Humor Quotes

Geoff’s arm emanated with a solid warmth I longed for after our days aboard S.S. British-Craphole.

~ Katherine Mcintyre

Pheromones didn't care about tomorrow. They didn't care about education or employment or age.

~ Tracy Brogan

Could the entire notion of finding one’s soul mate be a simple case of looking for ourselves in another body? Is the “soul mate” really just the best approximation of ourselves that we can find?

~ Dermot Davis

True love is jealousy in disguise: A man cannot restrict his lover from going to the club because he hates her, he actually hates the men who would come around and touch her.

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Women want a lot of sex with the man they love, men want to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women.

~ Dermot Davis

Romantic love has its place but to define relationship solely in romantic terms is like describing marriage only by what a couple does on their honeymoon.

~ Dermot Davis

Like Mum and that bastard.” “You mean Da?”“Call him what you like.

~ G.a. Aiken

A large proportion of mankind, like pigeons and partridges, on reaching maturity, having passed through a period of playfulness or promiscuity, establish what they hope and expect will be a permanent and fertile mating relationship. This we call marriage.

~ C.d. Darlington

Do you, Damon Chroi, sovereign of the Goblin Kingdom, take this woman, Diana Piper, to be your queen and wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, in times of angry gods and rogue goblins, in true name-induced death and in health, because she resurrected you - you lucky bastard - to love and to cherish even when she's more powerful than you and kicking your ass at everything you do, from this day forward until she can no longer stand the smell of rain? - Roman D'Angelo

~ Heather Killough-Walden

I didn’t like his tone. In fact I didn’t like boys’ tone when they knew they were hot and tried to be rude to girls because they knew they were hot.

~ Luella Christie

A year ago I would’ve been taken in by his chivalry, but now I knew what laid behind the façade: a frog waiting to bite me where it hurt the most given half the chance.

~ Luella Christie

Try me, and you start LOVING!!

~ Nikhil Anubhav Minz

Try me, amd you will start LOVING!

~ Nikhil Anubhav Minz

I don't do relationships because I don't want to love and lose myself.

~ J.c. Reed

In the harsh veracity of the real world, he was rich, successful, and one of the most desired bachelors in New York—and I was, well, me. A world I hoped wouldn’t tear us apart by pointing out just how different our lives were.“You’re probably eager to get home,” Jett whispered in my ear so the flight attendant serving coffee wouldn’t hear us, “but will you stay with me one more night? I’m not quite ready to let this go.

~ J.c. Reed

Don’t answer the door without a shirt! Now, go get dressed before you catch a cold,” I scolded.“Why? He was kinda cute. Do you think he would’ve went for it if I said I didn’t have any money?” Wesley asked.“You’re mine and I wouldn’t let you prostitute yourself for pizza. Now go put on a shirt,” I said, pulling two slices onto a plate.

~ J.m. Colail

Good luck on your test.”“I’m gonna ace it for sure!” I said, rolling to Wesley’s side of thebed and pulling the sheet up.“Don’t I know it,” he smiled, and then slapped the doorframe. “Ohyeah. If Gus calls, just tell him I was balls-deep in your ass and that I’mon my way now.

~ J.m. Colail

You know that feeling you get when you pass by a cop doing like 20 over, when your stomach hits the floor and you get weak in the knees and it seams like time just stops for a min? Thats how i feel every time i see her. I love it.

~ Andrew Vyvyan

Nah, Mike’s gonna stop by. He had to work late and he workswith this really cute chick and I just know he….” Alycia folded her armson her chest and pouted. “She better be a blonde bimbo with a huge rackand no personality if he’s gonna cheat on me.

~ J.m. Colail

If you love three people at the same time, choose the first one, because if there was a 4th or 5th one, you might still fall for them.

~ Emmanuel Aghado

All men have parties and are pals who never let each other down. A pal can say terrible things which are forgotten the next day. A pal never forgives, he just forgets, and a woman forgives but never forgets. That's how it is. That's why women aren't allowed to have parties. Being forgiven is very unpleasant.

~ Tove Jansson

I'm thinking skywriting. 'Sorry I was an asshat. Please forgive my stupid butt.

~ Erin Watt

We are all going to die soon. Do you really wish to waste time being angry at me?Yes. I remain an unrepentant optimist. If i see that I am about to die, or you, I will forgive you. But not until then, you bastard.

~ Sherry Thomas

Two things I learned a long time ago, Cate: Don't hold a grudge longer than it takes to work your way through a pan of brownies all by yourself, and don't begrudge someone an apology if they deserve it.

~ Alyssa Goodnight

That's the unforgivable sin, you know.What is?Refusing to forgive someone.Refusing to forgive someone is the unforgivable sin? I asked incredulously.

~ Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

If you can't forgive and forget, then pick one and do it ...

~ Jim Brault

Sometimes... the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person... is batshit crazy.

~ Michelle Bartlett

Horror shares an edge with hilarity.

~ Shannon Huffman Polson

Sad, slow music in the small hours of the morning isn't just sad and slow music. It's a narration. And through the myriad of morning dew, we are the twinkling stars that fade with the rising sun.

~ Dave Matthes

Wait.” Stefan’s voice was hard suddenly. Bonnie and Elena turned back and froze, embracing each other, trembling. “What is your—your father—going to do to you when he finds out that you allowed th

~ L.j. Smith

The morning after Jim’s death, as I dried off after my shower, I wondered to what extent, if at all, Jim was…around. Could he be with us, unseen or unsensed by us, but able to observe? Most importantly at this moment, could he possibly see me naked?

~ Kelly Wilson

By all accounts Rafe's life had been shattered by the loss of his brother Peter. But whereas she turned away from drink when Draven died, Rafe had simply upended a barrel of brandy on his head and hadn't taken that hat off since.

~ Eloisa James

At least I rescued your poor hot dog.

~ R.l. Stine

For me, adoption was grief in reverse.

~ Jody Cantrell Dyer

Everything is perfect. Everything is fine. The rules of life are made up. The rules only exist in your mind.Of course there may be courtesies And closures and laws to abide,But the zeal with which you play Relies on where YOU draw the line

~ Jason Mraz

It's all well and good to have profound thoughts on a regular basis, but I think it's not enough. Well, I mean: I'm going to commit suicide and set the house on fire in a few months; obviously I can't assume I have time at my disposal, therefore I have to do something substantial with the little I do have. And above all, I've set myself a little challenge: if you commit suicide, you have to be sure of what you're doing and not burn the house down for nothing. So if there is something on the planet that is worth living for, I'd better not miss it, because once you're dead, it's too late for regrets, and if you die by mistake, that is really, really dumb.

~ Muriel Barbery

Later, they also found a camp of outlaws who, when offered the chance to join the rebel ranks, unsheathed their daggers and threatened to cut the three into tiny, bloody pieces and eat them for dinner. They too that as a firm no.

~ Morgan Rhodes

One ought to have some sort of transcendent realization that the world exists because the gods are trapped in the same abyss you've occupied for three years. It should be inspiring or comforting or, I don't know, cathartic.

~ Anaea Lay

I try to smile at her, but I can't extend my flexibility training to my mouth, it just won't move.

~ Steph Campbell

The doctor was a frequent visitor at Miss Trumball's establishment, preferring it to the Lanchester house, whose girls had a saturnine disposition in his opinion, as if imported from Maine or other gloom-loving provinces.

~ Colson Whitehead