Wit Quotes

Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.

~ Holly Black

Erm…I don’t know maybe for kissing me and tasting so damn delicious, maybe for holding my hand in public, maybe for looking far too hot in that sexy, snug tee when you should just be looking like Jo’s little brother. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I chose the much more sophisticated reaction of scowling, hard. I would have kicked him again, but I was convinced he’d moved his legs out of the way. Coward.” ~ Ella, A Perfect Moment

~ Becca Lee

I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower selling child who asked me for twopence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me.”“A little girl robbed you?” Tessa said.“Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.

~ Cassandra Clare

When a man in a forest thinks he is going forward in a straight line, in reality he is going in a circle, I did my best to go in a circle, hoping to go in a straight line.

~ Samuel Beckett

He who laughs last laughs ... doesn't get it.

~ Brian Spellman

The difference between your crazy and my crazy is that you don't think you're crazy.

~ Steve Maraboli

My country, right or wrong,” is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, “My mother, drunk or sober.

~ G.k. Chesterton

How I define patriotism, a knife, a riffle and some hand-gernades.

~ Billy S. Vanorsdol

Who values the past lives sentimentally.Who optimizes the present grabs opportunity.Who balances time creates harmony. Who disturbs harmony leads complexity.Who solves complexity opens continuity.

~ Angelica Hopes

Victory in war is usually the result of compromising what you want and behaving like those you despise. - Tapio

~ Miles Cameron

My doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven [o'clock]. It makes me talk in my sleep.

~ Oscar Wilde

The two keys to success as a sportswriter are: 1) A blind willingness to believe anything you're told by the coaches, flacks, hustlers and other official spokesmen for the team-owners who provide the free booze ... and: 2) A Roget's Thesaurus, in order to avoid using the same verbs and adjectives twice in the same paragraph.Even a sports editor, for instance, might notice something wrong with a lead that said: The precision-jack-hammer attack of the Miami Dolphins stomped the balls off the Washington Redskins today by stomping and hammering with one precise jack-thrust after another up the middle, mixed with pinpoint-precision passes into the flat and numerous hammer-jack stomps around both ends....

~ Hunter S. Thompson

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.

~ Thomas Pynchon

Does drinking make you wittier? One might as well ask if witting makes you drinkier, which it may.

~ Benjamin Errett

A good sherris-sack hath a twofold operation in it. It ascends me into the brain, dries me there all the foolish and dull and crudy vapors which environ it, makes it apprehensive, quick, forgetive, full of nimble, fiery, and delectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to the voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes excellent wit.

~ William Shakespeare

Oh, well, that's not bad, I suppose. I mean, I'd prefer devastatingly sophisticated - but almost endearing is more than I could have hoped for under the circumstances.

~ Jane Costello

The door was flung open. Maurice Duplay filled it; energetic master, shirt- sleeves rolled up. He threw out his arms, the good Jacobin Duplay, and formed a sentence totally original, something which had never been uttered in the history of the world: “Camille, you have a son, and your wife is very well, and is asking you to be at home, right now.

~ Hilary Mantel

Never rely upon a time machine to fix your problems, as everyone knows, they're much too faulty.

~ Lily O'brien

Sometimes you have to break a rule to save the system.

~ Dean Koontz

My mind ran over everything that had happened lately, and running on such thoughts made even my feet hurt.

~ Melita Tessy

Paparazzi arrived for Hugh [Grant]. We had to stand under a tree and smile for them.Photographer: 'Hugh, could you look less -- um --'Hugh: 'Pained?

~ Emma Thompson

Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.

~ J.k. Rowling

Brevity is the soul of wit.

~ William Shakespeare

The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.

~ Oscar Wilde

Tact: the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

~ Abraham Lincoln

I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it sho

~ Blaise Pascal

On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.

~ Hunter S. Thompson

Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently

~ Sarah Maclean

Let me be clear. Last I was aware you were neither my husband nor my father nor my King. Therefore, any control you may imagine you hold over me is just that- imaginary

~ Sarah Maclean

Cheap editions of great books may be delightful, but cheap editions of great men are absolutely detestable

~ Oscar Wilde

Writing a book is like sliding down a rainbow! Marketing it is like trudging through a field of chewed bubblegum on a hot, sticky day.

~ Betty Dravis

A witty saying proves nothing.

~ Voltaire

There is a monsterous deal of stupid quizzing, & common-place nonsense talked, but scarcely any wit.

~ Jane Austen

One can have a wit, but not a witless

~ Brandon Sanderson

Yes, I'm shallow, I don't mind admitting it. Perhaps I should admit that there's no end to the depths of my shallowness.

~ Franny Billingsley

If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Once begun upon this downward path, you never know where you are to stop. Many a man has dated his ruin from some murder or other that perhaps he thought little of at the time.

~ Thomas De Quincey

Wit ought to be a glorious treat, like caviar. Never spread it about like marmalade.

~ Noël Coward

I spent the last Friday of summer vacation spreading hot, sticky tar across the roof of George Washington High. My companions were Dopey, Toothless, and Joe, the brain surgeons in charge of building maintenance. At least they were getting paid. I was working forty feet above the ground, breathing in sulfur fumes from Satan's vomitorium, for

~ Laurie Halse Anderson

He remembered having said to his uncle (with a solemn dogmatism better befitting a much younger man): Surely it is possible to love with the head as well as the heart. Mr. Delagardie had replied, somewhat drily: No doubt; so long as you do not end by thinking with your entrails instead of your brain.

~ Dorothy L. Sayers

This was a lucky recollection -- it saved her from something like regret.

~ Jane Austen