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Humor quote from classy quote

In Gym, the kids on my team learned not to pass me the ball and to step quickly in front of me if the other team tried to take advantage of my weakness. I happily stayed out of their way.

~ Stephenie Meyer

Stephenie Meyer Gym Class Humor Sports

Discouraged?As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-baseline, I asked one of the boys what the score was.We’re behind 14 to nothing,” he answered with a smile.“Really,” I said. “I have to say you don’t look very discouraged.”“Discouraged?” the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. “Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet.

~ Jack Canfield

Jack Canfield Humor Motivational Sports

He snuffles. Oh, no.He's not going to cry, is he? Because even though it's sweet when guys cry, I am so not prepared for this.Girl scouts didn't teach me what to do with emotionally unstable drunk boys.

~ Stephanie Perkins

Stephanie Perkins Boys Crying Drunk Girl Scuts Humor

He placed his hand on Willem's arm. 'Willem, don't cry.''I'm not going to,' he said. 'I can do other things in life besides cry, you know,' although he was no longer sure that was even true.

~ Hanya Yanagihara

Hanya Yanagihara A Little Life Cry Crying Dialogue Emotional Hanya Yanagihara Humor

Enjoy life, even in the most chaotic, hectic moments. Take time to breathe. Take time to consider what is important versus what is rubbish. Those are the times where slowing down is healthiest. Those are the times where it really counts. And, if you come across an impossible situation, crying will not help. Open your mouth, but instead of sobs and wails, give out a little chuckle. It’ll make all the difference in your attitude and therefore, in your situation.

~ Leigh Hershkovich

Leigh Hershkovich Crying Enjoyment Happiness Humor Life Sobbing

Why do I seem to have this effect on women? They're around me and they cry.

~ Tracy Guzeman

Tracy Guzeman Crying Humor Women

My feelings for you run very deep. - LoorNot deep enought, I guess. - Bobby (The Rivers of Zadaa)

~ D.j. Machale

D.j. Machale Disappointment Humor

What New England is, is a state of mind, a place where dry humor and perpetual disappointment blend to produce an ironic pessimism that folks from away find most perplexing

~ Willem Lange

Willem Lange Disappointment Dry Humor Humor New England Perplexing Pessimism Wry

So this was where lust was satisfied. If I'd been an old-time miner I'd have asked for my gold nugget back.

~ Ava Gardner

Ava Gardner Ava Gardner Brothels Disappointment Humor

Waking up, for many people, is apparently a positive experience. There are twittering birds and the smell of fresh coffee fills the air.These people do not live at my house.

~ Amy Petrie Shaw

Amy Petrie Shaw Coffee Disappointment Humor Mornings

Disappointments are often my greatest motivation.

~ Katie Kiesler

Katie Kiesler Disappointment Humor Inspiration Life

And I may not omit here a special work of God's providence. There was a proud and very profane young man [aboard the Mayflower], one of the seamen, of a lusty, able body, which made him the more haughty; he would always be contemning the poor people in their [sea]sickness, and cursing them daily with grievous execrations, and did not let to tell them, that he hoped to help cast half of them overboard before they came to their journey's end, and to make merry with what they had; and if he were by any gently reproved, he would curse and swear most bitterly.But it pleased God before they came half seas over, to smite this young man with a grievous disease, of which he died in a desperate manner, and so was himself the first that was thrown overboard. Thus his curses light on his own head; and it was an astonishment to all his fellows, for they noted it to be the just hand of God upon him.

~ William Bradford

William Bradford Humor Hypocrisy Pilgrims Vengeance

Hypocrisy/hi pakrise/ noun1. The moment you tell someone it is not important to be right, in order to look right to everyone else.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Shannon L. Alder Bickering Ending Fights Fake Fake Christians Games Get Real Hidden Agendas Humor Hypocrisy Insecure Women Insecurity Jealous Women Low Self Esteem Stalking Women

I don't like that guy. He calls the cops for everything.

~ Jōji Tsubota

Jōji Tsubota Authority Humor Hypocrisy

People who say, 'Let the chips fall where they may,' usually figure they will not be hit by a chip.

~ Bernard Williams

Bernard Williams Humor Hypocrisy

All right gentlemen, we have a job to do. At approximately 01:30 tonight, three children made an escape. Our job is to find them and bring them back. Every minute the factory is down, I lose two thousand, seven hundred and thirty-eight dollars and forty-seven cents. Therefore, we must find them and find them fast. They were last seen heading south by southwest in three makeshift kites. We'll head in that direction, fanning out and using our heat sensors to track them. Any questions? Tubaface raised his hand. Yes?Where do babies come from?That question is wholly innapropriate to our present situation. Someone slap him.

