Humor Quotes

But, I tell myself, Weight is just an artifact of gravity. If this were a jazz club on the moon, I would weigh less.

~ Weike Wang

Humans should be permanently under development.

~ Graeme Simsion

Observation: I can’t see a thing.Conclusion: Dinosaurs.

~ Carl Sagan

Centuries had passed since the dawn of science, yet men offer riches in the name of God.

~ Vinod Varghese Antony

Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably out to be. His chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

~ Ambrose Bierce

There are three known planets in the PSR B1257 system, which have been named Draugr, Poltergeist and Phobetor. Poltergeist was the first to be discovered. I know, I was curious about their names as well. Poletrgeist means pounding ghost. The draugr are the unded in Norse legends who live in their graves. And Phobetor is the personification of nightmares, and the son of Nyx, Greek goddess of the night.Astronomers are goths.

~ Brian Cox

Geckos could caught by hand, but they could be found in the men's room.

~ Deh Gel

Life is better with a partner.

~ Melissa Mae Palmer

if you have returned then either its a deception or its a dream...from now no nightmares onwards.

~ Prakhar Singh

Every mistake tried to teach but...I always tried to missAt the end i thought i was breaking myself...the mistakes were repeating without a helpfrom then i learn to learn from mistakes...whatsoever it takes,you will beat the best

~ Motivation

Every mistake tried to teach but...I always tried to missAt the end i thought i was breaking myself...the mistakes were repeating without a helpfrom then i learn to learn from mistakes...whatsoever it takes,you will beat the bestwhen you dont repeat your mistakes...

~ Prakhar Singh

Just because 2 billion people believe it, doesn't mean it's true.

~ Neil A. Hogan

We all know that scientific words need an obscure classical origin to make them sound impressvie to those who wouldn't know an idiopathic craniofacial erythema if it hit them in the face.

~ Mark Forsyth

I said that I had heard curiosity could be harmful, in particular to cats

~ Michael Chabon

Everything is what it is because it got that way.

~ D'arcy Wentworth Thompson

He fell in love with the way she fell in love with everything besides him.

~ Polkadot

A beautiful face like yours should be smiling. Why don't you smile?I do smile. When something beautiful happens in a book, I can't help but smile.

~ Polkadot

You mean you've been in this same set of rooms here for... two hundred years?' murmured Richard. 'You'd think someone would notice, or think it was odd.''Oh, that's one of the delights of the older Cambridge colleges,' said Reg, 'everyone is so discreet. If we all went around mentioning what was odd about each other we'd be here till Christmas.

~ Douglas Adams

The zoologists who came from Germany to inseminate the elephantwore bicycle helmets and protective rubber suits.So as not to be soiled by effluvium and excrement,which will alchemize to produce laughter in the human species,how does that work biochemically is a questionto which I have not found an answer yet.

~ Lucia Perillo

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.

~ Douglas Adams

If you still believe that aliens would travel hundreds of light years to carve temporary graffiti in our wheat, then your imagination is one of the seven wonders of the world, and should be bronzed.

~ Seth Shostak

And although the space they occupy isn’t like normalspace, nevertheless they are packed in tightly. Not a cubic inch there but is filled by a claw, a talon, a scale, the tip of atail, so the effect is like one of those trick drawings andyour eyeballs eventually realize that the space between eachdragon is, in fact, another dragon.

~ Terry Pratchett

The delicate balance between these factors helps explain why, for instance, the typical prostitute earns more than the typical architect. It may not seem as though she should. The architect would appear tobe more skilled (as the word is usually defined) and better educated (again, as usually defined). But little girls don’t grow up dreaming of becoming prostitutes, so the supply of potential prostitutes is relatively small. Their skills, while not necessarily “specialized,” are practiced in a very specialized context. The job is unpleasant and forbidding in at least two significant ways: the likelihood of violence and the lost opportunity of having a stable family life. As for demand? Let’s just say that an architect is more likely to hire a prostitute than vice versa.

~ Levitt/Dubner

Did I see them waving?' said Mrs Liberty'And particling, I shouldn't wonder' said the Alderman

~ Terry Pratchett

So many FREAKS and not enough CIRCUSES!

~ Rachel Renée Russell

Yo soy carne muerta. Translation: I am dead meat.

~ Kiersten White

CUSTOMER: If I were to, say... meet the love of my life in this bookshop, what section do you think they would be standing in?

~ Jen Campbell

With no reason to hide these words I feel, and no reason to talk about the books I read, but still, I do.

~ Morrissey

Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.

~ Susie Derkins

Far be it from me to keep a woman from her book. That could become dangerous.

~ Elizabeth Hunter

He wanted to tell her she'd have more room if she'd just get rid of her books, but he supposed that in her case, it would be like telling a mother she'd have more room if she threw out her children.

~ Cynthia Hand

If the self-help books worked, it would be a shrinking industry not a growing one.

~ Steve Maraboli

You is getting nosier than a parker.

~ Roald Dahl

The airport bookstore did not sell books, only bestsellers, which Sita Dulip cannot read without risking a severe systemic reaction.

~ Ursula K. Le Guin

Geeks are not the world’s rowdiest people. We’re quiet and introspective, and usually more comfortable communing with our keyboards or a good book than each other. Our idea of how to paint theEmerald City red involves light liquor, heavy munchies, and marathon sessions of video games of the ‘giant robots shooting each other and everything else in sight’ variety. We debate competing lines of software or gaming consoles with passion, and dissect every movie, television show, and novel in the science fiction, fantasy, and horror genres.With as many of us as there are in this town, people inevitably find ways to cater to us when we get in the mood to spend our hard-earned dollars. Downtown Seattle boasts grandiose geek magnets, like the Experience Music Project and the Experience Science Fiction museum, but it has much humbler and far more obscure attractions too, like the place we all went to for our ship party that evening: a hole-in-the-wall bar called the Electric Penguin on Capitol Hill.

~ Angela Korra'ti

Books are, let's face it, better than everything else. If we played Cultural Fantasy Boxing League, and made books go fifteen rounds in the ring against the best that any other art form had to offer, then books would win pretty much every time.

~ Nick Hornby

I believe my life has a value, and i don't want to waste it thinking about clothing.I don't want to think about what i will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more boring than fashion?

~ Michael Crichton

I'm an open book. But some of the pages are stuck together.

~ Kelli Jae Baeli

What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb.American novels, answered Lord Henry.

~ Oscar Wilde

French Louis Seymour of the West Canada Creek, who knew how to survive all alone in a treacherous wilderness, and Mr. Alfred G. Vanderbilt of New York City and Raquette Lake, who was richer than God and traveled in his very own Pullman car, and Emmie Hubbard of the Uncas Road, who painted the most beautiful pictures when she was drunk and burned them in her woodstove when she was sober, were all ten times more interesting to me than Milton's devil or Austen's boy-crazy girls or that twitchy fool of Poe's who couldn't think of any place better to bury a body than under his own damn floor.

~ Jennifer Donnelly