Humor Quotes

When writing, I uncage KAT: Keep Adding Tension. Even if I don't know where the story's going, petting the KAT keeps it purring.

~ Don Roff

So the gods,” Moash said, nursing his own drink, “were pleased that you solved problems on your own . . . by going to other gods and begging them for help instead?”“Hush,” Rock said. “Is good story.

~ Brandon Sanderson

The sleds accelerated quickly as they glided effortlessly over the smooth ice. We had never before experienced such a quick, easy slide. usually we wished we could push ourselves to make our sleds go faster. But not this time. The crystals of ice started flying past at an incredible rate of speed. No longer aware of where my sister and her sled were, all I could see was raw ice whizzing by ten inches under my chin at a rate of speed I never imagined I would experience on a sled. I felt like I was flying!

~ Daniel Boerman

I said I fell down. Ah. The ground bloodied your nose, split yer lip, and punched ye in th' eye, all at once.I said I don't want to talk about it.

~ Tamora Pierce

That will solve nothing, my lord.” His wife strode into the kitchen, stiff pride shining in her eyes. “I told you to keep her in hand.” Brodick glared at his cousin, wondering just when his life had turned inside out. Druce scowled at the sweet smile Brodrick’s wife cast toward him. He lifted his finger and pointed at her. “She bit me.

~ Mary Wine

Has he written to you?''He writes frequently.''Shew me his letters this instant, I order you'; and M. de Renal added six feet to his stature.

~ Stendhal

No man is taller than his head, and there is no big brain that is bigger than the head!

~ Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Pride has often been his best friend. It has connected him nearer with virtue than any other feeling.

~ Jane Austen

• They’re like chickens who get out of the henhouse, and they’re so proud of themselves, and so puffed up from being able to eat all the worms and beetles and caterpillars they want, that they never think about foxes.

~ Neil Gaiman

All right, shadow-priest, you've been spying — on what? What state secrets have you learned watching me groom these horses?''Only that they hate you, Daru. Every time your back was turned, they got ready to nip you — only you always seemed to step away at precisely the right moment-''Yes, I did, since I knew what they were intending. Each time.''Is this pride I hear? That you outwitted two horses?

~ Steven Erikson

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

~ Elizabeth Eulberg

I remind you that I have no faith. If I sought God, I find myself.

~ Henry De Montherlant

As soon as Mr. Prosser realized that he was substantially the loser after all, it was as if a weight lifted itself off his shoulders: this was more like the world as he knew it.

~ Douglas Adams

For people who like that sort of thing, that's the sort of thing they like.

~ William F. Buckley Jr.

She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.

~ Christopher Moore

Only a person with the true heart of a dictionary-writer would be lying in bed, three days after being stabbed in the gut, worrying about his P's.

~ Kristin Cashore

You sure about this writer thing son?

~ Christopher Moore

Sometimes I don't even know why I'm writing what I'm writing...I'm just following these people around and taking notes.

~ P. Anastasia

A writer flirts with schizophrenia, nurtures synesthesia, and embraces obsessive-compulsive disorder. Your art feeds on you, your soul, and, yes, to a degree, your sanity. Writing novels worth reading will bugger up your mind, jeopardize your relationships, and distend your life. You have been warned.

~ David Mitchell

The simple act of sitting here sipping this cappuccino is its own testament to my commitment to living the writer’s life. Which is to say: doing nothing but doing it exceedingly well.

~ Sol Luckman

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?

~ Gian-Carlo Rota

During the act of making something, I experience a kind of blissful absence of the self and a loss of time. When I am done, I return to both feeling as restored as if I had been on a trip. I almost never get this feeling any other way. I once spent sixteen hours making 150 wedding invitations by hand and was not for one instance of that time tempted to eat or look at my watch. By contrast, if seated at the computer, I check my email conservatively 30,000 times a day. When I am writing, I must have a snack, call a friend, or abuse myself every ten minutes. I used to think that this was nothing more than the difference between those things we do for love and those we do for money. But that can't be the whole story. I didn't always write for a living, and even back when it was my most fondly held dream to one day be able to do so, writing was always difficult. Writing is like pulling teeth. From my dick.

~ David Rakoff

If you were crossing the road and saw a black cat passing, you may possibly get hit by a car, or a mail boy or the sky could rain in summer, possibly snow. Those were theories, none of them were true. It was like karma; it only happens to you if you believed in them. Myths, Cecilia called them. The guy looked frozen. This is silly, she thought. He could not be that affected by the cat. Cecilia had been working here for a year and she wasn’t struck by lightning, she was alive, of course, nobody chose the cat so this is why she was the oldest pet in the store.

~ Basma Salem

If I had followed every urge I ever had, I would have had much more sex and killed a lot more people

~ Tommy Cotton

Part of what I love about novels and dogs is that they are so beautifully oblivious to economic concerns. We serve them, and in return they thrive. It's not their responsibility to figure out where the rent is coming from.

~ Ann Patchett

I just came this morning and haven't been debriefed yet about the status of our latest prisoners. As a matter of fact, I'd barely stepped inside

~ Elle Aycart

After giving it some thought, I've decided to name my monkey mind Ricky Bobby. I was thinking about Latin names like Javier, but I don't want to make my jumping, distractable self sound mysterious and sexy. Ricky Bobby makes me laugh. A name like that seems silly, not strong. Just a goofy little thing that doesn't know what to do with its hands, likes to go fast, and loves tiny, infant, baby Jesus.

~ Anna White

And now that they have us here, under their control, they've dropped whatever act they had on earth. We're seeing them as they really are.' He dipped his glove into the water and watched as the water turned golden. The air suddenly smelled of citrus. 'Look! It's orange juice!''Josh, focus!''You sound just like Mom or Isis or whatever her name is.

~ Michael Scott

Humanity was a passing notion to him; something he liked to try on for size and model in the dressing room, but never actually felt compelled to buy.

~ Jane Bled

Yeah, I write Urban Fantasy, but its more like Die Hard or Indiana Jones with Fairies, Mummies and a Vampire who uses guns more than his teeth.

~ Kevin James Breaux

When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.

~ Xondra Day

Where did the stereotypical image of the reclusive author in a bathrobe and slippers, indulging in vices and spending hours before a typewriter, even come from? I don't know about you, but most writers don't have the luxury of doing any of this. Otherwise we'd have no life experience and nothing to write about, anyway.

~ Rebecca Mcnutt

And I write novels! chimed in the other cop. Though I haven't had any of them published yet, so I better warn you, I'm in a meeeean mood!

~ Douglas Adams

Slartibartfast's study was a total mess, like the results of an explosion in a public library.

~ Douglas Adams

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, or scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged!

~ Funny

I never understood, what a starving artist was until I became one.

~ Mary Sage Nguyen

144461I know very little having to do with human beings that doesn't also have to do with connection. We want to be noticed, we want to be good enough, we want friends, and we want to be loved. We want our place to stand.

~ Chris Crutcher

Let’s just say that once the party was over, the Tribe had the decency to put most of the things back into place with the possible, and otherwise notable, exception of the platypus and a moronic drinking game that later evolved into the imperial measurement system.

~ Sorin Suciu

The key to being a great agent is treating everyone like a celebrity and treating a celebrity like everyone else.

~ Michael Houbrick

If you're not writing, you're wronging.

~ Kevin James Breaux