I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father's shotgun.
~ Eddie Albert
If love is the answer could you rephrase the question?
~ Lily Tomlin
I don't know which was worse the cost of the bridesmaid dress or having to wear it.
~ Debbie Etchings
I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?
~ Jerry Seinfeld
A bachelor is a man who has to know how to remove a coffee stain from a catsup stain from a silk tie.
~ Dan Bennett
I don't like being best man at a wedding 'cause there's no way to prove it.
~ Anonymous
A bachelor is a man who can take a nap on top of a bedspread.
~ Marcelene Cox
Definition of a bachelor: A man who likes to invite girls over for a Scotch and sofa.
Father giving advice to son: Never do anything once around the house that you don't want to do for the rest of your life.
~ Frank Briggs
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
The groom is so much better for her than her last boyfriend. He's sophisticated he brings her flowers and candy he dines by candlelight. Her last boyfriend thought it was enough to spray her name on a fence.
~ Tim Conway
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First let her think she's having her way. And second let her have it.
~ Lyndon Johnson
The last word in an argument is what a wife has. Anything a husband says after that is the beginning of another argument.
My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she writes in her diary.
~ Drake Sather
He loved her for what she was - rich. He worshiped the ground her family struck oil on.
No man is boss in his own home but he can make up for it by making a dog play dead.
~ W. C. Fields
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over the strings are still attached.
~ Jacob Braude
My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine too decent too old.
~ Grade Allen
Marriage is a great institution but I'm not ready for an institution.
~ Mae West
We're having a little disagreement. What I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception and what he wants is to break off our engagement.
~ Sally Poplin
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
My wife and I just celebrated our twelfth anniversary. I'm Catholic so there's no real possibility of divorce. I'm Irish - so there is the possibility of murder.
~ J. J. Wall
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
'Tis more blessed to give than to receive for example wedding presents.
~ H. L. Mencken
Arguing with my wife is like this: I came! I saw! I concurred!
Our marriage is based on compromise-he admits he's wrong and I forgive him.
~ Carol Spieker
My wife and I have many arguments but she only wins half of them. My mother-in-law wins the other half.
~ Terry Bechtol
I can always tell what kind of a time I'm having at a party by the look on my wife's face.
~ John Bedrosian
We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.
~ Roseanne Barr
I'd like to go to assertiveness training class. First I need to check with my wife.
~ Adam Christing
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
Never get married in the morning because you never know who you'll meet that night.
~ Paul Hornung
When I met Jean I felt God reach down out of the sky pull my hair and say This one dummy.
~ Richard Atcheson
They were married for better or worse. He couldn't have done better and she couldn't have done worse.
she: Before we got married you told me you were well-off. he: I was and I didn't know it.
When my wife was asked Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . . she answered For richer.
It is assumed that the woman must wait motionless until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly.
~ George Bernard Shaw
The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did.
Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.
~ Harlan Miller
True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells get your ears checked.
~ Erich Segal
