She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven’t done in years— barnyard sounds.
~ Simone Elkeles
Don’t try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you.”“I hate you, too.
Luis is right there.” I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn’t as much of a chick magnet when you get into junior high.
Whoa, who was that?”“Madison Stone,” Kiara mutters.“Introduce me to her.”“Why?”Because I know it’ll annoy the shit out of you.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did.
Listen, I didn’t ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents’ DNA, I’ve got them, and I’m not ashamed to use ’em.
You’ve got a big ego, Fuentes.”“That’s not all I’ve got.
Can you put your hands on my crot
~ Jennifer Echols
The Professor doesn’t have a problem being called Dick? If my name was Richard, I’d go by Richard or Rich . . . not Dick. Hell, I’d even settle for being called Chard.
Boys don’t gossip.”“Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.”This was a disturbing prospect.
I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them.
Oh.” My dad actually looked sheepish. “It’s one o’clock in the morning and I was going to tell you to shut the monkey up and go to bed. I didn’t realise what was going on in here.”“What’s going on in here?” Cameron asked suspiciously.“Maturity.” My dad backed out of the room and closed the door.
Who’s driving the boat?”Over the motor, I heard girls screaming at us the instant before we crashed.
I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber.
But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the creases I’d pressed into it.
The Classic Notting Hill junkie, i.e; Armani underwear, Pink’s shirt and Burberry belt tourniquets
~ Tyne O'connell
I had done either too much coke or too little, a constant problem in my life.
~ James Crumley
. . . she is our dog. And because she is our dog, we can pick out the tiny, almost imperceptible good qualities from the ocean of terrible qualities, and we can cling to them. Because we want to love our dog.
~ Allie Brosh
Did I hear things, or can that little dog speak?” said Dibbler.“He says he can’t,” said Victor.Dibbler hesitated. The excitement was unhinging him a little. “Well,” he said, “I suppose he should know.
~ Terry Pratchett
Remember: If you go for a walk with a friend in England, don't say a single word for hours; if you go for a walk with your dog, talk to it all the time.
~ George Mikes
The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast liquorice and, the centrepiece, a roasted knight.
~ Elias Zapple
The devil was always in the detail. And here the detail was certainly devilish.
~ Sara Sheridan
Above everything else I've done, I've always said I've had more guts than I've got talent.
~ Dolly Parton
Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.
You're asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That's adorable.
~ Marissa Meyer
Author? Author? Did you write these legs?''Yes.'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.
~ Spike Milligan
He turned around, suddenly concerned. Are you pregnant? Are you gay? I'd rather you were gay than pregnant. Unless you're pregnant. Then we'll deal. Whatever it is, we'll deal. Are you pregnant?
~ Rainbow Rowell
Are you one of his teamm
~ Suzanne Brockmann
Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance
~ Jimmy Kimmel
...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John's handbag.
~ Ann Somerville
Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
~ Honeya
We've determined that Ms. Hauptman is a potential threat to the public safety, and we are bringing her in as a murder suspect who has supernatural powers that make her too dangerous to be incarcerated in the usual ways.
~ Patricia Briggs
That's enough! Holly scrambled out of her seat, too. My three-year-old behaves better than all of you. She looked down at LJ, who was trying to stuff a fry up his nostril. And that's not saying a whole lot.
~ Nicole Williams
Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.
~ Diana Rowland
If flatness were funny, a dinner plate would be hilarious.
~ Walter Moers
Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.
~ Meng Wang
Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.
~ P.g. Wodehouse
The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.
It’s an old Camorri tradition for when a bunch of people are planning something stupid,” said Locke. “Actually, we have a lot of traditions for that. You’ll find out
~ Scott Lynch
CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren’t they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan.... If it was Five Go Down To a Crack House it might be a bit more exciting.
~ Jen Campbell
