Humor Quotes

The moon was wide—too wide and too close. Mentally, Simon told the moon to stop being so close and bright and that it should just generally shut up with the mooniness.

~ Cassandra Clare

The moon’s weird though, right? It’s there, and there, and then suddenly it’s not. And it seems to be pretty far up. Is it watching us? If not, what is it watching instead? Is there something more interesting than us? Hey, watch us moon! We may not always be the best show in the universe, but we try.

~ Cecil Baldwin

Wisdom of the Ages: Do the aliens on the moon pull down their pants and 'earth' their friends for fun?

~ Matthew D. Heines

Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.

~ Karl Lagerfeld

You make all the fashion statements just by dressing up your mind.

~ Jason Mraz

[Looking like a straight girl] means wearing clothes that seek and destroy comfort. These are garments designed by gay men to attract heterosexual men. The straight girl is simply the hanger for an inside joke.

~ Mary Dugger

I'm so not interesting in having to try and make something out of foil.What, you didn't like the poncho with wraparound leggings?It was beyond hideou- wait a minute. You watch that show?My mom loves it.But your suppose to be sulking in the basement getting ready to light fires.What can I say? I'm a failure as a teenager. I watch TV with my mom.

~ Elizabeth Scott

There will be days that you don’t want to dress up and if you have some decent looking athletic wear, you can give the illusion that you’ve just been working out, as opposed to giving up on life.

~ Big Mama

Just the way it never rains when you have an umbrella, you'll never run into people if you look fantastic. But go outside in pajamas, and you'll run into every ex you have.

~ Tim Gunn

In all, his outfit required nearly two thousand man-years of research and development, eight barrels of oil, and sixteen patent and trademark infringement lawsuits. All so he could possess casual style. A style that, in logistical requirements, was comparable to fielding a nineteenth-century military brigade.But he looked good. Casual.

~ Daniel Suarez

From time to time, you may see a girl wearing her black opaque tights as pants. They are, in fact, not.

~ Nina García

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.

~ Oscar Wilde

Young people, however, tend to ignore the customs of their elders. Adolescent rebellion has been responsible for all manner of absurd costumes. The more ridiculous a certain fashion is, the more adolescents will cling to it.

~ David Eddings

Jenna slipped in wearing an outfit that I can only describe as Hello Kitty Goes Goth.

~ Rachel Hawkins

He's wearing his official university sweatshirt again, which puzzles me a little. I mean I'd sort of understand it more if it said Yale or Harvard or something, because then it would be a fashion choice. But why advertise the fact that you're at a university to all the other people who are at the university with you?

~ David Nicholls

Hiking is sort of like strip poker: by the end, all the participants are hot, sweaty, and nearly naked, and the winner is the person who wore the most layers.

~ Winona Dimeo-Ediger

Let's face it -- if I could scrap in a full-length bodysuit, I would.

~ Lain Ehmann

If you are the type who truly longs to be a Southern Belle at all times, regardless of taking twice the space available in bus, subway or elsewhere, you had best remove yourself to a large estate replete with servants.

~ Elizabeth Hawes

I'd urge you to try German Riesling because it's delicious, but I fear you'll be more impressed if I tell you it's cutting-edge. That, after all, is what we want to know-- what's now and happening. (Do you really think clunky square-toed shoes make your feet look better than those with slimming, tapered toes? You just wear them because that's what fashion dictates, you slut.)

~ Jay Mcinerney

Perhaps the most irrational fashion act of all was the male habit for 150 years of wearing wigs. Samuel Pepys, as with so many things, was in the vanguard, noting with some apprehension the purchase of a wig in 1663 when wigs were not yet common. It was such a novelty that he feared people would laugh at him in church; he was greatly relieved, and a little proud, to find that they did not. He also worried, not unreasonably, that the hair of wigs might come from plague victims. Perhaps nothing says more about the power of fashion than that Pepys continued wearing wigs even while wondering if they might kill him.

