Funny Quotes

My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.' 'I missed you too, Thurid.

~ Derek Landy

I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case.

~ P. Anastasia

Girls like good-looking guys, and I am not very good-looking. In fact, I sort of look like a pudding

~ Jesse Andrews

No one cares how long you kept yourself virgin and how loyal you are, everyone is looking for a hole to play with.

~ M.f. Moonzajer

Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes.

~ J.k. Rowling

I have a copy of you in my brain, when you make me angry I do very bad things to you.

~ M.f. Moonzajer

I’ve often been criticised, but never critically wounded

~ Johnny Rich

Whatcha do to Ricky Ricardo? Found him talking real fast in Spanish. Nothing. She looked at Tony. He's just moody, and the moodier he gets, the less you can understand him.

~ Sidney Halston

In third grade I thought I loved her - by sixth grade, I was sure of it

~ Emma Chase

We broke up in eighth grade when Tara-Mae Forrester offered to let me touch her boobs. And I did.

~ Emma Chase

Wyatt should’ve looked ridiculous sitting on the floor, leaning into the crate makingkissykiss noises at the cat, but he didn’t. He looked … mouthwatering. “Hey, sweet thing,” he said in a low cajoling voice. “Come on out. I’ll gonna love you up, I promise. You know you want some of that.”“Oh, please,” Emily said on a laugh to cover up the fact that her bones melted at thesound of him. “That’s never going to work—“But hell if the cat didn’t shift ever so slightly closer to Wyatt and sniff at him.Wyatt flashed both Sweetie and Emily a smile. “Aw, that’s it,” he crooned to thesuspicious, wary cat. “Come on, baby girl, all the way. I’ll be good to you, I promise.”Emily laughed again, even as she felt her nipples tighten. She crossed her arms over herchest. “Honestly, Wyatt, no selfrespecting female – cat or woman – is going to—

~ Jill Shalvis

Here.” He spread his legs wider and patted the floor between them. “You’ll be warmer, and I promise I won’t grope you or anything.”Yes, because getting groped by a handsome, charming man hours after getting dumped by a workaholic iceberg was such a repulsive notion.

~ Meg Maguire

Erm…I don’t know maybe for kissing me and tasting so damn delicious, maybe for holding my hand in public, maybe for looking far too hot in that sexy, snug tee when you should just be looking like Jo’s little brother. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I chose the much more sophisticated reaction of scowling, hard. I would have kicked him again, but I was convinced he’d moved his legs out of the way. Coward.” ~ Ella, A Perfect Moment

~ Becca Lee

It's hard to believe someone who walks around commanding so much attention with his acute cockiness, hard muscles, and tattoos would ever let someone like me bring him to his knees-and make no mistake, I bring him to his knees. I bring him to his knees, hard.

~ Skyla Madi

Ethan’s jaw dropped. Again he had underestimated her. Abruptly, he fought down a smile. “I don’t know whether to kiss you or arrest you.” She smiled up at him and again Ethan thought her lips were entirely too close to his. “You should kiss me,” she said, stunning him even more. “I guarantee it will be a lot more pleasant than arresting me...for both of us.

~ Kathryn Loch

Oh God, I’ve unleashed a monster, haven’t I?”“Nope. Just a red-blooded man, darlin’.

~ Leah Braemel

Just then Jagger walks in, his hair all ruffled and his body hard and firm. We all stop talking and stare as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it up.“Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer.” he mutters

~ Bec Botefuhr

I think he fucked me stupid- McKenzie Matthews- Being Beckett's

~ P.s. Berryman

Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name.

~ Jasinda Wilder

What is it about Paris that I just can’t keep my hands off of you?” I ask him in between kisses.“It has nothing to do with Paris and everything to do with my raw sexuality, baby. I’m fucking irresistible,” he growls just before he shoves his tongue down my th

~ Ella Dominguez

It was like my uterus was tapping out a happy dance on the rest of my organs. God, I was dying the longest, most tortuous, and arousing death in the history of the world.

~ Cora Carmack

There is no spoon.

~ Jim Butcher

A breath? she asked. She didn't want to kiss just any wooden man. He looked nice enough, but he might not be like his looks. A kiss seemed very forward. He might remember it, and make assumptions.

