Bill Watterson Quotes

Reality continues to ruin my life.

~ Bill Watterson

I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

~ Bill Watterson

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

~ Bill Watterson

CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.

~ Bill Watterson

Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!

~ Bill Watterson

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.

~ Bill Watterson

To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.

~ Bill Watterson

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.

~ Bill Watterson

Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?

~ Bill Watterson

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

~ Bill Watterson

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

~ Bill Watterson

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.

~ Bill Watterson

As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

~ Bill Watterson

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

~ Bill Watterson

We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.

~ Bill Watterson

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

~ Bill Watterson

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.

~ Bill Watterson

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

~ Bill Watterson

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

~ Bill Watterson

That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.

~ Bill Watterson

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

~ Bill Watterson

I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.

~ Bill Watterson

The world isn't fair, Calvin.I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

~ Bill Watterson

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

~ Bill Watterson

Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?

~ Bill Watterson

Now what state do you live in?''Denial.

~ Bill Watterson

From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.

~ Bill Watterson

Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

~ Bill Watterson

If you can't win by reason, go for volume.

~ Bill Watterson

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.

~ Bill Watterson

Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.

~ Bill Watterson

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a Double word score box! Hobbes: ZQFMGB isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.

~ Bill Watterson

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse

~ Bill Watterson

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.

~ Bill Watterson

I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!

~ Bill Watterson

I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.

~ Bill Watterson

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.-Calvin

~ Bill Watterson

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

~ Bill Watterson

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

~ Bill Watterson

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

~ Bill Watterson