Funny Quotes

O Lord that bear rule, even we all are full of impiety. And for our sakes peradventure it is that the floors of the righteous are not filled, because of the sins of them that dwell upon the earth.

~ Compton Gage

Go thy way to a woman with child, and ask of her when she had fulfilled her nine months, if her womb may keep the birth any longer within her.

~ Compton Gage

In the grave the chambers of souls are like the womb of a woman: For like as a woman that travails make haste to escape the necessity of the travail: even so do these places haste to deliver those things that are committed unto them.

~ Compton Gage

From the beginning, look, what thou desires to see, it shall be shew thee.

~ Compton Gage

If I have found favor in thy sight, and if it be possible, and if I be meet therefore, shew me then whether there be more to come than is past, or more past than is to come.

~ Compton Gage

The greatest futility! says the congregator, The greatest futility! Everything is futile! What does a person gain from all his hard work- At which he toils under the sun? A generation goes and another cometh forth, but the earth remains the same.

~ Compton Gage

As thou know not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou know not the works of what makes all.

~ Compton Gage

In the morning sow thy seed, and in the evening withhold not thine hand: for thou know not whether shall prosper, either this or that, or whether they both shall be alike good.

~ Compton Gage

Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun: But if a man live many years, and rejoice in them all; yet let him remember the days of darkness; for they shall be many. And all that cometh is vanity.

~ Compton Gage

These be they that have put off the mortal clothing, and put on the immortal, and have confessed the name of God: now are they crowned, and receive palms.

~ Compton Gage

Go thy way, and tell my people, the people of thy Lord God what manner of things, and how great wonders of the Lord thy God, thou hast seen.

~ Compton Gage

And yet their reward appear not, and their labor had no fruit: for I have gone here and there through the heathen, and I see that they flow in wealth, and think not upon thy commandments.

~ Compton Gage

Weigh thou therefore their wickedness now in the balance, and theirs also that dwell the world; and so shall thy name no where be found anymore.

~ Compton Gage

When was it that they who dwell upon the earth have not sinned in thy sight? or what people have so kept thy commandments? Thou shall find that you all by name had kept thy precepts, but not the heathen.

~ Compton Gage

Thy heart had gone too far in this world, and think thou to comprehend the way of the most High?

~ Compton Gage

When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them?

~ Maya Banks

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.

~ Sarah Mayberry

If I looked like him,” Tara said. “I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.

~ Jill Shalvis

She moved to pinch me again but I blocked her hand. I'm no expert on girls, but when one tries to pinch you four times, I'm pretty sure that's flirting.

~ Ransom Riggs

What were you thinking? I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?Adrian grinned. Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists.

~ Richelle Mead

No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it.

~ Jessica Day George

No bikinis on a first date.” He nods. “I’m sure that’s a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway.

~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.

~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

I read the title from the cover. ' 'The joy of... crap.' ' I read the rest of the full title of the thick, nondescript volume to myself and felt myself redden.Noah turned over on to his side and said with mock seriousness, 'I have never read 'The Joy Of Crap'. Sounds disgusting.' I blushed deeper. 'I have, however, read 'The Joy Of Sex.' ' He continued, a smile transforming his face. 'Not in a while, but I think it's one of those classics you can come back to again... and again.

~ Michelle Hodkin

This is Sailor Supergirl,” George says. “She knows all about black holes.

~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.

~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality.

~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each other.

~ Simone Elkeles

Jase props himself up on an elbow, looking at me for a minute without saying anything. His face gets an unreadable expression, and I wish I could take back walking over.Then he observes, “I’m guessing that’s a uniform.”Crap. I’d forgotten I was still wearing it.

~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?”“How does McDonald’s sound?”“Inadequate.

~ Sarah Mayberry

When you sit that way, you look kind of like a beach ball with a head,” he continued. “Your haircut is really, really bad, I’m probably going to lose my job for helping you this way, and I’m dying to fuck you.” He glanced at her. “That honest enough for you?

~ Suzanne Brockmann

She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I’m confident I can trick her into it.

~ Robyn Carr

Excuse me? I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. Coffee? I thought we came here for pie. I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here. I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.

~ Janet Evanovich

They say money talks, but all mine ever says is 'good-bye sucker.

~ Jill Shalvis

Sophie, honey, stop looking at me like that,” Garrett said gruffly. “You’ll have me convinced I’m going to die.”“You’re not?

~ Maya Banks

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?”“What do you think?”“Then I’m not going to let you go.

~ Sarah Mayberry

Who’s there?”“The scratcher of your itch,” he said.She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. “Was that supposed to be romantic?

~ Jill Shalvis

Sarah, honey, I hardly think kidnappers are going to take the time to buy a memento of their stay. I could be wrong, but it seems rather unlikely.

~ Christine Feehan

He needed to gather her up, hold on to her, anything to help her stop trembling. Something was going to shake loose if she didn’t.

~ Tara Janzen

My mate is really, really weird.She is also absolutely covered in brown, mushy clay.She laughs and holds a large lump up to show it to me. Her mouth moves, and she makes enough noise to scare away a group of birds near the shore.She is so, so strange.

~ Shay Savage