~ Garth Nix

Congratulations to your mom and dad for birth of a sweet child!Sorry that I couldn't wish them when you were born.

~ Hasil Paudyal

You'll be back! If you're not, then I'll come and find you. Now, do as I say and go have some fun. I want those eyes to have light in them next time I see you. He turned me around, smacked my arse and sent me on my way.

~ Lesley Jones

Hawke continued to walk beside his lieutenant— a man who, as a result of his incredible feats during the battle in San Francisco, now had a fan club. Complete with “I (heart) Judd” and “Judd Is My Boyfriend” memorabilia. In the normal course of events, civilians wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near the former Arrow, but it had been impossible to evacuate the entire city prior to the Pure Psy attack.

~ Nalini Singh

When have I ever given him the impression that I was okay with him just stopping by whenever he wanted to use my body as an organic garbage disposal?

~ Nash Summers

Honestly, he could be adorable, and at the moment she had the feeling he wasn't even trying.

~ Jen Turano

He sent Eliza a small smile before turning to Lawrence. What say you and I return to the hotel for a bit? I need to check on my daughter, and you need some time away from my sister. Not giving Lawrence an opportunity to reply, Grayson took him by the arm and hurried him out of the room.It was lovely to have a big brother again.

~ Jen Turano

Pop culture. Nobody does bullshit better than us. Right? China took over manufacturing. And the Middle East has us on fossil fuels. That's just geography and politics. We're a nation of whacko immigrants. Scavengers and con men. We crossed the ocean on faith, stole some land and stone-cold made up a whole country out of nothing but balls and bullshit. Superhero comics got invented by crazy genius Jews who showed up and revamped the refugee experience into a Man of Steel sent from Krypton with a secret identity.

~ Damon Suede

...leaning down for a quick peck on Jeff's lips, and then he starts squirming and rearranging and manhandling until somehow they end up with Dan in the middle, Jeff stretched out on his left side, Evan on his right. Dan isn't really sure how that happened, and he's not at all confident that it's a good idea.

~ Kate Sherwood

I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thyeyes—and moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncle’s.

~ William Shakespeare

It was easier when all we wanted to do was eat them and take their stuff,” he grumbled.And it had been easier when he hadn’t cared if he made any of them cry.

~ Anne Bishop

When I introduced you to Mary Ann, I wanted to call you my girlfriend, Elli,” he looked up at her to see her eyes were wide, “I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I’m not sure if I’ll do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing right, but the thought of you being with someone else, or me with someone else, actually hurts my gut, so I guess what I’m trying to say is,” he took a deep breath, this was huge, and he thought he sounded stupid but with the way her eyes were glazing over, maybe he was doing this right. “I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend.” She smiled at him lovingly, cupping his face in her hands.“Are you sure? I’m kinda crazy.” He laughed, kissing her palm.“I’m sure.”“Then, yes, Shea, I would love to be your girlfriend.

~ Toni Aleo

The sun weeps because it can no longer caress your skin or warm your lips. He sifted his fingers through my hair. I do not envy the sun, Eva. But I truly hate the moon, because its light touches you in all the ways I cannot.

~ Michele Bardsley

Every time you strip my sword, I owe you a kiss. How's that sound? I bit my lip to keep from giggling. That sounds really dirty. Patch waggled his brows. Look whose mind just rolled into the gutter.

~ Becca Fitzpatrick

Ready?Despite the grim mood, I smiled and cracked my knuckles. Ready to wrestle with my gorgeous boyfriend? Oh, I'd say I'm ready for that.Amusement softened his eyes. I'll try to control where I put my hands, but in the heat of things, who knows what could happen? I added. Patch grinned. Sounds promising.

~ Becca Fitzpatrick

Cowboy! she hollered.Every man on the street turned to stare at her.--pg.117

~ Lori Wilde

I don’t understand you, Pigeon. I thought I knew women, but you’re so fucking confusing I don’t know which way is up.”“I don’t understand you, either. You’re supposed to be Eastern’s ladies’ man. I’m not getting the full freshmen experience they promised in the brochure,” I teased.

~ Jamie Mcguire

You are not showing her my baby pictures!” He sounded horrified, which made me laugh. “Come on, Evan,” I teased with a laughing smile, “you were adorable.

~ Rebecca Donovan