Jennifer Crusie Quotes

Nobody in my life has ever known me the way you do. Nobody in my life has ever made me feel as good as you do. You know me, you know everything about me, and when you leave me, you're going to be leaving the real me, the me nobody else has ever seen, that's who you're going to be rejecting.

~ Jennifer Crusie

You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me.

~ Jennifer Crusie

His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Heartache often drives us to consume things we wouldn't otherwise, such as an entire pint of Caramel Pecan Perfection high-fat ice cream, covered in ganache, the crack cocaine of frozed dairy. Twelve hundred calories per pint, six hundred and eighty of which are fat calories, but is only dulls the pain for the moment, there's that carb fog while you're standing at the sink shoving it in your face, and then it's over and you feel...used. Like a cheap pickup the Dove people seduced and abandoned in your kitchen, leaving you with sticky hands and an empty cup and a still-broken heart, except now you're mad at Dove, too.

~ Jennifer Crusie

He loved her all he could, but he couldn't love her very much.

~ Jennifer Crusie

I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She wouldn’t do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end. Also people didn’t do things like that in Southern Ohio. A sawed-off shotgun, that was the ticket.

~ Jennifer Crusie

North is a powerful man, and you're still connected to him. Flo frowned. Probably sexual memory, those Capricorns are insatiable. Well, you know. Sea Goat. And of course, you're a Fish. You'll end up back in bed with him.Andie slammed the car door. You know what I'd like for Christmas, Flo? Boundaries. You can gift me early if you'd like.

~ Jennifer Crusie

When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Say, ‘Thank you, Phin.’ ”“Oh, please.”“Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. ”“I don’t think so.”“Say, ‘You are a great lover, Phin.’ ”“I’m out of here.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Of course it hurt you neanderthal! See that? Thats blood. If theres blood, theres pain. Its like smoke and fire.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Feel no guilt. Getting married and giving birth does not mean that you have sold your life away to perfectly healthy people who can get their own damn socks.

~ Jennifer Crusie

This is a woman you've known less than twelve hours. It took you a year to pick out a couch, but you're seriously—“Yes,” Roger said. “She's the one.

~ Jennifer Crusie

It's not a problem. There are people out there with much worse problems than mine.-CynthiaDoesn't make yours any more fun to bear.-LizaNo. But it does help with the self-pity.- Cynthia

~ Jennifer Crusie

You have to open up to the world and learn optimism...Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.

~ Jennifer Crusie

I'll never forget my first time with you' Min said as she edged the doughnut off her finger. 'The earth moved, and then my mother asked my father who he was going down on at lunch.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Life is more than great sex and a nice car.” “Well, yeah. But not a lot more.

~ Jennifer Crusie

No, this wasn’t just about sex, but for the next hour or so, it was going to be mostly about sex.

~ Jennifer Crusie

As far as I'm concerned the last good man went when Elvis died.

~ Jennifer Crusie

What happened to the good old days when rich white men just bought their way into office?

~ Jennifer Crusie

Everybody's crooked. The trick is to find out how they're bent.

~ Jennifer Crusie

That's a movie quote, right? You know, if you do that with books, people think you're intelligent.Sophie lowered her chin. If this is your pathetic attempt to seduce me again, you're falling miserably. I don't seduce woman. Phin shoved back his chair and stood up. They fall into my open arms.Clumsy of them.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Dempseys are never in trouble. We just have stretches of life that are more interesting than others.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Very few people mate for life with the people they fall for at twelve. Doesn't mean is isn't real, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it doesn't matter, but basically, we're talking a practice swing in the big game of love.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Don't even think abou

~ Jennifer Crusie

The first rule in life is 'everybody lies.' Remember that and you'll get a lot further.

~ Jennifer Crusie

Mitch's take on humanity had deteriorated to the point where he assumed someone was lying if her lips were moving.

~ Jennifer Crusie

If she'd just kept her mouth shut, she would have been perfect, but no...

~ Jennifer Crusie

I'm thirty-four.You don't look thirty-four.That's because I'm not married. Mae's smile felt as if it were set in concrete. Marriage tends to age a woman.

~ Jennifer Crusie

You've lived in America for twenty years. Eat badly, damn it.

~ Jennifer Crusie

He was not looking forward to breaking the law. He was straight now. He'd matured. Crime no longer excited him.What?' Ronald said.I didn't say anything.'You're breathing heavy.

~ Jennifer Crusie

One of the biggest problems this country has is that people think a law is only a law if they agree with it. And if they don't, it's all right to kick guys like Joe out of the service and bomb abortion clinics because there's a higher law at work. And that's garbage, Allie. The law is the law. If you don't like it, change it. But don't break it and then start whining when there are consequences.

~ Jennifer Crusie

He won’t say no, but who cares if he does? Do it. Hell, guys go through this every time they make a move on a woman, and none of them has died yet. In many cases, that is, of course, unfortunate, but rejection is definitely not lethal. Go get him.

~ Jennifer Crusie

[…] I have a date this afternoon. Oh, Lord. Jake closed his eyes. Who are you going to destroy now?I beg your pardon?The hotel would appreciate it if you'd just throw back the men you don't like without maiming them.I haven't maimed anyone.You almost drowned Lance, you scared Peter into heart palpitations, you stabbed Donald with a fork, and you hit Brad over the head with a bottle. Jake shook his head. And they still ask you out.

~ Jennifer Crusie

He looked like every glossy frat boy in every nerd movie ever made, like every popular town boy who’d ever looked right through her in high school, like every rotten rich kid who’d ever belonged where she hadn’t.My mama warned me about guys like you.He turned to her as if he’d heard her and took off his sunglasses, and she went down the steps to meet him, wiping her sweaty palms on her dust-smeared khaki shorts. “Hi, I’m Sophie Dempsey,” she said, flashing the Dempsey gotta-love-me grin as she held out her hot, grimy hand, and after a moment he took it.His hand was clean and cool and dry, and her heart pounded harder as she looked into his remote, gray eyes.“Hello, Sophie Dempsey,” her worst nightmare said. “Welcome to Temptation.

~ Jennifer Crusie

If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space.

~ Jennifer Crusie

First, I'm not getting married, so you can forget the wife. Second, if I was insane enough to get married, I wouldn't have kids. Third, if I was insane enough to get married and have kids, it would be a cold day in hell I'd let you babysit.

~ Jennifer Crusie

People should be more careful about what they read to their kids,” Park said. “Some of this stuff sounds dangerous.

~ Jennifer Crusie

The therapist, he thought, and it bothered him a lot more than it should have. After all, he had nothing permanent with Sophie. He just needed to touch her on a semiregular basis or he couldn't finish his sentences.

~ Jennifer Crusie

That’s not a father. That’s a sperm donor. Forget him. He’s a mess. Concentrate on me. I’m terrific. -(Linc Blaise)

~ Jennifer Crusie

Kid, I've only known you two days and I've seen you plastered three times. He shook his head. A bar would not be a good career move for you.

~ Jennifer Crusie