Humourous Quotes

I thought you were a drunk.A drunk?Bloodshot eyes, dirty clothes, getting home in the wee hours of the morning, making a lot ofnoise, grouchy all the time as if you had a hangover… what else was I to think?He rubbed his face. Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have showered, shaved, and dressed in asuit before I came out to tell you that you were making enough noise to raise the dead.

~ Linda Howard

There's nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one's life.

~ Chet Williamson

So what's the problem?’‘No problem. There's no problem. Don't ever say what's the problem, nthat's the negative way of looking at things, you know like is the bottle half empty or half full, know what I mean, every problem is also an opportunity, the question here is what opportunity does this present us with?’‘It seems to me’, said Ernest stubbornly, ‘that this opportunity presents us with a problem. Is there a director that Virginia would like?

~ Jonathan Lynn

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Eating Crow This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

~ Matthew Heines

The only way to see everything, my dear, is to see it absolutely.

~ Sherry Lynn Ferguson

Honestly I don't know why i have these partiesBecause of your catThat's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort

~ Cassandra Clare

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Patriot Act In theater and football, it's the last act before it's curtains for Seahawks opponents.

~ Matthew Heines

When I wanted to quit smoking cannabis a few years ago and found that I couldn’t do it under my own steam I went in search of a self-help book to show me the way. Annoyingly all I could find were books on how to cultivate the damn stuff. So to exact my revenge on the world of publishing I decided to one day write that book myself.

~ Chris Sullivan

Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life.

~ Mary Quant

Men from children nothing differ.

~ William Shakespeare

Stop fretting and eat your Madeira Cake..

~ Diane Samuels

We're famous iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him.So's Swine Flu Fang whispered back.

~ James Patterson

Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes Sorry, we only take cash or credit. So there's that.

~ Taylor Swift

(backpacker having conversation with Lizzie the Australian main character)Backpacker: 'What's the drinking age in Australia?''eighteen''is that enforced'Lizzie thought for a second before answering seriously, 'yes, they make us drink

~ Catherine Deveny

She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.

~ Christopher Moore