Eoin Colfer Quotes

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it.This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.

~ Eoin Colfer

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

~ Eoin Colfer

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

~ Eoin Colfer

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

~ Eoin Colfer

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

~ Eoin Colfer

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

~ Eoin Colfer

Who are you? he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.

~ Eoin Colfer

I don't like lollipops.

~ Eoin Colfer

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

~ Eoin Colfer

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.

~ Eoin Colfer

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

~ Eoin Colfer

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy.Pex was unrepentant. Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things.But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror.I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.

~ Eoin Colfer

Look! said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, Someone who cares!

~ Eoin Colfer

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

~ Eoin Colfer

Orion brightened. I have an idea.Yes? said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained.Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.

~ Eoin Colfer

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

~ Eoin Colfer

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

~ Eoin Colfer

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

~ Eoin Colfer

Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

~ Eoin Colfer

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

~ Eoin Colfer

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours, the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal tapped this into her notepad.Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?

~ Eoin Colfer

Young love is common, but that doesn't mean it's not precious.

~ Eoin Colfer

how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.

~ Eoin Colfer

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

~ Eoin Colfer

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

~ Eoin Colfer

So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney.Oh, really?O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?Very good. You should be on the stage.It's funny you should mention that.The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. I was being sarcastic, actually

~ Eoin Colfer

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

~ Eoin Colfer

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

~ Eoin Colfer

this was business.

~ Eoin Colfer

Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?”“Cheese made by dwarfs.”“Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .”“No. What a horrible thought.”“Exactly.

~ Eoin Colfer

Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch.

~ Eoin Colfer

Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts.

~ Eoin Colfer

Tonight, history was going to be made. And it wasn't the discovery-of-radium, first-man-on-the-moon happy kind of history. It was the Spanish-Inquisition, here-comes-the-Hindenburg bad kind of history.

~ Eoin Colfer

No one's ever really ready for a troll.

~ Eoin Colfer

... even one centimetre can make an awful lot of difference when you don't have many to spare.

~ Eoin Colfer

The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting.

~ Eoin Colfer

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

~ Eoin Colfer

Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

~ Eoin Colfer

Ambition had a price, and that price was friendship.

~ Eoin Colfer

Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.

~ Eoin Colfer