Sarcasm Quotes

We were in such good moods, we even decided to hit Todd's house for candy. Sam rang the doorbell, and when it opened, this hideous, rubber monster face roared at us. Sam screamed. Todd started laughing and took off the mask. I yelled, Put it back on! Put it back on! Your hideousness is terrifying!Todd did a fake yuk-yuk-yuk at my joke. What are you guys supposed to be? Is it Prom Night Massacre or something?Sam sighed at Todd's obvious stupidity. We're zombie princesses, Todd. Can't you tell? She stuck her arms straight out in front of her and said, BRAINS! BRAINS!I patted Sam on the head and said, Sorry, Sam. You're wasting your time with this one.

~ Kristin Walker

I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered.What! How long has it been?Five minutes. I got bored.

~ Jonathan Stroud

YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter.

~ Michele Jaffe

Just remember that you're on my list, Marcone. Soon as I get done with all the other evils in this town, you won't be the lesser of them anymore.Marcone stared at me with half-lidded eyes and said, Eek.

~ Jim Butcher

Minho snickered and leaned back in his chair. “Man, you are one butt-load of sunshine, let me tell you.

~ James Dashner

You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all.

~ John Flanagan

Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can't even finish my second apple pie.

~ Banksy

Could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party.

~ Kristin Cashore

Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. “Let’s hurry up and pay before she”-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-“sees something shiny and we lose her again.

~ Kimberly Derting

Is this the girl?” Kieran’s voice was very different: It sounded like waves sliding up the shore. Like warm water under pale light. It was seductive, with an edge of cold. He looked at Emma as if she were a new kind of flower, one he wasn’t sure he liked. “She’s pretty,” he said. “I didn’t think she’d be pretty. You didn’t mention it.”Iarlath shrugged. “You’ve always been partial to blondes,” he said.“Okay, seriously?” Emma snapped her fingers. “I am right here. And I was not aware I was being invited to a game of ‘Who’s the Hottest?'I wasn’t aware you were invited at all,” said Kieran. His speech had a casual edge, as if he was used to talking to humans.“Rude,” said Emma.

~ Cassandra Clare

Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.

~ Richelle Mead

He just waited until I stopped talking and said, 'Jesus, kid, you're almost a detective. All you need now is a gun, a gut, and three ex-wives. So what's your theory?

~ John Green

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

~ Jerome K. Jerome

So this was the rest of his life. It felt like a party to which he'd been invited, but at an address he couldn't actually locate. Someone must be having fun at it, this life of his; only, right at the moment, it wasn't him.

~ Margaret Atwood

The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. “I’ve never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he’s just ruined,” he said sourly.

~ Lisa Kleypas

Discord says it's a good idea. That's comforting.

~ Melissa Marr

Never mumble some sarcastic shit to somebody who can obviously fuck you up.

~ Ice-T

A psycho murderer who lubed. How considerate.

~ Jordan Castillo Price

While Daniel disappeared into his room, probably to limn the contours of some exquisite constellation of philosophical nonsense for his internship applications and gasp in the throes of his overachieving OCDness.

~ Michelle Hodkin

Maybe,” he said in a slow, rural drawl, “you could explain to me why I found you in the middle of an orgy.” “Well,” I said, “if you’re going to be in an orgy, the middle is the best spot, isn’t it.

~ Jim Butcher

I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me.

~ Daniel O'malley

His voice, the very sound of rolling eyes.

~ Thomas Mullen

Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of … piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she’s ripe?

~ Tessa Dare

I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.

~ Maureen Johnson

... As could the sarcasm in her voice. yes, she's bleeding to deat Lu upstairs, but i thought I'd avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out.

~ Cassandra Clare

I thought you were a drunk.A drunk?Bloodshot eyes, dirty clothes, getting home in the wee hours of the morning, making a lot ofnoise, grouchy all the time as if you had a hangover… what else was I to think?He rubbed his face. Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have showered, shaved, and dressed in asuit before I came out to tell you that you were making enough noise to raise the dead.

~ Linda Howard

It's Thursday afternoon, and we have sports. These are the choices for the girls: watching an invitational cricket game; studying in one of the classrooms; or watching the senior rugby league. As you can imagine, I'm torn.

~ Melina Marchetta

And here I was thinking you were a bit slow, what with so much asking and not knowing anything.

~ Carlos Ruiz Zafón

My mind reels with sarcastic replies!

~ Charles M. Schulz

If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space.

~ Jennifer Crusie

The Amulet of Samarkand. It was Simon Lovelace's. Now it is yours. Soon it will be Simon Lovelace's again. Take it and enjoy the consequences.

~ Jonathan Stroud

If you wish, I shall go personally to your City and knock together the heads of Perlith and Galooney.

~ Robin Mckinley

Independence is earned by a few words of cheap confidence

~ Albert Camus

You’d really give up your big, swanky apartment?”“If you don’t want to move in there with me, yes.”“But you love your apartment.”“I love you more, dumb ass.

~ Suzanne Wright

Don't sound so grumpy. Next thing you know you'll be whinning and giving me puppy dog eyes.

~ Dana Marie Bell

Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism? There are boy bands with more original material.

~ John Green

Fine, it’s decided.” Vain resumed his stride. “I’ll do all the killing, and you doall the stuff that an Avun-Riah does. Whatever the hell that is.

~ Luke Romyn

Here she is,” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.”“Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.

~ Derek Landy

When Rose takes to screaming, she starts loud, continues loud, and ends loud. Rose has a very good ear and always screams on the same note. I'd tested her before I burnt the library, and our piano along with it.Rose screams on the note B flat.We don't need a piano anymore now that we have a human tuning fork.

~ Franny Billingsley

Am dining at Goldini's Restaurant, Gloucester Road, Kensington. Please come at once and join me there. Bring with you a jemmy, a dark lantern, a chisel, and a revolver. S. H. It was a nice equipment for a respectable citizen to carry through the dim, fog-draped streets.

~ Arthur Conan Doyle