Humor Quotes

You'd think getting chopped into a million pieces and cast into the darkest part of the Underworld would give him a subtle clue that nobody wanted him around.

~ Rick Riordan

The good thing is Jason and I both outrank you so we can both tell you to shut up.

~ Rick Riordan

Percy says be talked to a Nereid in Charleston Harbor!”“Good for him!” Leo yelled back. “The Nereid said we should seek help from Chiron’s brothers.”“What does that mean? The Party Ponies?” Leo had never met Chiron’s crazy centaur relatives, but he’d heard rumors of Nerf sword-fights, root beer-chugging contests, and Super Soakers filled with pressurized whipped cream. “Not sure,” Annabeth said. “But I’ve got coordinates. Can you input latitude and longitude in this thi

~ Rick Riordan

I’m nobody’s sidekick,” Annabeth growled. “And, Percy, his accent sounds familiar because he sounds like his mother. We killed her in New Jersey.”Percy frowned. “I’m pretty sure that accent isn’t New Jersey. Who’s his—? Oh.”It all fell into place. Aunty Em’s Garden Gnome Emporium—the lair of Medusa. She’d talked with that same accent, at least until Percy had cut off her

~ Rick Riordan

She led him past the engine room, which looked like a very dangerous, mechanized jungle gym, with pipes and pistons and tubes jutting from a central bronze sphere. Cables resembling giant metal noodles snaked across the floor and ran up the walls. “How does that thing even work?” Percy asked. “No idea,” Annabeth said. “And I’m the only one besides Leo who can operate it.”“That’s reassuring.”“It should be fine. It’s only threatened to blow up once.”“You’re kidding, I hope.”She smiled. “Come on.

~ Rick Riordan

Percy looked at Coach Hedge and Frank. “A trap?”“Probably,” Frank said. “She’s not mortal,” Hedge said, sniffing the air. “Probably some kind of goat-eating, demigod-destroying fiend from Tartarus.”“No doubt,” Percy agreed. “Awesome.” Hedge grinned. “Let’s go.

~ Rick Riordan

As for learning to wear high heels, no need to worry. I've got no tolerance for those dreadful things. If God wanted us girls tottering around like a bunch of drunken sailors, we'd have been born wearing stilts!

~ Jenny Lundquist

I have certainly heard of the Subtle Art of Shutting Up, but I can't say I've practiced it all that much. I greatly prefer the underappreciated genius of Speaking My Mind. I figure if someone doesn't like what I have to say, they shouldn't put their ears in close proximity to my mouth.

~ Jenny Lundquist

What's all this nonsense about odd vision and not fitting in? There are plenty worse things in this world than not fitting in--like fitting in way too much. You strike me as a real original, Izzy Malone, in a world that loves carbon copies. If you think you beautified something, I believe you. I've never understood why folks love safe, neutral colors so much. Colors are what make this world worth living in.

~ Jenny Lundquist

Sometimes I think teachers like Ms. Harmer view creativity as something dirty and slightly embarrassing, and would prefer to turn kids into people who color inside the lines.Generally speaking, I don't care much for lines.

~ Jenny Lundquist

P.S. Please don't call me Isabella. That name belongs to a really pretty girl who never wrecks her clothes and who never gets dirt under her fingernails. That's definitely not me. My name is Izzy.

~ Jenny Lundquist

Words are a weapon, and rotten kids like Tyler Jones get a free pass when it comes to using them because the marks they leave are invisible. Why don't more adults realize that?

~ Jenny Lundquist

Turns out, most girls would rather put on lip gloss than play with sand toads.

~ Jenny Lundquist

The bracelet and the first charm appeared the day I punched Austin Jackson in the nose. I didn't mean to slug him. His face just got in my way. It was a bruising end to a disastrous first month in middle school.

~ Jenny Lundquist

Before my mom decided she was a lesbian, I thought lesbians were all these really nice, earthy, crunchy, let's smother you with our twenty extra pounds of lady love and fight the power people.

