls were never in the bargain.

~ Rose Wynters

Sweetie, I’m not a flowers and chocolates kind of gal,” she said, leaning into him. “Well, maybe the chocolate.”“I was going to say.”— Krysta and Étienne

~ Dianne Duvall

There is no reason to feel embarrassed, Krysta.Easy for you to say! You weren't caught mentally checking out my package!~ Étienne and Krysta

~ Dianne Duvall

Great. There goes our security deposit.~ Sean

~ Dianne Duvall

I glared at Christian as the blood smeared around. “You could have at least licked it.”He smirked darkly. “I hear that all too often.

~ Dannika Dark

Gavin, Logan, Calix. Was there a sale on trendy names when they were born, or something?

~ Keri Lake

You’re fucking kidding me, right?” “I don’t kid about fucking.

~ Stacey Marie Brown

Phrase the question any way you like…The answer will still be ‘Kiss my ass.

~ M.a. George

That was some branch. Did it have a vendetta against your t-shirt?”“Guess so.”“I hope you showed it who is boss.”“Yeah, I peed on it.

~ Stacey Marie Brown

It’s a little early in our relationship for us to be ‘surmounting,’ but, hey, I’m game if you are. I’ll even let you be on top.” He looked directly at me, a coy smile playing on his lips.

~ Stacey Marie Brown

Holy crap, you are like a dog with a bone,” I commented to Ryan.“Or just one with a boner.

~ Stacey Marie Brown

I paused for a moment, debating whether to turn and look what was happening. My senses told me Obo’s presence was still at my side, and turning my face into the barrel of a gun seemed like an ill-advised way to cap off this day of monumentally stupid decisions.

~ M.a. George

It’s a sad state of affairs when I’m the one bringing sanity to the equation

~ M.a. George

Suddenly, I saw ocean again—then another horizon line—but this time the deep blue sky was on the wrong side of the line…the Holy crap, we’re upside down side.

~ M.a. George

I wish I could say I’m low maintenance, but I like some of the finer things in life…like a toothbrush.

~ M.a. George

But you know as well as I do that anger won’t solve anything.”“I beg to differ,” he shrugged. “Anger can be quite rewarding…at least for those of us who have the option of blasting our enemies to oblivion.

~ M.a. George

My instincts told me that death would somehow be…different. But my rational mind reminded me that I had probably tempted fate one too many times. At least, I thought it was my rational mind. It sure seemed like the usual voice inside my head. Thank God there was only one of them.

~ M.a. George

See, that’s just it…You shouldn’t even know sayings like that,” I griped. “It takes normal people years to pick up on all those little phrases. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel, when I can’t even say ‘Hello, my name is Palta…Oh, and by the way—I’m the village idiot.’?

~ M.a. George

You can be intensely aggravating...” His expression struck me as closer to boredom than aggravation. “And somehow I suspect this isn’t the first time you’ve been told that.”“Nope,” I smiled mischievously. “Nor the last…

~ M.a. George

Ah yes…” He made an exaggerated nod. “I was supposed to be filling you in on Nangí’s story.” He winked at me playfully, as I kept up my glare. “Now, where should I begin?”“Tell you what, let me get you started,” I came back. “Once upon a time, there was this über-creepy old man—who looks like he lives in a haunted shack and eats small children for breakfast—and I decided to make him my new best friend becaaauuse… Okay, your turn.

~ M.a. George