Humor Quotes

Me?...Stupid?” I fluttered my eyes innocently. “When have I ever done anything stupid?”“Don’t get me wrong, you’re the smartest person I know…” She fought back a smile. “But you have done some of the dumbest things I ever thought possible.”“So you have a point…” I shrugged. “Still not stopping me.

~ M.a. George

I’m not familiar with this word you were repeating before…‘cojones’, was it?”I blushed as Dominick patted me on the back. “Way to introduce him to the vernacular, Palta.

~ M.a. George

Aeron’s stone-faced expression cracked, as he turned to give me a dumbfounded look. Meeting his questioning eyes, I let out a little annoyed sigh, “I refuse to believe that you don’t know the meaning of ‘cojones’.”“I’m well aware of the meaning,” he raised his eyebrows, fighting back a smile. “Just a little surprised at your choice of words…”“Yeah, I can really paint a verbal picture,” I responded dryly.

~ M.a. George

You get a kick out of shocking the pants off me, don’t you?” I shook my head with a smirk.He just shrugged with a playful smile, his eyes momentarily flitting toward my pants before returning to meet my gaze.“It’s an expression,” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me you aren’t familiar with it, Mr. Smarty Pants.”“You have quite a repertoire of ‘pants’ references, don’t you?

~ M.a. George

I can only imagine what goes on in that head of yours…” he teased. “I assure you I haven’t taken up black magic, ritualistic sacrifice, or—”“Plushophilia?” I tagged on.“Excuse me?…” came his half-confused, half-intrigued reaction.“An obsession with stuffed animals,” I clarified. “I mean, you are a young one…”“Where did you come up with that?” He kept his hands firmly covering my eyes, but I could hear the amused smile in his voice. “Is that even a real word?”“I’m a doctor, I know these things,” I shrugged.

~ M.a. George

I can finish that off and get you something better,” he offered.“You’d eat my leftovers?...” I felt like such a prima donna. “You’re a king.”“I’m a…hungry…king,” he shrugged, as he unassumingly glanced to the side. “I’m not picky.

~ M.a. George

Don’t be so concerned,” he whispered. “We will get through this, I promise.” “What makes you so certain?” I couldn’t help my skepticism.“We have no other choice,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Is that really all you can come up with?” I scowled. “Couldn’t you just lie and tell me you have some kind of secret badass weapon that is going to make this a piece of cake?

~ M.a. George

Seriously, Palta…” He was honestly puzzled, “I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. What about your ears is supposed to be so bizarre?”“Um…You’d have to be blind to miss them,” I replied sarcastically. “If you’re not, you will be when you poke your eye out on one of them.

~ M.a. George

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.

~ Richelle Mead

I decided that a movie marathon was clearly in order. I tried to narrow down the options. Anything romantic was definitely out, as was anything involving space travel, kings, or handsome princes. Preferably there should be no good-looking men whatsoever, lest they remind me of Aeron. Sadly, that eliminated practically everything.

~ M.a. George

Yeah, sure,” I scoffed. “You’re the picture of respectability and moral character…You expect me to believe you were your parents’ worst nightmare? What was your criminal act of choice—drunken bar fights? Or maybe grand theft auto? Don’t tell me you sold the crown jewels to buy drugs…It’s so disappointingly cliché.

~ M.a. George

It’s complicated. He’s not…' Human? 'He’s playing hard to get.

~ Nicki Elson

You’re just begging for a piece of me, you know that?” she growled. “I don’t know what gave you the idea I've lowered my standards, but I assure you, I haven’t. I want no part of you.

~ Gena Showalter

They don't fit you? V asked his roommate.Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People. Butch held his heavy arms out and turned in a circle, his bare chest catching the light. I mean, come on.They're for fighting, not fashion.So are kilts, but you don't see me rocking the tartan.And thank God for that. You're too bowlegged to pull that shit off.Butch assumed a bored expression. You can bite

~ J.r. Ward

He wanted more, as did I, but we still had a ways to go. I wasn’t a tease and my demands seemed pretty reasonable: always be honest and try not to eat me. ~ Sam, Living Violet

~ Jaime Reed

A series of howls and war cries echoed through the camp....The werewolves and Japanese had attacked.-pg.353 Forbidden Nights with a Vampire Kerrelyn Sparks

~ Kerrelyn Sparks

It wasn't necessarily that I wasn't a fan of fairies. Really. It wasn't that. It was that I wasn't a fan of being taken hostage by a group of fairies.

