Lily Tomlin Quotes

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

~ Lily Tomlin

I said Somebody should do something about that. Then I realized I am somebody.

~ Lily Tomlin

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

~ Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

~ Lily Tomlin

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.

~ Lily Tomlin

Just remember, we're all in this alone.

~ Lily Tomlin

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

~ Lily Tomlin

To me, 'sexual freedom' means freedom from having to have sex.

~ Lily Tomlin

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

~ Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer could you rephrase the question?

~ Lily Tomlin

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

~ Lily Tomlin

We're all in this together ... alone.

~ Lily Tomlin

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

~ Lily Tomlin

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

~ Lily Tomlin

I think my politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them.

~ Lily Tomlin

Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life!

~ Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

~ Lily Tomlin

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

~ Lily Tomlin

I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat.

~ Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

~ Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

~ Lily Tomlin

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

~ Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

~ Lily Tomlin

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

~ Lily Tomlin