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Terry Pratchett Quotes

Terry Pratchett quote from classy quote

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?”“Pickles gives me the wind something awful.”“In that case—”“Oh, I wasn’t saying no,” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Funny Humour Wind Witches

What was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But halfway between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of light and dark, when even the moon lived on the edge...maybe then a witch could believe in the moon.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Moon

Light died in the west. Night and tears took the Nation. The star of Water drifted among the clouds like a murderer softly leaving the scene of the crime.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Moon

the whole point of the wish business was to see to it that what the client got was exactly what he asked for and exactly what he didn't really want.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Wishes

It was raining in the small, mountainous country of Llamedos. It was always raining in Llamedos. Rain was the country's main export. It had rain mines.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Rain Weather

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Diarrhea Funny Humor Rain Storm Weather

Like sheep which, having been driven to a pasture, can now spread out at their leisure, the clouds began to drift. Afternoon sunlight sliced through into the still waters. The boomerang hung in the sky, and the boy thought he would have to find a new word for the way the colours gl

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Rain

Susan stared at him.The blue glow in Death’s eyes gradually faded, and as the light died it sucked at her gaze so that it was dragged into the eye sockets and into the darkness beyond……which went on and on, for ever. There was no word for it. Even eternity was a human idea. Giving it a name gave it a length; admittedly, a very long one. But this darkness was what was left when eternity had given up. It was where Death lived. Alone.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Death Discworld Eternity Soul Music

I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU. She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped off the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, a few brown feathers seemed to have been glued on. 'Thank you. Er ... what is it?'ALBERT SAID THERE OUGHT TO BE SNOW ON IT, BUT IT APPEARS TO HAVE MELTED, said Death. IT IS, OF COURSE, A HOGSWATCH CARD.'Oh ...' THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROBIN ON IT AS WELL, BUT I HAD CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY IN GETTING IT TO STAY ON. 'Ah...'IT WAS NOT AT ALL COOPERATIVE.'Really ...?'IT DID NOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE HOGSWATCH SPIRIT AT ALL.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Cute Discworld Humor Pratchett

Thou shalt not submit thy god to market forces.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Gods Humor

Om rubed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show tortoise how to fly. Then we let go.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Gods

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Gods Humor

She was the Goddess Who Must Not Be Named; those who sought her never found her, yet she was known to come to the aid of those in greatest need. And, then again, sometimes she didn't. She was like that.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Gods Humour

Wizards don’t believe in gods. They didn’t deny their existence, of course. They just didn’t believe. It was nothing personal; they weren’t actually rude about it. Gods were a visible part of narrativium that made things work, that gave the world its purpose. It was just that they were best avoided close up.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Gods Humor Science Terry Pratchett Wizards

The gods were there to do the duties of a megaphone, because who else would people listen to?

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Gods

I mean, it's one thing saying you've got the best god, but sayin' it's the only real one is a bit of a cheek, in my opinion. I know where I can find at least two any day of the week. And they say everyone starts out bad and only gets good by believin' in Om, which is frankly damn nonsense.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Gods Religion

I'VE NEVER BEEN VERY SURE ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT, said Bill Door. I AM NOT SURE THERE IS SUCH A THING AS RIGHT. OR WRONG. JUST PLACES TO STAND.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Right Wrong

I kill in my own time,” he said. “In any case, killing unconscious people isn’t right.”“I can’t think of a more opportune time,” said the Loremaster.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Kill Opportune People Right Time Uncounscious

Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water!

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Miracles Nature Religion

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Military

Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Humor Military

I dinna want to disappoint ye, but we's in a cellar right here, and it's full o' tatties.'After a while a voice said: 'So where izzit?''Maybe it's got the day off?''What's a demon need a day off for?''Tae gae an' see its ol' mam an' dad, mebbe?''Oh, aye? Demons have mams, do they?

