Humour Quotes

Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he'd ever been shot at with.

~ Jill Shalvis

Just leave me alone, I want to be alone,” she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the lock, and wound the window up. Since the roof was down, it was a fairly pointless exercise.

~ Sarah Mayberry

What sort of look are you going for?” Damn, how did he answer this? “Something…normal,” he finally said.

~ Toni Blake

Excuse me, your attention please.” He waited until the whole floor had stopped what it was doing and turned to face him. For a split second his impulse control kicked in, but by then his mouth was fully engaged. “For the record, Claire Marsden and I are not having sex.

~ Sarah Mayberry

Sadly, however, the sight of her generous D cups no longer sparked an ounce of interest from Little Sam, the man in charge of social activities.

~ Sarah Mayberry

Wow,” she said. “Do you realise how wonderful you sound?”“Yes, I do,” he said with a firm nod. “And I think I’m underappreciated.

~ Robyn Carr

How do you know?”“Well, I don’t, I’m making this up, but I bet I’m right.

~ Robyn Carr

He tends to go for girls who are-Shelby, honey? Put your hands over your ears for just a sec.” Back into the phone he said, “He likes the real slutty ones. Ow!” he yelled when he received a whop to the back of the head.

~ Robyn Carr

Suddenly he caught his reflection in the mirror behind her. His face was twisted into a dark scowl, and he was standing there naked, with a boner, and another man’s business card in his hand.He looked like a dick.

~ Sarah Mayberry

There was a group of fans who wanted autographs, and several women who managed to write their phone numbers on Wade's hand before he pulled free.Sam sent him an arched brow, but he just shrugged. He got numbers written on him a lot; he'd never figured out how to stop that from happening.

~ Jill Shalvis

I focused, rather embarrassingly, on his chest which was rising and falling slowly. I left teeth marks!

~ Kyra Lennon

Erica had asked me a million times. 'Madison, are you sure you’re just the child minder? He pays you a lot of money for doing hardly anything.' Pushing aside the blatant insinuation that I was his weekend whore, I’d always told her the absolute truth. He’d never so much as looked at me inappropriately, let alone anything more.

~ Kyra Lennon

Brooke? he finally found the sense to ask. What are you doing here?I need a gun.This was not how his dream was supposed to go.

~ Shannon K. Butcher

What the dev— er, deuce did you do that for? It hurt!”“Good,” said the angel. “I was afraid these new shoes would not be sturdy enough.

~ Anne Gracie

Marry me. You'll learn to love me, I promise.

~ Robyn Carr

Okay, babe, I'm here.”

~ Christy Reece

What are you doing here?”All right, he was standing in front of an easel, holding a paint palette and brush. “Taxidermy?” he responded with just a touch of his own sarcasm.

~ Robyn Carr

Being amongst rough lives and confusion does not make you less, it only makes your beauty shine out more clearly.

~ Sharon Sant

I’m a firm believer in equality at all times—”“At all times,” he repeated. “However, in the bedroom or in the club, I am a lot more equal than you.

~ Cherise Sinclair

But you were concerned about making sure things, you know, didn't get serious.Yeah, because I'm an idiot.

~ Robyn Carr

Excuse me,” she said, her voice tight. “But if I’d known there was going to be a firearms examination at the end of the kidnapping, by God, I would have studied for it!

~ Tara Janzen

You can’t possibly be afraid of trees.

~ Tara Janzen

She’d never known a man whose initial move was to undress the woman he wanted.

~ Tara Janzen

Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

Maybe we could, um, go sit in the truck? he said, but even as he said it, it sounded so dumb. And not exactly the way he wanted her to remember a marriage proposal.

~ Robyn Carr

Tom. Tom, look at me. Has Nora agreed to marry you?No, but she will because she has to.

