Irony Quotes

Most people willingly deceive themselves with a doubly false faith; they believe in eternal memory (of men, things, deeds, peoples) and in rectification (of deeds, errors, sins, injustice). Both are sham. The truth lies at the opposite end of the scale: everything will be forgotten and nothing will be rectified. All rectification (both vengeance and forgiveness) will be taken over by oblivion.

~ Milan Kundera

I’m not sure how people drink out of skulls,” Jinx added. Calvin had too many holes in him to make a good cup.

~ Sage Blackwood

You're worse than decent. You're virtuous.

~ Eugene O'neill

I still couldn't imagine that she was really, truly pregnant; maybe this was an hysterical pregnancy. But Sarah was never hysterical. Enthusiastic, yes, ironic on occasion. I couldn't imagine a doctor saying, No, it's just an ironic pregnancy.

~ James Lileks

The blessing of the omnivore is that he can eat a great many different things in nature. The curse of the omnivore is that when it comes to figuring out which of those things are safe to eat, he's pretty much on his own.

~ Michael Pollan

You cut life to pieces with your epigrams.

~ Oscar Wilde

Good judgment comes by way of experience, which comes of bad judgment.

~ Wolf Pascoe

Users are a double-edged sword. They can help you improve your language, but they can also deter you from improving. So choose your users carefully, and be slow to grow their number. Having users is like optimization: the wise course is to delay it.

~ Paul Graham

He led them around the base of a great fallen tree whose exposed roots resembled more than anything else a huge broom - a broom that would have fired the imagination of Rachel the Dragon toward heroic, legendary feats of sweeping.

~ Tad Williams

A gurgling chuckle came from behind him; Jonas had heard it often enough to know that it signified something as close to laughter as the creature ever got. “Yet you believe those things won’t come if you serve your Lord? You know what they say about the road to Hell, Judas.

~ Kaine Andrews

It wasn't long after the discovery of modern anesthesia that people began to die of it.

~ Wolf Pascoe

Mundane, boring stories--not interesting ones--are the ideal in an operating room.

~ Wolf Pascoe

War pacifies itself.

~ Christopher Dutton

Laughter and irony are at heart reminders that we are not prisoners in this world, but voyagers through it.

~ Eben Alexander

Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!

~ Courtney Milan

He sure put things into words good.

~ S.e. Hinton

Sometimes, the embers are better then the campfire. It's strange, but it's true.

~ Stephen King

If I had a reader and he had read all I have written so far of my adventures, there would be certainly no need to inform him that I am not created for any sort of society. The trouble is I don't know how to behave in company. If I go anywhere among a great many people I always have a feeling as though I were being electrified by so many eyes looking at me. It positively makes me shrivel up, physically shrivel up, even in such places as the theatre, to say nothing of private houses. I did not know how to behave with dignity in these gambling saloons and assemblies; I either was still, inwardly upbraiding myself for my excessive mildness and politeness, or I suddenly got up and did something rude. And meanwhile all sorts of worthless fellows far inferior to me knew how to behave with wonderful aplomb-- and that's what really exasperated me above everything, so that I lost my self-possession more and more. I may say frankly, even at that time, if the truth is to be told, the society there, and even winning money at cards, had become revolting and a torture to me. Positively a torture. I did, of course, derive acute enjoyment from it, but this enjoyment was at the cost of torture.

~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Yup, believe it: I was born on March 28, yet my name is April.

~ Sarah Mlynowski

How strange it was to think that he, who such a short time ago dared not believe in the happiness of her loving him, now felt unhappy because she loved him too much!

~ Leo Tolstoy

I was just chased through St. Willibald’s, and you know why? Because I was kind to a quig. I scrupulously hide every legitimate reason for people to hate me, and then it turns out they don’t need legitimate reasons. Heaven has fashioned a knife of irony to stab me with.

~ Rachel Hartman

I hope you nail the basta

~ Nenia Campbell

I am not going to give you disclaimers about what you can expect to find in my story. I went through menopause recently and find I don't much care about anyone's sensibilities anymore. I am called BadSquirrel for a reason. Considering how incredibly rude and grouchy I have become, I expect all of you to be extremely grateful to the QMBG (Queen Mother Bitch Goddess for those of you who haven't kept up) for all of the good warm fuzzy bits of my story. If you like it, it's because she went through it and took out all the really disturbing parts and made me behave.

~ Badsquirrel

I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.

~ Charles Dickens

Once you hold the hand of Death, the only thing in life that can scare you is a sense of humor.

~ Lionel Suggs

Anyway, if the Cetagandans really wanted to assassinate you, they'd hardly do it here. They'd slip something subtle under your skin that wouldn't go off for six months, and then would drop you mysteriously and untraceably in your tracks

~ Lois Mcmaster Bujold

She had hit rock-bottom. She had given a blow job to a man who for all intents and purposes, was a bum. He had smelled so bad, she forced him to spray on some of the perfume she always carried in her purse. Her favorite perfume. After tonight, she was quitting. Yeah, she’d have to go back home with her two kids, grovel to her mama and work a dead-end job, but anything was better than getting down on your knees to give a guy as disgusting as Lenny a one-off.

~ A.t. Hicks

Don't we all hope to die with a smile on our faces?

~ Jeff O'brien

I'm not saying you're weak, but you brawl like a couple of girls having a pillow fight.

~ Andrew Sturm

Story Content Warning: There will be angst, sex, a little rough language and rampant lesbianism. If this is not your cup of tea, don't drink it. If you are not old enough to read this, you will be soon. It might be in your best interest to wait until you are older. If you live in a place where this is not legal... why are you still living there? Maybe it's time for you to move on.

~ Badsquirrel

I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.

~ Mindy Kaling

Do you see the irony at all, Tristan?’ I stare at him and shake my head. He seems determined not to speak again until I do. ‘What irony?’ I ask eventually, the words tumbling out in a hurried heap. ‘That I am to be shot as a coward while you get to live as one.

~ John Boyne

A united front announcing a split.

~ Sarah Dessen

The Cinderella story in reverse. I only wish there were ashes in the fireplace so I could order you to sweep them out.

~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If the empire had been afflicted by any recent calamity, by a plague, a famine, or an unsuccessful war; if the Tiber had, or if the Nile had not, risen beyond its banks; if the earth had shaken, or if the temperate order of the seasons had been interrupted, the superstitious Pagans were convinced that the crimes and the impiety of the Christians, who were spared by the excessive lenity of the government, had at length provoked the divine justice.

~ Edward Gibbon

My momma always said, 'You and Elvis are pretty good, but y'all ain't no Chuck Berry.

~ Jerry Lee Lewis

The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.

~ Amy Goldman Koss

Irony is about contradictions that do not resolve into larger wholes, even dialectically, about the tension of holding incompatible things together because both or all are necessary and true. Irony is about humour and serious play. It is also a rhetorical strategy and a political method, one I would like to see more honoured within socialist-feminism.

~ Donna J. Haraway

Seven pillars of wisdom propping the roof of the temple. Always remember what there's beyond the pillars.

~ Lara Biyuts

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches.

~ Antonin Scalia