~ Bill Bryson

Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are so popular now that you cannot swing a canvas bag at a farmer's market without hitting a pair. In fact, at outdoor gatherings you should count the number of Wayfarers so you can determine exactly how white the event is. If you see no Wayfarers you are either at a country music concert or you are indoors.

~ Christian Lander

I peeled the shorts off my sweating skin and stepped into the skirt. It slid up my body, resting on my waist, and I pulled the zipper up towards the lord. It didn't just fit. No, it did more than that. It melded to my body, beautifully, as if it had been cut specifically for me, to mask and smooth and elevate. I would be better in this skirt. The dream was happening! I had the all-knowing smile, my hair was suddenly more luxurious, I felt thinner, more acceptable. Girls who had been mean to me in high school would see me in this skirt and think, Is that Scaachi? and I'd say, YOU BET IT IS, YOU DUMB BITCH and then punch all their boyfriends in the teeth. (I have not thought this fantasy through; just let me have this.)

~ Scaachi Koul

Wear the Spanx. You might not want to squeeze them over your ass in the morning, but when you see that mac and cheese at lunch (do it, you beautiful monster) you'll be glad there're there, doing the lord's work.

~ Anna Kendrick

This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?It's a walking stick, I'll have you know.Same difference.Hardly. It's fashion.

~ Danika Stone

I am still not used to being the possessor of such a grand title. I believe I shall have to start wearing a purple satin turban and carrying a lorgnette.

~ Mary Balogh

The bedlamite little hats in which American women have tried to out-lunatic each other for the past four years prove conclusively we don't dress to please anyone. We're just docile sheep who accept what's given us.

~ Beatrice Fairfax

If you cannot walk more than a block in your shoes, they are not shoes; they are pretty sculptures that you happen to have attached to your feet. You could hang them from your wrists for all the good they are doing you in terms of locomotion. Better to put them on a shelf and admire them from afar.

~ Linda Przybyszewski

I do wish this time you'd try to dress better while you're home. Folks in town get the wrong impression of you. They think you are--ah--slumming.

~ Harper Lee

I don't believe in wearing track pants unless you are in an actual athletic situation.

~ Carrie Mesrobian

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?

~ Madi Brown

Peter eyes his swanky and incredibly dated jacket and fluffs the frills on his sleeves. Outside the window stands a guy in a tattered grey hoodie and cut-offs that slide down to his hips, thus exposing the plaid glory of his boxers. “Damn pity. If I'd known what crimes I'd be exposed to under the guise of fashion, I may have very well stayed dead.

~ Diane Rinella

The outer garments of to-day will become the under-clothes of some destined to-morrow, and centuries hence a man found walking on the public highways dressed as you are will be arrested by the police for shocking the sense of propriety of the community, and so on. It will go on and on until you will find human beings everywhere decked out in layer after layer of clothes until he or she has lost all semblance to that beautiful thing that an all-wise Providence has designed us to be.

~ John Kendrick Bangs

My motto for fashion: If you can’t afford to make an elegant statement, make a ridiculous one.

~ Stacey Jay

That civet-jasmine blend you're wearing tonight absolutely clashes with the third-level formal style of your dress, you know.

~ Lois Mcmaster Bujold

The English play hockey in any weather. Thunder, lightening, plague of locusts...nothing can stop the hockey. Do not fight the hockey, for the hockey will win.

~ Maureen Johnson

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

~ Terry Pratchett

Sopping, and with no sign of stopping, either- then a breather. Warm again, storm again- what is the norm, again? It's fine, it's not, it's suddenly hot: Boom, crash, lightning flash!

~ Old Farmer's Almanac

When people try to rain on your parade,...pee on theirs

~ Josh Stern

Are you telling me Kara Orris is afraid of rain?” Hunter’s grin twisted into a smirk as his eyes lit up, relishing his new discovery with absolute delight. “Why, that’s adorable!

~ Katherine Mcintyre

It was pretty miserable wretches that minded at all whether they were wet or dry. He could not understand why such people had been born. It's nothing but damned eccentricity to want to be dry he would say. I've been wet more than half my life and never been a whit the worse for it.

~ Halldór Laxness