~ Seán Cullen

Seán Cullen Humor Questions

Perhaps they are singing songs to you,' he said, 'and I just think they’re asking me questions.' He paused again. Sometimes he would pause for days, just to see what it was like.

~ Douglas Adams

Douglas Adams Humor Pause Questions Songs

Hermes smiled. I knew a boy once ... oh, younger than you by far. A mere baby, re

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Apollo George Hermes Humor Martha Moral Percy Jackson Rats

Question (from a reader) : Will the Wise Goddess Athena overthrow Zeus and become the ruler of Olympus?Athena's answer : What an interesting idea . . . No, just kidding, Dad. Put away the lightning bolt.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

Tyson was still staring at Chiron in amazement. He whimpered like he wanted to pat Chiron's flank but was afraid to come closer. Pony?

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

Street performances?A little singing. A little martial arts. Some interpretive dance.Wow.I know! The Portuguese have taste.

~ Nico And Gleeson Hedge

Nico And Gleeson Hedge Blood Of Olympus Humor Percy Jackson Performance

We heard the army before we saw it.The noise was like a cannon barrage combined with a football stadium crowd- like every Patriots fan in New England was charging us with bazookas.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

Seriously, who curses you with their dying breath and says, I hope your eye twitches!

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Curses Dying Breath Humor Percy Jackson

The only strange thing about Jackson was the tattoo on the inside of his forearm - a trident as dark as seared wood, with a single line underneath and the letters

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Magnus Chase Percy Jackson

I know what you're gonna think, what you're gonna ask. Percy Jackson, why are you hanging from a Times Square billboard without your pants on, about to fall to your death?

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson Singer Of Apollo

Percy!’ Annabeth scolded. ‘You just opened another Monster Doughnut shop somewhere!

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Doughnuts Funny Humor Percy Jackson

We went about our usual routines - combat practice, volleyball practice, archery practice, strawberry-picking practice (don't ask), lava-wall-climbing practice ... You'll find we practice a lot here.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

He turned to Harley, the oddly muscular eight-year-old son of Hephaestus. Want to come with? I might need help with the projector.A projectile! Yes! Harley pumped his

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

Nosoi?” Percy planted his feet in a fighting stance. “You know, I keep thinking, I have now killed every single thing in Greek mythology. But the list never seems to end.”“You haven’t killed me yet,” I noted.“Don’t tempt me.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Apollo Fighting Greek Mythology Humor Percy Jackson

You’re gonna be like Aquaman?” she asked. “Get the fish to fight for you?”“Thanks,” Percy said. “I haven’t heard enough Aquaman jokes for one lifetime.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Aquaman Humor Meg Mccaffrey Percy Jackson

You do understand that I must find a way to return to Olympus,” I said. “This will probably involve many harrowing trials with a high chance of death. Can you turn down such glory?”“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can. Sorry.”I pursed my lips. It always disappointed me when mortals put themselves first and failed to see the big picture—the importance of putting me first—but I had to remind myself that this young man had helped me out on many previous occasions

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Apollo Favors Humor Importance Percy Jackson

Percy's thoughts: I don't recommend shadow travel if your scared of:A) The darkB) Cold shivers up your spineC) Strange noisesD) Going so fast you feel like your is peeling offIn other words I thought it was awesome

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

Nico: With great power, comes the great need to take a nap.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

Percy: You just hit the lord of the titans with a blue plastic hairbrush.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

New lesson class... most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword.this change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you RIGHT NOW if you don't BACK OFF!.... CLASS DISMISSED!

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

Where's the dam water fountain I'm thirsty?

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson

hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Hermes Heroes Of Olympus Humor Percabeth Percy Jackson Rick Riordan

I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing...

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson Plumbing

Artemis grit her teeth. I need a favor. I have some hunting to do, alone. I need you to take my companions to Camp Half-Blood. Sure Sis! then he raised his hands in a stop everything gesture. I feel a haiku comIng on. The Hunters all groaned. Apparently they'd met Apollo before. He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatically. Green grass breaks through snow.Artemis pleads for my help. I am so awesome.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Apollo Artemis Funny Humor Percy Jackson

Percy: Dad-Poseidon: Very well! It shall be as you say. But my son, pray this works.Percy: I'm praying, I'm talking to you, right?Poseidon: Oh...yes. Good point.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Percy Jackson Poseidon
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