Never follow the crowd....Until and unless you're crossing the road...

~ Sanhita Baruah

Sanhita Baruah City Crossing The Road Crowd Funny Humour Metro Mumbai Road Crossing Traffic

Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..

~ Honeya

Honeya Hillarious Humor Humour Joke Jokes Laugh Laughing

Xav sprinkled olive oil on his lettuce. 'Lola was very particular that it all had to fit properly.' 'Lola?' squeaked Diamond. I wanted to warn her not to rise to the bait Xav was dangling in front of her but it was too late. Xav added some Parmesan and pepper. 'Suspicious, Diamond? You should be. This is a bachelor party I'm organizing, not a school outing, and it is going to tick all of Trace's boxes. Lola is either a very efficient water sports instructor or an exotic dancing girl; I'll leave it your imagination.' I rolled my eyes at Diamond. 'Myabe she's both. I mean the guys will really go for that, I guess. Don't worry,Di, Luigi and his crew will not disappoint us girls.' Luigi was in fact Contessa Nicoletta's little bespectacled chef with whom I had been consulting about the menu for Friday, but the Benedicts weren't to know that. 'He has promised to provide something suitably spicy for our tastes.

~ Joss Stirling

Joss Stirling Bachelor Crystal Funny Humour Laugh Party Seeking Tease Wedding Xav

Everywhere that we looked, were objects & artifacts reminiscent of a bygone age. of war & destruction, of mankind's determination to rule his neighbour, to prove how mighty he and his people are, yet a romance of days past that I am drawn to like a soul lost and hearing his lovers cries to him

~ Rob Shepherd

Rob Shepherd Diary Family Humour Life Monsters

I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

P.g. Wodehouse Humor Humour Jeeves Jeeves And Wooster Wodehouse Wooster Writing Writing Craft

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.

~ Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert 2012 Bill Clinton Government Shutdown Humour Newt Gingrich Politics Twitter United States

It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.

~ Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert Humour Mitch Mcconnell Politics Twitter United States United States Congress

He was a Parisian,’ he said. ‘You can never be sure what Parisians believe in – beyond Paris of course.

~ Ben Aaronovitch

Ben Aaronovitch France Humour Paris

Give me a fucking pre-med you fuckers, I'm a personal friend of Sir Lancelot Spratt.

~ Vivian Mackerrell

Vivian Mackerrell Biography Humour

The difference between doing something and not doing something is doing something.

~ James Corden

James Corden Biography Humour Inspirational

Gossip till the cows come home.

~ John Le Carré

John Le Carré Gossip Humour Proverb

My love for Neo-Tokyo is a bulbous massof post-human organic circuitry.Cyperpunk is my mother tongue.My love is a man-machine interface gun.

~ Yann Rousselot

Yann Rousselot Akira Alternative Apocalypse Humour Manga Poetry Science Weird

If I have to face the end of human existence, I want to look totally smoking when it happens. Now shut the hell up.

~ Angeline Trevena

Angeline Trevena Apocalypse Humour

The qualities I am looking for in Miss Right are intelligence and humour.

~ Brendan Coyle

Brendan Coyle I Am Looking Humour

I think if you come from a history of persecution you have to develop a sense of humour.

~ Sacha Baron Cohen

Sacha Baron Cohen Think You Humour

Of the things which nourish the imagination, humour is one of the most needful, and it is dangerous to limit or destroy it.

~ John Millington Synge

John Millington Synge Limit Humour Dangerous

My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox.

~ Carl Hiaasen

Carl Hiaasen Angry Jump Humour