Humor Quotes

Frederick left the young couple gazing into each other’s eyes. Revolting, the way otherwise sensible people could carry on, he decided. Something to do with being married, no doubt. Perhaps it damaged the brain.

~ Caroline Stevermer

The dog growled again, long and ferocious. The hair on my neck tingled.And just when I knew he would attack, a horrible scream split the air, and Darlene passed out and fell over on her side.

~ Carol Petrie

Kids are baby goats. They're cute and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids.

~ Rick Riordan

I was banished,” said Reven proudly.“What for?” Elfwyn pressed.“The king said I was anathema.”“He doesn’t like athemas?”“Anathema means, like, accursed,” said Jinx. “Probably it was for robbing people.

~ Sage Blackwood

Lollipop had been her nickname for me as long as I could remember. I asked her how she came up with the name, and she told me sometimes kids are sweet, and sometimes they just need a good lickin'.

~ Lacey Weatherford

I love shark week, all kids swim for free

~ Josh Stern

[..] when we get down to the subatomic level, the solid world we live in also consists, again rather worryingly, of almost nothing and that wherever we do find something it turns out not to actually something, but only the probability that there may something there.

~ Douglas Adams

A mathematician may say anything he pleases, but a physicist must be at least partially sane.

~ J.williard Gibbs

This is 911 dispatch, and the nature of your emergency… fire, ambulance, police or… physics?

~ Simon Oliver

If a problem is clearly stated, it has no further interest to the physicist.

~ Peter Debye

I never saw quite so wretched an example of what a sea-faring life can do: but to a degree, I know it is the same with them all; they are all knocked about, and exposed to every climate, and every weather, till they are not fit to be seen. It is a pity they are not knocked on the head at once, before they reach Admiral Baldwin's age.

~ Jane Austen

I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa.

~ Britney Spears

There is a distressing but not uncommon condition of presidents and other world leaders known as Worrying about Africa. It is usually picked up overseas as at summit meeting on world poverty or disease, and symptoms include painful twinges of guilt over the discrepancy between First and Third World wealth, uncomfortable feelings somewhere below the stomach that perhaps unfettered capitalism is not the benevolent force for good we are constantly assured it is, and frequent attacks of calling for Something to Be Done. The best remedy is invariably a stiff dose of domestic crisis.

~ Nicholas Drayson

If more Africans had eaten missionaries, the continent would be in better shape.

~ Maya Angelou

Bloody ashes, woman. This isn't a metaphor for anything! It's just boots.

~ Robert Jordan

Want wisdom? Laugh at yourself.

~ Maggie Bishop

When you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain...

~ Wayne J. Keeley

I gave three quiet cheers for Minnesota. In Seattle a dusty inch of anything white and chilly means the city lapses into full-on panic mode, as if each falling flake crashes to earth with its own individual baggie of used hypodermic needles. It’s ridiculous.

~ Cherie Priest

I'm going to make it a law that the correct way to address your sovereign is my giving a high five.' Kai's smiled brightened. 'That's genius. Me too.

~ Marissa Meyer

As a kid, snow served the useful purpose of closing schools. As an adult—it shuts down any activity a decent, suntanned person over the age of thirty-five enjoys. I don’t do snow forts, snowballs, snow angels, snowmen, snowmobiles, or snowshoes. I don’t like to walk in it, drive in it, ski on it, or sled on it. Other than that, snow is just ducky.

~ Michael Holbrook

She deigned to asked me how ice queens reproduce. I grinned, and her mother looked horrified.“We procreate by way of ice cubes, of course. We put them in our nests and let them incubate for the period of about four months, and when the temperature is right, we put them out to roost and let them flake off into billions of snowflakes, rather like tadpoles breaking in droves from their eggs. And that, child,” I said, with a simulacrum of glee, “is how winter is born.”“Does it hurt?”“No more than the approach of Monday does to most of the world. It is a natural process, you understand, but it is dreadful hard work.

~ Michelle Franklin

I love winter. The bugs are dead, and the people are indoors.

~ Dennis Ruane

Groundhog found fog. New snows and blue toes. Fine and dandy for Valentine candy. Snow spittin'; if you're not mitten-smitten, you'll be frostbitten! By jing-y feels spring-y.

~ Old Farmer's Almanac

Wintry it ain't- no complaints! Snowier: Storefronts are showier, light displays glowier. Shoppers are prowling, blizzard howling! Drifts a-heaping, lords a-leaping, Yule logs burning, gifts returning. Winds are keen for 2015!

~ The Old Farmer's Alamanac

At my place I can really tell when winter has come.. It's when sunlight is pathetically crawling in my courtyard, incapable of reaching my window anymore.

~ Boulet

In winter this town is freezing. You step out your door in the morning and the whole place looks like one of those nature specials in which a guy brings a camcorder to the North Pole and then the camera cuts out and you hear on the news that he got eaten by a bear

~ Flynn Meaney

Lady, I was gonna cut you some slack, 'cause you're a major mythological figure...but now you've just gone nuts!

~ Mike Mignola

Hi, this is Ganymede, cup-bearer to Zeus, and when I'm out buying wine for the Lord of the Skies, I always buckle up!

~ Rick Riordan

Even Cronus, the Titan who literally had his kids for breakfast, would find these facts hard to swallow.

~ Tai

Pegasus's dad was poseidon, the god of the sea, and his mom was Medusa, and evil Gorgon who had fangs and lizard skin and living snakes for hair. And you thought your family was weird.

~ Evan Kuhlman

This coming from the god who zinged Guinevere and Lancelot while King Arthur was away slaying dragons.

~ Tai

Instantly, the pair fell to groping one other as if each had puff the magic dragon at a rock concert in Woodstock.

~ Tai

Humor is the touchstone of the truly mythological as distinct from the more literal-minded and sentimental theological mood.

~ Joseph Campbell

Excercise is nothing more than a depressing reminder that one is not a god.

~ Rick Riordan

Have I cheated death again? Hades must be allergic to me.

~ Amanda Bouchet

I sort of fell.Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?

~ Rick Riordan

Some legends say that Hera's breast milk sprayed across the sky and created the Milky Way. I don't know. That seems like a whole lot of solar systems from just one squirt

~ Rick Riordan

Why are you singing?” Daniel asked. “You’re just lying in the dirt and singing. That’s weird. I thought you were supposed to be some kind of scary monster.

~ Amanda Hocking

Behold, my children! she said. The instrument of my revenge. I will call it a scythe!The Titans muttered among themselves: What is that for? Why is it curved? How do you spell scythe?

~ Rick Riordan

Helios thought he looked pretty hot, and he had an annoying habit of calling the sun his chick magnet.

~ Rick Riordan