Hilarity Quotes

There is something almost shocking in the notion of so chaste a function carrying this Kantian hurlyburly in her womb.

~ William James

John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”........Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.

~ David Wong

In the third cabinet under the counter, she hit the good stuff. “Oh! You have a KitchenAid.” “If you’re planning on caressing my mixer, you should know that might make my testicles explode,” he said from behind her. Her cheeks went hot enough to glow. “That would be awkward.

~ Jamie Farrell

She trailed her fingers along the book spines as she wandered around the room. “My father thinks reading is a waste of time.” Hunter thought her father was a waste of space.

~ Larissa Ione

[…] One night, five men from Nuweiba were travelling past the mountain, and one of them fell behind, and was separated from his companions. As the man – whom we will call Ahmed – wandered in the darkness, wondering where his friends had gone, a beautiful woman suddenly appeared out of the night and blocked his path. She gave him a choice: ‘Sex, or be eaten!’ It was not a difficult decision. As the Bedouins put it, ‘the man did what a man has to do.’ […]

~ Robert W. Lebling

Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” - Owen

~ Olivia Cunning

Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender, Hilarity, hauls off and squirts me in the face with a seltzer bottle, ruining my n ice new camel hair suit, dousing my monocle and my watch fob, soaking my cravat. So, do I let him have what for, and blow my top? I do not. I simply say:Sorry, I believe I said 'very dry'.

~ Chip Kidd