Humor Quotes

I'm not a size zero, I'll never be a size zero, and the number of fucks I give about that is zero.

~ Lauren Gallagher

…one lives and analyses data within a frame, unaware that the solution is most often just outside of that frame. Never underestimate the depth of your subjectivity.

~ Darrell Calkins

It was supposed to say Great Artist on my tombstone, but if I died right now it would say such a good teacher/daughter/friend instead; and what I really want to shout, and want in big letters on that grave, too, is FUCK YOU ALL.

~ Claire Messud

Humanism is my Religion, Good is my adoption , Bad is my Elimination, Acceptance is my Decision, Love is My Gift , Relation is my Affection ,Truth is My Strength, Help Is My Credit , Knowledge is My Treasure

~ Jagan Kumar

Shit happens. You can either stand their and complain about the smell or you can wipe your shoe and keep walking.

~ Tommy Cotton

I'll never be the size that has single digits and my thighs will always touch when I walk but I'm ok with that.

~ Sugar Jamison

Remember to remember: sometimes your adversary is your biggest asset. Where would David be without Goliath? Jesus without Judas?

~ Brandi L. Bates

Happy endings are for people that can't survive the alternative. What a bunch of wimps.

~ S.l.j. Shortt

Living is about clucking your tongue and enjoying the sound.~Slater

~ Ted Dekker

It stands to reason that anyone who learns to live well will die well. The skills are the same: being present in the moment, and humble, and brave, and keeping a sense of humor. (361)

~ Victoria Moran

Here's to another year and let's hope it's above ground.

~ Carol Shields

It's only life. We all get through it.

~ Dean Koontz

Europe, the land of easy mathematics where he who works adds up and he who retires subtracts. The land where the economy gets to stagger all over the continent.

~ Núria Añó

There are two ways to learn life's lessons, the easy way and the hard way. I seem to prefer the hard way.

~ Patty Houser

When I hear that people live by the book, I always wonder which one.

~ Aleksandra Ninkovic

I don't know about you, but this whole life thing has been the cause of all my problems.

~ Bond Bixler

Life is too important to take seriously.

~ Corky Siegel

I don't know it is that I always feel that other people can create things but that I can't. I imagine it's simpler living in remote tribes or communities where one is obliged to have a go or else you have to do without. I suppose it is fear of failure in an age where political correctness is trying to erase the word 'failure' from the language. It's OK to fail isn't it, but only if you've tried? What is so bizarre is that when one does try, one rarely falls short. Obviously some people do things better than others but if it gives you pleasure, then so what? As my grandmother used to say, 'patience and perseverance made a bishop of his reverence!' So don't say you can't make candles or soap or that you can't spin or weave until you've tried it. As for mending, well, if you're not throwing everything away, then you have no option but to make do and mend. After all, the only way to get rid of shopping malls and supermarkets with their food miles is for people not to shop in those places and the way to cure this mercenary mercantile world is to make your own things.

~ Clarissa Dickson Wright

I want my life to be about LIVING, not leaving --which is why I'm LEAVING nothing behind.

~ Shelley K. Wall

Once upon a time she had liked to dance. When she had been about the same age as the little brunette out there who kept lifting her dress up over her head. Now that was living. Just lift your dress if you wanted to get down and don't worry what anyone thought.

~ Erin Mccarthy

As someone who grew up in the Bronx, I certainly learned my share of four-letter words, but none are more powerful than nice.

~ Linda Kaplan Thaler

Addiction is the primary way people escape the modern world. Unfortunately, it is destroying the modern world.

~ Christyl Rivers

If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't got it? Flaunt it. 'Cause what are we even doing here if we're not flaunting it?

~ Mindy Kaling

I sometimes get hassled for using the term fat but I also use the term crazy to describe myself and I'm fine with that because I'm taking those words back. I'm also taking sexy back because, frankly, Justin Timberlake has had it too long and he doesn't even need it.

~ Jenny Lawson

Regret is good. It proves you have a conscience.

~ J.r. Young

You gotta make it a priority to make your priorities a priority.

~ Richie Norton

Identify your Radar – it’s your brain functioning optimally; not a vague intuition or cosmic sixth sense.Train your Radar in key areas like: evaluating people, personal safety, healthy relationships, physical and mental well-being, money and credit cards, career choice, how to get organized.Meet the Radar Jammers. They have the power to turn down or turn off our clear thinking Radars.
Some are well known: alcohol and drugs, peer pressure, infatuation, sleep deprivation.
Others are surprising: showing off, fake complexity, anger, unthinking religions, the need for speed, dangerous personality disorders, and even fast food!
Learn reasonable approaches and specific techniques to deal with them all.

~ C.b. Brooks

Nobody knows anything...... Not one person in the entire motion picture field knows for a certainty what's going to work. Every time out it's a guess and, if you're lucky, an educated one.

~ William Goldman

No one is sent by accident to anyone.

~ Juvy Ann

Fate bring two people together and it is love's job to keep them there

~ Juvy Ann

To see the dawn of a new beginning, You have to make a move in the Night.

~ Digvijay Jaiswal

Destiny was funny stuff, he knew. You couldn’t trust it. Often you couldn’t even see it. Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else—coincidence, maybe, or providence. You barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you. Then just when you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer.

~ Terry Pratchett

I had a dream about you, and in the dream you were dreaming of me. We were meant for each other subconsciously.

~ Rodney Jenkins

What'd you think would happen when you died? That the prophecy would just be over and we'd all be like, oops, guess we got that one wrong?

~ H.m. Ward

The termination, final chapter of endless road.

~ Usha Cosmico

You can’t keep bitch-slapping your creativity, or it’ll run away and find a new pimp.

~ George Meyer

Does it not occur to people that I might be artificial by nature?

~ Maurice Ravel

Humor and paradox are often the only ways to respond to life's sorrow with grace.

~ Matthew Fox

Without an element of vulgarity, no man can be a work of art...I have to try and think what an artist is, apart from a hooligan who cannot live within his income of praise.

~ Quentin Crisp

Respect is not creative ... Chanel is an institution, and you have to treat an institution like a whore — and then you get something out of her.

~ Karl Lagerfeld