~ Robyn Carr

He took the pen and book from her and faltered.“Just write anything – anything trivial that won't matter if it comes to pass.”“Erm...” God, he was useless at this.Elena's hair turned blue.“Hey!”“What?”“I don't want blue hair! What the hell did you write that for?”“It seemed trivial.”“Blue hair – blue? That's trivial? What if I can't undo it?”Karl stared at her blankly. His throat went dry. He felt like a total dickhead, but writing really wasn't his strong point, so he went for humour instead and flashed her a grin.“I was going to write that all your clothes fall off, but figured you may have a problem with that. This was the second thing that came to mind.”(Karl and Elena)

~ Dianna Hardy

Ty didn't think Middleton was a great girl. He thought Middleton was a pain in the ass. Waltzing around with her shiny hair and long legs and her throaty voice, being cuter than a fistful of buttons. Where did she get off?

~ Eve Dangerfield

Emerging from the next chalet in the row was a young woman, probably mid-twenties he guessed, about medium height and build, with dark brown bobbed hair. She was clutching an arm full of books and a cup of coffee.That he had taken all this in, in a single glance, was remarkable. As he had simultaneously taken the fact, she was absolutely naked…“Good morning Miss!” “Miss? I never call anyone Miss! She could be married! A radical feminist! And I have just insulted her! I should have said Mizz, or Mam’, Oh God!” The thoughts raced through Addy’s panic-stricken mind. “There has been a spot of trouble at the clubhouse.” Professional, act professional. “I am making a few enquiries, I’d like to come back and ask you a few questions when …” Professional, you’re a professional, Man up! “… When you have … got yourself sorted out.” Phew!!

~ Ted Bun

Gabe, you’re sick, and much as you’re a shithead sometimes, I’ve trained you to be a fairly acceptable shithead to me. If you died I’d have to go to all the effort of training someone else.”“If I died maybe you should consider a change of career into the nursing profession. With your lovely bedside manner you’d be a shoo-in.

~ Lily Morton

Shithead Boss Man, eh? You know, Dylan, I really lucked out in the assistant department. The other partners in the firm have ended up with someone awful, who soothes them, is at their beck and call and agrees with them all the time. I got one who is sarcastic, argumentative, scruffy, rarely where he should be, and calls me Shithead Boss Man rather than Sir.”Jude laughs at him, before reaching out and swiping one of the prawns from my carton of sweet and sour. “He’d call you Sir if you spanked him.

~ Lily Morton

He’s adorably high-handed where you’re concerned, isn’t he?”My eyes slide closed. “With anyone.” “No,” he says thoughtfully. “Only you. He really can’t be bothered with anyone else, unless they’re connected to you. You’re all he sees.

~ Lily Morton

The truth is that I will always need you more than you need me. It’s also the truth that I’m not a good bet for someone as vital and young as you. I’m bad tempered, a perfectionist who is too serious, and too used to being on my own. You could go out tomorrow and find someone better for you, but the truth is that no one will ever need you like I do.” He pauses and then says firmly. “No one will ever love you like I do.

~ Lily Morton

Listen to me very carefully, and think hard about what happens if you go over my head to do something for me that you think is right. What is my normal reaction?”Gabe slumps slightly. “Not favourable?

~ Lily Morton

Isn't it lovely to be lovely me!

~ Nancy Mitford

Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Hope is a strange thing, not to mention a common prostitute name,...

~ Andy Paine

All night the angelic made me gasp for breadth and dream of drowning in sand or earth or mud. I got up, my chest still racked, but glad to be finished with the phantasms which magnify a reality difficult enough in itself. Coffee so bitter it was undrinkable. A big roar. Two big roars. No relief. The mornings only consolation was of a faecal nature. Unexpectedly and impeccably i produced a magnificent turd, so long it had to curve at the ends to fit into the bowl. I contemplated fondly the fine chubby little babe of living clay i'd just brought forth, and my zest for life returned.

~ Michel Tournier

There is a miracle in your mess, don't let the mess make you miss the miracle.

~ Patience Johnson

It’s when your plans look dead that God’s resurrection power begins to operate in your life in greater measure

~ Patience Johnson