Humor Quotes

Lady Ponsonby was right. The forbidden fruit isn't shaped like an apple. It's shaped like a banana.

~ Michelle Marcos

I deciced if I were ever to get into booze and women, my line would be, 'Excuse me, madam, but I would really love to bed and muss you. . . . Are you perchance free this evening?

~ Rachel Cohn

I've loved him for a decade. And I had him for one day before I made a complete and utter mess of things. Or he did. I'm still not sure about that.

~ Sarah Maclean

His attitude, though always bad, has changed since he helped me prep the Pandora charm for Morgan. He thinks I'm falling for her, as ridiculous as that sounds, and he might be tempted to take matters into his hands.

~ Kim Harrison

Are you telling me you're cooking me dinner?- Regan Its the quickest way, without physical contact, to get a woman into bed. The kitchen through there?

~ Nora Roberts

The human race is all the same when it comes to romantic relations,' said the Major. 'A startling absence of impulse control combined with complete myopia.

~ Helen Simonson

Did you let him know that if he can't see fit to return your blow job immediately, you will have no choice but to sue?

~ Meg Cabot

She felt the glide of his hair as he lowered his head to study the zipper on her skirt. Herimagination supplied other places his hair could touch, and she drew in her breath.He carefully pulled down the zipper, then pulled it back up. After several up and downforays, Kathy grew impatient:Hello? Have I lost you to a zipper? Darn. She must sound like every greedy womanwho'd ever lain with him.His soft chuckle reassured her. 'Tis a long night, lass, and the waiting willna hurt ye.These metal teeth are wondrous things.

~ Nina Bangs

What are you doing?”“What does it look like? I’m getting down on my knees.”His head butted against her stomach. Her muscles clenched, shocked at the touch, even through the layer of cotton.“I’ve never begged a woman for anything before. Enjoy this.”She tried to think of something sufficiently sassy. “Enjoy it? I can’t even see it.”“It’s symbolic.

~ Alisha Rai

He had relieved whores beyond counting of frocks, stays, chemises, garters, and stockings. He had never before in his life unbuttoned a gently bred maiden's glove. He'd committed salacious acts beyond number. He'd never before felt so depraved as he did now, as the last pearl came free and he drew the soft kid down, baring her wrist, and his dark fingers grazed the delicate skin he'd exposed.

~ Loretta Chase

Beth: What are you, the Energizer Bunny?

~ Lucy Monroe

But then it was over too quickly and they pulled away. She knew they couldn't stand there and kiss like a couple on the run in a thriller.

~ Joss Ware

Holy fu- he starts then catches himself.Yes,this tithe will be most pleasing to her Goodness. Me and Magnus exchange amused glances.

~ Mari Mancusi

He foll0wed her as she crossed to the four-station apparatus. His attention was glued to her butt the whole way. realizing what he was doing, he snapped his gaze away and checked to make sure no one had noticed.Nope. They were all too busy staring at Jamie's butt.

~ Sarah Mayberry

Having realized that her affection for Sinclair went far beyond friendship, there was only one thing for her to do. She took off her hat and banged her head against the nearest lamppost.Also realizing she was drawing attention from passerby, she put her hat back on and resumed walking.

~ Shirley Karr

He looked at her, amazed with her sudden nerves. “Sweetheart… marrying was never on any list of mine.” He reached for her hand and held it tightly in his. “But marrying you… now that’s something different.

~ Lucian Bane

Puh-lease… Team leather and cocks isn’t always right.

~ Bink Cummings

If I were being honest with myself, he lit a blaze, not just a blush, but that’s too much reality for me to admit.

~ S.l. Scott

I’m a creature of the night.” Slitted eyes peered at her suspiciously. “Good God, you’re not a morning person, are you?

~ Tiffany Allee

For an age we stood there like that, me holding him by the collar of his jacket and kissing him for all I was worth, him standing there, hands up like I was frisking him with no idea what to do about it.It. Was. Awesome.

~ Rosemary Clement-Moore

That's it...I'm completely giving up on boys and concentrating on staying alive.

~ Samantha Young

Obsessing over a boy makes the time fly.

~ Alecia Whitaker

Her hands shot up. “See that’s exactly what I’m saying. You’re seeing what you want, and what you see you explain away and excuse things like you’re fixing me. I’m not perfect, Ephraim and I really wish you would see that.” “You drool.” “What?” That caught her off guard. “When you’re asleep you drool. I’ve woken up more than a few times with a little puddle forming on my chest.” After a thought he added. “And you snore. Not a delicate snore either mind you.” “I do not!” Her face colored with indignation. He sighed heavily as if the knowledge pained him. “Oh, but you do. I’ve even heard Jill talk about it. Did you know that’s the main reason she was happy about her room. Actually, she and Joshua thanked your Grandmother for putting you at the other end of the house, something about finally getting a decent night’s sleep. They compared your snore to a chainsaw. I can see why they’d say that.

