Humor Quotes

You can flip a coin but Schrodinger's pet cat will still be in that box.

~ Scott Edward Shjefte

He might be living on mice, but Chesterton does not look like an animal who is governed by his appetites. He's an ascetic, if Cathbad ever saw one.

~ Elly Griffiths

I wrote a book on cats. In retrospect, I should have used paper, cause chapter six got hit by a car.

~ Wynne Mclaughlin

The purr is very important. It's the purr that does it every time. It's the purr that makes up for the Things Under the Bed, the occasional pungency, the 4 a.m. yowl. Other creatures went in for big teeth, long legs or over-active brains, while cats just settled for a noise that tells the world they're feeling happy.

~ Terry Pratchett

Cats, Dog considered, were clearly a lot tougher than lost souls

~ Terry Pratchett

Quote taken from Chapter 1:I know what. Isabel reached under the end table, took out the game board, and rattled the Band-Aid box containing the letter tiles. It's been a week-and-a-half since our last Scrabble game.

~ Ed Lynskey

And the Lady's mate. Despite having only two legs and small fangs, there was much that was feline in that one, and he approved.

~ Anne Bishop

I'm poor and my cat is huge.

~ Christopher Moore

LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME I-Oh, uh, helloI did not expect an answerI did not expect an entranceI did not expect this room to be so unbelievably dullSo, uh, goodbye

~ Francesco Marciuliano

Puss hopped down from the couch and rummaged in Mark’s closet until he found a black leather belt. This he looped along his shoulder, around his waist, and then clasped together. “I’m off to make war, so that you may have love.

~ Zechariah Barrett

Ty rested his hand on Zane’s chest again and closed his eyes. Zane turned his head with infinite care and kissed Ty’s forehead.Wesson gave him a warning growl.“Mine,” Zane told the cat.

~ Abigail Roux

I like to search for class struggle in strange domains. For example it is clear that in classical Hollywood, the couple of vampires and zombies designates class struggle. Vampires are rich, they live among us. Zombies are the poor, living dead, ugly, stupid, attacking from outside. And it's the same with cats and dogs. Cats are lazy, evil, exploitative, dogs are faithful, they work hard, so if I were to be in government, I would tax having a cat, tax it really heavy.

~ Slavoj Žižek

Cat love is genuine, because it's 10 percent devotion and 90 percent frustration and betrayal. - 67 REASONS WHY CATS ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

~ Jack Shepard

Look, cat, you and I are never going to be friends. She’s going tocall you Max, but I’m going to call you Shit Head. And if you think forone second—” The cat lies down in a tight little ball of nastiness andfalls asleep. “Oh, please. Make yourself at home by sleeping on myscrotum.” I peek out into the sitting room area that connects to thefour bedrooms, and then glance back at the kitten. Releasing a sigh ofdiscontent, I pet Shit Head with one finger. He purrs extra hard, andI find myself wondering if I could train him to do things. Every heroneeds a sidekick, and I’m nothing if not a Grade-A Hero. - Dante Walker

~ Victoria Scott

Four of us,' said Morwen. The cats yowled. 'Yes, I know, and of course you're coming, but you can't carry a bucket of soapy water, so for the purposes of this discussion it doesn't matter,' she told them. The cats gave her an affronted look, turned their backs, and began making indignant little noises at each other.

~ Patricia C. Wrede

Never try to out-stubborn a cat.

~ Robert A. Heinlein

Trying to corral the suburban stampede with a bunch of school buses was like herding cats. Actually, it was worse than herding cats. It was herding white people, earth's only species with a greater sense of entitlement than a cat.

~ Tanner Colby

I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives.

~ M.j. Mcguire

I've got a Siamese cat. It has 2 heads and 18 lives.

~ M.j. Mcguire

A cat is friendly in a hollow sort of way, like the way a prostitute is friendly.

~ Jonathan-David Jackson

If you can love cats, you can love human beings, because you have to be able to love them without getting them at all.

~ Chris Kelly

The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.

~ Robert A. Heinlein

Can you imagine those poor bastards grappling their prey, leaping over the rails, swords in hand, screaming 'Your cats! Give us all your god-damned cats!

~ Scott Lynch

There is no known cure for severe affection for one's cat. The only way to relieve the symptoms is to go ahead and launch a kiss attack.

~ Tichakorn Khroopan Hill

Majid gave me a brief dazzling golden stare and then half-lidded his eyes again. I know when my life is being threatened.

~ Robin Mckinley

No one had ever accused Koko of being naughty. Perverse, perhaps, or arrogant, or despotic. But naughtiness was beneath his dignity.

~ Lilian Jackson Braun

I walked through the house to the back porch and found the screen door covered top to bottom, side to side, with cats meowing for food. . . . They were so thick on the door I could barely see the light between them.

~ Earl B. Russell

The cat arrived with a bottle of Scotch.

~ Christopher S. Wren

The human race can be roughly divided into two categories: ailurophiles and ailurophobes - cat lovers and the underprivileged.

~ David Taylor

So Nikki came aboard as Jaqueline's spare cat, presumably in case our prime cat, Eliza, goes on vacation, takes industrial action, or requests a personal day.

~ Christopher S. Wren

Got a bout of doubt? Breathe.

~ Magdalena Vandenberg

Caterpillars can fly, if they just lighten up.

~ Scott J. Simmerman Ph.d.

He was just drifting off to sleep when it occurred to him that perhaps the dog was not so ordinary after all. Perhaps he was someone the ogre had changed, and Ivo was going to spend the night hugging a headmaster or a tax inspector

~ Eva Ibbotson

Time flies when you grow fangs and fur.

~ Dianna Hardy

A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early.

~ Michelle Franklin

Eventually our whole world, every culture, will explode and we'll all just be fucking cosmic dust. We'll all dissipate. We'll all be nothing and everything. What's more spiritual than that?

~ Dash Shaw

It’s what happens when you shoot someone,” Wayne pointed out. “At least, usually someone has the good sense to get dead when you go to all the trouble to shoot them.

~ Brandon Sanderson

I admire the person who can write it right off. Mencken once said that a person who thinks clearly can write well. But I don't think clearly--too many thoughts bump into one another. Trains of thought run on a track of the Central Nervous System--the New York Central Nervous System, to make it worse.

~ James Thurber

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Patriot Act In theater and football, it's the last act before it's curtains for Seahawks opponents.

~ Matthew Heines

I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.

~ David Sedaris