Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.
~ Bob Hope
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
I don't generally feel anything until noon then it's time for my nap.
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