~ C.m. Stunich

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind.

~ Terry Pratchett

I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.

~ Stephen Colbert

My very photogenic mother died in a freak accident (picnic, lightning) when I was three, and, save for a pocket of warmth in the darkest past, nothing of her subsists within the hollows and dells of memory, over which, if you can still stand my style (I am writing under observation), the sun of my infancy had set: surely, you all know those redolent remnants of day suspended, with the midges, about some hedge in bloom or suddenly entered and traversed by the rambler, at the bottom of a hill, in the summer dusk; a furry warmth, golden midges.

~ Vladimir Nabokov

Is this neuro-bot really supposed to be her, this creature, this thing, compiled of the ghosts of human data, the replicas of their past?

~ Bremer Acosta

You never know what the vodka will bring,” I laughed.“Oh, like the time you caught my hair on fire at the candlelight party in Mel’s basement! That was the craziest thing that I ever had happen to me. If you hadn’t switched to water, I would have been bald!”-Cora, Nessa

~ Andrea Heltsley

When it comes to Jews, you have a two-thousand-year memory, but when it comes to us Palestinians, you have a sixty-year amnesia.

~ Suad Amiry

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

~ David C. Holley

Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we've got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing) Piper: Whatever.

~ Rick Riordan

Within a science fictional space, memory and regret are, when taken together, the set of necessary and sufficient elements required to produce a time machine.

~ Charles Yu

He put his hand on his forehead and scoured the French department of his memory for a word. He knew it was in there. He'd put it in almost fifty years before and hadn't had cause to remove it. But for the life of him he couldn't find it.

~ Colin Cotterill

Blackouts can be fun if approached with the right mindset. You just can't sweat the fact that you've lost a small portion of your life for all eternity. Occasionally, little bubbles of memory will float up like surreal Mylar party balloons at unexpected times throughout the net day and start piecing together a colorful, if incomplete, version of reality.

~ Josh Kilmer-Purcell

You know, I preferred you as an evil monk. Would have made killing you a whole lot easier.

~ Chris D'lacey

Want me to flex my magic for you, baby?

~ Sarah Rees Brennan

The spell...curled around...like smoke before settling in.Sophie: Okay, do you guys feel protected?Archer: Yes. Also a little violated, but that's neither here nor there.

~ Rachel Hawkins

The spells are made up. I have met people who assure me, very seriously, that they are trying to do them, and I can assure them, just as seriously, that they don’t work.

~ J.k. Rowling

Love and magic have a great deal in common. they enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice.

~ Nora Roberts

Kim was more than a little inclined to snarl at him, but in the past few days she had learned that snarling at Mairelon did little good. He simply smiled and corrected her grammar.

~ Patricia C. Wrede

It rained toads the day the White Council came to town.

~ Jim Butcher

Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and he does.

~ Karl Germain

I furrowed my brows at him. What was so amazing about a stick? I could pick one up outside on the way to the car. “Let me guess, you’re Harry Potter and this is the school of Hogwarts. If I say Lumos will it light up?

~ Brandi Salazar

She would walk through the kitchen at any hour, whenever she was hungry, and put her fork in the pots and eat a little of everything without placing anything on a plate, standing in front of the stove, talking to the serving women, who were the only ones with whom she felt comfortable, the ones she got along with best.

~ Gabriel García Márquez

That's our cue to depart. They know something I pointed out. I know something too. I know we're going to attract a lot of unwanted attention if they keep screaming. And then we have to make up some ridiculous explanation about how we heard screaming through the vents in our rooms and we followed the sound back to the basement and we found these girls lying on the ground and pretending to be tied up by invisible rope because they're practicing for the regional mime championships. I blinked at her. Is that explanation more or less believable than we woke up because two girls who are actually evil magicians tripped a magical alarm wired to a door in the basement we aren't supposed to know about Scout paused for a minute then nodded. Point made.

~ Chloe Neill

You said th' Magic was in my back. Th' doctor calls it rheumatics.

~ Frances Hodgson Burnett