~ R.l. Mathewson

Thank you,” she whispered, sending up a quick prayer for his continued recovery.“You’re welcome,” Marcus murmured.Honoria let out a little shriek of surprise, jumping back nearly a foot.“Sorry,” he said, but he was laughing.It was quite the loveliest sound Honoria had ever heard.“I wasn’t thanking you,” she said pertly.“I know.” He smiled

~ Julia Quinn

Fine!' she snapped, the desperation to have him growing exponentially now. 'I missed you. Only you. No man could ever make me feel like you do. I'm ruined for all others. I renamed all my vibrators after you and none of them get me off like you can. Happy now?'His eyes glazed for a second. '*All* your vibrators?'-Convicted

~ Dee Tenorio

{Summertime she speaks of winter, she eats ham, but speaks of beef, got a good man but, flirts with another. She might as well go to hell, cause she ain't gonna be happy in heaven either!}

~ Nancy B. Brewer

I want to take ye to bed. In my bed. And I mean to spend the rest of the day thinking what to do wit ye once I got ye there. So wee Archie can just go and play at marbles with his bollucks, aye?

~ Diana Gabaldon

Gwen: It's not going to work.Paul: Pardon me?Gwen: Cinderella's not going to sleep with you because you're taking the ugly stepsister to the ball. She'll still make you wait.

~ Jo Leigh

Poppy: What makes you think I'm having dinner with you?Jake: Because you can't sit in your room and eat ice cream and chips two nights in a row. You'll get scurvy. You need vitamin C.

~ Sarah Mayberry

Like a battalion of marines at roll call, her neck hairs marshaled to five-alarm status. She stumbled back to her desk, jerked open the botton drawer, retrieved a pair of Nighthawk binoculars, fixed the scopes on him, and fiddled with the focus. Gotcha. Hair the colour of coal. Chocolate brown eyes. A five-o'clock shadow ringing his craggy jawline. Handsome as the day was long...He sauntered towards her, oozing charisma from every pore. Charlee forgot to breathe. And then he committed the gravest sin of all, knocking her world helter-skelter. The scoundrel smiled.

~ Lori Wilde

It was now twenty minutes past four in the morning, allowing for the fact that the clock in the library of his town house was four minutes slow, as it had been for as far back as he could remember.He eyed it with a frown of concentration. Now that he came to think about it, he must have it set right one of these days.Why should a clock be forced to go throught its entire existence four minutes behind the rest of the world? It was not logical.The trouble was though, that if the clock were suddenly right, he would be forever confused and arriving four minutes early -- or did he mena late? -- for meals and various other appointments. That would agitate his servants and cause consternation in the kitchen.It was probably better to leave the clock as it was.

~ Mary Balogh

While he’d been tentatively considering a possible romantic relationship with her, she’d fallen in love with him.He could barely speak. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Come on. You’re almost thirty, you’re old enough to go after what you want.

~ Alisha Rai

What have you done with Hetty? he demanded.Listened to her incessant prattle, complaints, tears, demands, artless conversation and recriminations for more than twenty-four hours. You will be pleased to know I didn't touch her—if I had I would have throttled her. Take her away, if you please. I'd rather spend the rest of my life a pauper than have to spend even another day with the divine Miss Chippie.

~ Anne Stuart

Trust me,’ he says with a touch of impatience.‘Stop asking me to do that,’ I say, equally as impatiently.

~ Sarah Alderson

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing

~ Skye Daphne

I undid the wrappings with great curiosity, for Holmes did not normally give gifts. I opened the dark velvet jewller's box and found inside a shiny new set of picklocks, a younger version of his own. Holmes, ever the romantic. Mrs. Hudson would be pleased.

~ Laurie R. King

She's as plastic as you are! I'm telling you, it's a bad idea. If the two of you have kids, they'll come out of the birth canal with Fisherprice stamped on their butts!

~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Gabrielle chuckled, her dark eyes twinkling. “So he’s been after you, has he? Poor Etta, pursued by a sun priest offering to pleasure—” “Every nook and cranny,” Marietta interrupted dryly and Gabrielle tipped her head back with a throaty laugh.

~ Michelle O'leary

Let’s not get started on their uniforms. Superman’s stretchy spandex has nothing on Batman’s sculpted pecs.”He glared at her. “You cannot bring fashion sense into a superhero discussion!”“If they wear it, it’s fair game.” She folded her arms on the table.

~ Alisha Rai

Reg: Speaking of blunt, dinner is on my bill tonight, mes amis.Alex: What's the occasion?Augustus: Lady Caroline's agreed to venture out on a picnic with out intrepid hero. Kit: I don't know why you keep insisting she's smitten with me. I've barely spoken five sentences to her.Augustus: It's very simple. Reg has thrown his entire being into pleasing Caroline. She knows every nuance of his thought and character. You, however, are a mystery to be explored, solved, and resolved.

~ Suzanne Enoch