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Demons Humor

That's the fashion. Fast as the speed of light, they say. Ha! It's got no soul, sir, no heart.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Disc World Fiction Going Postal Inspirational Marketing Terry Pratchett Tp

You're wondering if I really would slit your throat. To tell the truth, I don't know either, but think of the fun we could have finding out.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Fun Knife Magrat

They want dancing girls! They want thrills! They want elephants! They want people falling off roofs! They want dreams! The world is full of little people with big dreams!

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Dreams Fun Humour

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Fantasy Fun Humor Mort Science

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Full Hat Pratchett Sky Terry

I could use you—if you pass the tests, of course. There are three of them. You have passed the first.What are the other— Hrun paused, his lips moved soundlessly and then he hazarded, two?

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Hero Humor

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Luck

Million-to-one chances...crop up nine times out of ten.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Chance Luck

Because the world all twisted up and wrong, like distorted glass, only came back into focus if you looked at it through the bottom of a bottle.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Alcohol Knurd Reality Of Life

Why are our people going out there,” said Mr. Boggis of the Thieves’ Guild.Because they are showing a brisk pioneering spirit and seeking wealth and … additional wealth in a new land,” said Lord Vetinari.“What’s in it for the Klatchians?” said Lord Downey.“Oh, they’ve gone out there because they are a bunch of unprincipled opportunists always ready to grab something for northern,” said Lord Vetinari.“A mastery summation, if I may say so, my lord,” said Mr. Burleigh. The Patrician looked down again at his notes. “Oh, I do beg your pardon, I seem to have read those last to sentences in the wrong order…

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Patriotism Pratchett Science Fiction Fantasy

Why are our people going out there,” said Mr. Boggis of the Thieves’ Guild.Because they are showing a brisk pioneering spirit and seeking wealth and … additional wealth I na new land,” said Lord Vetinari.“What’s in it for the Klatchians?” said Lord Downey.“Oh, they’ve gone out there because they are a bunch of unprincipled opportunists always ready to grab something for northern,” said Lord Vetinari.“A mastery summation, if I may say so, my lord,” said Mr. Burleigh. The Patrician looked down again at his notes. “Oh, I do beg your pardon, I seem to have read those last to sentences in the wrong order…

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Patriotism Point Of View Science Fiction Fantasy War

Do you understand what’s going on here?”Hodgesaargh took another slow look at the scene. “No,” he said.“In that case’s not my job to understand this sort of thing,” said the falconer. “I wasn’t trained. Probably takes a lot of training, understanding this. That’s your job. And her job. Can you understand what’s going on when a bird’s been trained and’ll make a kill and still came back to the wrist?”“Well, no—”“There you are, then. So that’s all right. Cup of tea, was it?

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Simplicity Wisdom

The neck in front of her came up. The head swivelled 180 degrees and the horse looked at Kin with bright insectile eyes.'YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND,' it said inside Kin's head.'Hell!''THOSE ARE NOT MEANINGFUL CO-ORDINATES.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Funny Humor Life And Death

I recall no arrangement, Mau, no bargain, covenant, agreement or promise. There is what happens, and what does not happen. There is no 'should

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Life And Death Life Lessons

He thought of the deep crevasses and windy caves of Underlay, and the stories of the creatures that dwelt there. Of course, he didn’t believe in them. He’d told them, because the handing on of an oral mythology was very important to a developing culture, but he didn’t believe in supernatural monsters. He shivered. He hoped they didn’t believe in him.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Monsters Mythology

The apothecary’s name was Owlglass. He hummed to himself as he worked in his back room. He’d found a new type of blue fluff, which he was grinding down. It was probably good for curing something. He’d have to try it out on people until he found out what.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Medicine

He wanted to say: how could you be so nice and yet so dumb? The best thing you could do with the peasents was to leave them alone. Let them get on with it. When people who can read and write start fighting for those who can't, you just end up with another kind of stupidity. If you want to help them, build a big library or something somewhere and leave the door open.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Humor Library Reading Ricewind Writing

Several times he had to flatten himself against the shelves as a thesaurus thundered by. He waited patiently as a herd of Critters crawled past, grazing on the contents of the choicer books and leaving behind them piles of small slim volumes of literary criticism.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Books Discworld Library Literary Criticism
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