Humor Quotes

When you know better, you do better!

~ Sract R. Webb

Don’t tell me you have OCD about this?”“OCD, ADHD—pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I’d have it.

~ Cyma Rizwaan Khan

No Matter what you're, Matter is ; What you do.

~ Harishankar Kaushik

Sometimes I feel like I am on top of the world. Other times it feels like the world is on top of me.

~ Raegan Butcher

world is hell!make it heaven if you have pure strength.

~ Kiran Dev

I dreamt that ‪@mark_wahlberg‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬ and his wife were our neighbors and we had dance parties in our living room and drank wine from solo cups. Everyone said I danced like I was doing parkour, and everyone laughed, until I fell off the roof and broke my neck.-Crystal Woods and Jarod Kintz

~ Crystal Woods

Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn’t lie.

~ Genereux Philip

gratitudenoun \ˈgra-tə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\ 1. The word thrown in your face by people who covet what you want and believe that your lack of contentment is a sin. Often, these people believe success is what you have already and obtaining anything else is optional, but not required.

~ Shannon L. Alder

A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey.

~ Sophie Monroe

Oh my God, not only is he older than the Grand Canyon, but he’s like the pope and the Fae King and the president of the United States all rolled up into one. To some ancient cultures he had been a god. He was going to hurt her so bad before he killed her so dead, and all she could think of was how hot his kiss had been in the dream and how delicate the touch of his finger was as it traced down her body.

~ Thea Harrison

Did you meet your soul mate? That always happens on the first day of school, right?''Oh God, Charlie, she's letting you read again! You went straight to the paranormal section, didn't you?

~ Francesca Zappia

And if you don’t think I can hold my own against all those eighteenth-century mortals you were out tagging, then you’re a fool, Casanova.” ... “Oh, yes, I know all about you.”He went still. “What are you talking about?”“I was alive back then. And all the Lore heard about the ruthless warlord brothers from Estonia. The general, the scholar, the enigma, and . . . the manwhore.

~ Kresley Cole

God, you’re sexy when you talk Psy.

~ Nalini Singh

You do not mind my humor?”“Not at all. I’ve not laughed like this …” His brows drew together. “I think I’ve never laughed like this.”“Usually I exasperate people. And I jest at inappropriate times. Such as during executions. Freya says ’tis my gift and my bane to frustrate others.”“I like your manner, Reginleit. Life is long without humor.

~ Kresley Cole

Barrons: He got upset it wouldn't shut up and tore its head off.Mac: The child? I gasped

~ Karen Marie Moning

Lothaire is very much alive.”“You swear?”“Often. Though not as much as foul-mouthed Regin. I try not to in front of Bertil.” She petted the bat.“I meant—will Lothaire live?”“He will.

~ Kresley Cole

I'm looking for a man Bree started.Aren't we all, dear? All I got's bread and doughnuts, but they're the next best thingI don't know about that .. well maybe doughnuts. I've lost my .. friend. He's tall-sixfour-longish dark hair, wearing a kiltOh him She smacked a hand over her heart I'd take him over doughnuts any day

~ Anita Clenney

I need a victim and no offense Yuki, but your carrot sticks are lacking in controversy.

~ E.j. Stevens

I'm hoping you end up happily married to the man of your dreams and have a hoard of beautiful kids that'll keep you on your toes by turning your neighbours into various types of pond-life. He then shot her his signature grin. But if it happens to be me, then I wouldn't say no.(Karl to Elena in The Witching Pen)

~ Dianna Hardy

Thank you for that, boy genius! Where did you graduate from? Hogwarts School for the Mentally Unbalanced?

~ Leia Shaw

And-he was ashamed to admit--he had been known to carry off the occasional roll of duct tape. That stuff could be used for everything.

~ Sharon Ashwood

I might be half Derek's size, but I was the one who sounded like a two-hundred-pound beast plowing through the woods.

~ Kelley Armstrong

TimeTrap raised her head and looked pointedly at St. John. “It was a dimensional portal, silly. Duh.

~ J.t. Bock

There’s a head inside the ball?” Surefire turned a shade paler along the edges of her face paint.“It is good,” Coatl responded. “Makes the ball lighter, bounce farther.”“You always want to get a head in the game,” Raven added.

~ J.t. Bock

My heart battered against my ribs, my breath stalled and I gazed up into his laughing, smiling eyes...eyes that suddently glowed crimson and cruel.

~ Terri Clark

He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasn't sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth? What else does he have in there? (Amy's thoughts, The Witching Pen)

~ Dianna Hardy

MEG (to Dante, the vampire):“Vampires aren’t as cool as I expected them to be. In romance novels, vampires are all dark and broody and sexy. In real life, you talk an awful lot about stocks.

~ Sophie Oak

All this for two bad lines he could’ve gotten out of a fortune cookie?

~ Zoe Forward

Give it up to God,” they’d say, or “He won’t give you more than you can handle.” Fuck that. He preferred to just stay here and kill things.

~ Joel Crofoot

You are such a wolf.”,“When it comes to you? Absolutely.

~ Terry Spear

It’s not the dead people you got to worry about… It’s the living that are scary.

~ Terry Spear

Turning up Gower Street, she was headed to the First Presbyterian Church, not that she had suddenly decided to become born again or some shit. No, there was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that was about to let out, so she figured she would drop off a little gift by the exit. Nothing big, just the six pack. That was not why she had come, of course, but why pass up the opportunity to lead someone into temptation?

~ Joel Crofoot

Unless the she-wolf agrees, there’s always a chance of rejection.

~ Terry Spear

Zorro pulled her into his arms and crushed her against his body, kissing her soundly on the mouth. “My, what a big sword you have, sir,” she said, sweeping her hand over his sheathed sword. “I’m fully armed,” he said, “with that and more.

~ Terry Spear

Brett will need some clothes if someone can drop some by.” “All we need is a bear rug,” Meghan said.

~ Terry Spear

Hi, name’s Ran.” The werewolf smiled, hand extended.Silence.Ran mimicked the knight’s deep voice, while pretending to shake an invisible hand. “Hi, I’m the Amyntor.”More silence.“Oh, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” the werewolf said in his own voice. “No, the pleasure’s all mine,” he said in Atlas’s voice.After yet more silence, Ran coughed into his fist before turning to look down the line at Aaron. “I see where you get your sense of humor from.

~ M.a. Wilder

Get your fang boner under control. Your freaking out my person

~ Alanea Alder

You can't adopt people like kittens! Aiden growled. 'I wouldn't know; someone wouldn't let me get a kitten', Meryn retorted. 'Fine, you can have a kitten, no people''Too late

~ Alanea Alder

I've been wearing my super gown because someone won't let me go get maternity clothes because they are being a paranoid, drama bear

~ Alanea Alder

How do you poop? Where does it go? If you get more prestigious as you go down, aren't you shitting on the upper classes?

~ Alanea Alder