~ Alison Umminger

Snakes don't have fuckin' legs, so how was I supposed to think there'd be one hidin' in the face of a damn rock that's ten feet below the summit?

~ Simone Elkeles

I kind of thought actually that Trevor was gone completely mental when he called up here a few weeks ago. Like, why would he not text or email or Facebook? What's with all the reality, I thought. Does he not know he's a million times cooler in virtual form?

~ Donal Ryan

When Grant Blue reaches me, he bends his head down close enough that I can smell the soap and promise on his skin. Clean living and popularity—It’s quite the aftershave, let me tell you. If I’m being honest, the fact that he even has to bend to talk to me is making me want to swoon a little. ...But just a little.

~ Isobel Irons

For God's sake, don't let her watch Cinderella. What kind of example is that? A mindless twit who can't even remember where she left her damn shoe, so she has to wait for some douchebag in tights to bring it to her? Give me a frigging break!

~ Hafiz

A day without someone to hold you or a day without someone to share, is a day easily forgotten.’ - Vera Richardson in Mr Alhourani's Dead Man's Spots

~ D.m. Lee

I'm the most famous person, problem is people don't know it yet…

~ Kevin Focke

Whether it was by someone volunteering to be an extra in our show, or part of the crew, or someone buying a DVD at a convention, or a superfan who tattooed our characters' faces on her calf, my career has been built fan by fan. I wouldn't trade that relationship, or collection of dolls of myself, for all the money and fame in the world.

~ Felicia Day

Nothing in life was ever clearly drawn, obviously just, or totally emotionally satisfying, but the moment-to-moment stuff of reality featured infinitely more complication, sleaze, struggle, true beauty, unfairness, profundity, passion, and depth of consciousness than she, in her frantic struggle to be somebody other than her unspectacular self, had been previously aware of. page 302

~ Cintra Wilson

[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.

~ Jon Stewart

Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you,” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips.

~ Abigail Roux

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

~ Kin Hubbard

Auntie Yang is not hard of hearing. She is hard of listening.

~ Amy Tan

So what are you doing around here? I ask, feeling all jittery, but this time it's in a good way.Oh, I was just in the area. he says vaguely. I thought I'd take Welly for a walk... He trails off and stuffs his hands in his pockets. Those butterflies are going crazy in there.

~ Alexandra Potter

The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

~ Ellen Glasgow

Now, for the first time in my life, I empathize 100 percent with Fluff McFly. My heart is beating at hamster-speed and I am throwing my eyes around the room, looking for some way out.

~ Robin Sloan

Look what pressure(cooker) does to Rice. It makes the hard and tough rice go soft.

~ Gaurav Rao

I don’t think you’re going to start a riot, but until you prove you have more survival instincts than a seriously stressed out lemming, you’ll stay at the bar.

~ Kim Dare

No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.

~ Mindy Kaling

Our whole family thrives under pressure. It's like our family motto or something.Apart from my brother Peter, of course. He had a nervous break down. But the rest of us.

~ Sophie Kinsella

You do realize that if anything happens to you, my son will be devastated?”Ella’s throat closed. She really didn’t want to think about James, not when he was in so much danger. She nodded. “I know.”“Then make sure nothing happens to you. This Kingdom needs a Queen who can show these men we’re not all delicate little flowers.

~ Michelle Smart

Compromise is low class. I don't have anything against the poor, but being low class is the root of all evil

~ Novala Takemoto

My behavior last night was poor.Poor? Agatha coughed. You pushed me through a window!

~ Soman Chainani

They stole from rich merchants and temples and kings. They didn't steal from poor people; this was not because there was anything virtuous about poor people, it was simply because poor people had no money.

~ Terry Pratchett

A rich person is just a poor person with a crown and elaborate clothing, and a poor person is just a rich person with a crownless head and ragged clothing.

~ Zanjabil

You know it’s the 21st Century when someone TEXTS you from the washroom to ask you to bring them a roll of toilet paper.

~ Tanya Masse