Humor Quotes

If you're optimistic, think of it as bronze.

~ Markus Zusak

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

~ Rachel Caine

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?

~ Jeff Lindsay

But an inferior talent can only be graceful when it's carrying inferior ideas. And the more narrowly you can look at a thing the more entertaining you can be about it.

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

There's something amazing about humor and laughter. It broadens your perspective.

~ Hrishikesh Agnihotri

I couldn't have done 16 months of deployment without a sense of irony. N

~ Patrick Hennessey

Life makes fun of us and we should help it.

~ David Brandon

All right, all right, you go right on thinking you an act of God created in his image, and I’ll go right on thinking I’m descended from an ape. When you look in the mirror I should think you’d feel pretty discouraged; I wouldn’t be happy to look at myself and think that my faces is an Imago Dei. It wouldn’t make me feel I’d done very well by God. But when I look in the mirror and that I’m descended from an ape, I feel I’ve done remarkably well.

~ Madeleine L'engle

I had this dream about you. We went hunting up in the mountains and I caught a unicorn. You told me now I know how it feels to be you.

~ Crystal Woods

After 25 the only thing you’ll be precocious at is death.

~ Patricia L. Steffy

I'm a kindhearted but highly competitive pragmatist. When I seek to win something, I always make certain it's never at the expense of anything more serious than the inadequate efforts of others.

~ Jonathan Kieran

Dreams are fragile. Reality is a clumsy postman.

~ Faye Mccray

Hertzfeld recalled that Gates just sat there coolly, looking at Steve in the eye, before hurling back, in his squeaky voice, what became a classic zinger. Well, Steve, I think there's more than one way of looking at it, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it.

~ Walter Isaacson

It is well known that stone can think, because the whole of electronics is based on that fact, but in some universes men spend ages looking for other intelligences in the sky without once looking under their feet. That is because they've got the time-span all wrong. From stone's point of view the universe is hardly created and mountain ranges are bouncing up and down like organ-stops while continents zip backward and forward in general high spirits, crashing into each other from the sheer joy of momentum and getting their rocks off. It is going to be quite some time before stone notices its disfiguring skin disease and starts to scratch, which is just as well.

~ Terry Pratchett

I can last two months on a good compliment.

~ Mark Twain

Decide the type of person you want to be, and when others aren’t looking, unique up on them.

~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

Desire to be thin grows bigger and bigger. As does my appetite.

~ Rae Earl

A paradox is a storm that rains on itself.

~ Shannon L. Alder

No matter where you go, there you are.

~ Keith Caserta

Time changes nothing, girl, but the size of your underwear. . .and hopefully your hairdo.

~ Minton Sparks

You can't do that, it makes too much sense.

~ Daven Anderson

Don't make me come down there. - God

~ Keith Caserta

Being a Falconer is about saving the buggers even if they don't deserve it. - Farlan MacNeil

~ Edwin Mcrae

How has he moved so quickly from childlike naïvité to existential panic?

~ Michael Grant

People who do not eat butterflies will wear their clothes the wrong way, and people who wear their clothes the wrong way are inviting lemmings inside. -- Muzhduk the Ugli the Third

~ Alexander Boldizar

I suppose longevity requires giving up life's pleasures, one by one, until there's nothing left.

~ Gary Inbinder

Sometimes your own tongue can make you deaf and dumb.

~ Anirban Bose

Don’t worry,” he said, that grandfatherly smile spreading across his face once more, “I’ve been fishing for over forty years.  You’ve got plenty of time to catch up, maybe even pass what I’ve done.  You’re a perspicacious piscatorial pursuer, and I’m sure you’ll catch the big ones.

~ S. Bradley Stoner

A clear conscience is due to a poor memory.

~ R.j. Newman

In life things are only free after you've paid for them.

~ T.a. Uner

I take very few people seriously, and I'm not one of them.

~ Cian Beirdd

The stupidest people suddenly become a little cleverer when we learn that they think well of us

~ Jude Morgan

It is quite futile to argue that man is small compared to the cosmos, for man was always small compared to the nearest tree.

~ G.k. Chesterton

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes

~ Benny Bellamacina

I’m going to become a beat poet and a lesbian!

~ Benjamin R. Smith

PricklyWhen I'm feelingporcupine-y,I get nasty,I get whiny.Stay away orI might stick you.My sharp words arequills to prick you.

~ Laura Purdie Salas

The morning slathers its whateveracross the thing.

~ Michael Robbins

(1)BEING A POETis like opening a car door& exposing yourself.(2)BEING A GOOD POETis like opening the door& exposing the passengeras well.

~ Chocolate Waters

All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Just as Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete.

~ Christian Lander