Humor Quotes

Six months ago when she first came up with the idea to kill Wilson, back when she was living in Memphis, she'd started going to church again. Since she was spending so much time thinking about sinister things, the least she could do, she reasoned, was to think about God and his love twice a week at church so that she wouldn't become a total sociopath. And rather than kill other people who were stand-ins for the person she really wanted to kill, like serial killers did, she'd be kind and generous to others and hone in on the one who deserved to die. And her plan had worked extremely well. Since she'd started planning to kill Wilson, and then decided to destroy his family instead, she felt no animosity toward anyone but him. Almost none at all!

~ Elizabeth Stuckey-French

Lord of the Muck.

~ Ottilie Weber

The other good thing was that I had enough rank to strong-arm Marjit into confessing that she'd been the one who'd told everything to Pa about my first invisibility cap, which was how Pa knew to come steal it. Unfortunately, since my rank in the surface world hung off Pa's, I did NOT have enough rank to take him to task for stealing my cap. So I just put him to sleep during a fancy dinner, so that he went facedown into the sour soup. Just the once. It eased my ire terrifically.

~ Merrie Haskell

Keep your friends close, and your bunny friends closer.

~ Lawrenz Mejia

You’re wrong.”“I am?”“I thought things through this time around. I even managed to restrain myself.”Theo stared at her, incredulous. “You did.”“I thought about kicking him in the balls, but I didn’t. I figured that would be over kill.” - Rendezvous with Destiny

~ Jess Schira

How well I know you by your deeds and how invariably you succeed in living down to what one expects of you!

~ Alexandre Dumas

I was rolling the dead warrior over to steal his cloak, too, knowing it would be far too large on me, when I noticed the blade stashed in the back of his belt. It was solid in my hand, and its blade was sawlike. It would be perfect for gutting the Astonian queen and her traitorous paramour.- Charlaina di Heyse

~ Kimberly Derting

When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time

~ Josh Stern

Never run after a man or a bus, there's always another one in five minutes.

~ Cherry Adair

Lucy woke with the munchies the night the kidnappers came for her.

~ Pamela Burford

She swore she'd never turn into her P.I. father...but that was before she ran over the body.

~ Lida Sideris

You don't have to be religious to hear God, you just have to be willing, and there's a big difference between the two.

~ Karyn Rae

If I’m going down, I’m going down with lipstick on.” ~Maggie Mae Castro

~ Beth Yarnall

What exactly does the I in FBI stand for?” ~Maggie Mae Castro

~ Beth Yarnall

Great. This girl was going to seriously mess with my ability to stay on parole. ~Maggie Mae Castro

~ Beth Yarnall

Really? Assaulting an officer? That’s a new one for you.” ~ FBI Special Agent Clive Poole to Maggie Mae Castro

~ Beth Yarnall

You have a very attractive revenge streak in you. I like it. A lot.” ~Maggie Mae Castro to FBI Special Agent Clive Poole

~ Beth Yarnall

Stay on my six, he said, nuzzling the hair at her ear and breathing deeply the sweet scent of her.You remember what that is, right?It's your ass.

~ Lynn Raye Harris

Here, I stole it for you. Why don’t you tell me what it’s for.”“Aw, Sophronia, how thoughtful. You brought me a present!

~ Gail Carriger

Live in the present. Don't think about things that aren't happening. Definitely don't think about eating cheeseburgers when you're not eating cheeseburgers. First of all, it's not happening. Second of all, it'll just make you hungry.

~ Amber Heart

No time better than the present,’ I always say. Or was that, ‘Nothing is better than a present’? I forget.

~ Kaza Kingsley

Mermon's tiny black dot eyes managed to widen into larger black dots. No, no, no, Sir. I was just... curious. Curiosity is a good thing, like onion soup. But too much onion soup makes you breath smell terrible. and too much curiosity can make your whole body smell terrible, if it causes you to be dead. Veenie nodded carefully; it was a strange threat, but a threat nonetheless.

~ Michael Reisman

Ten minutes later, I chance a second look. They say curiosity killed the cat. I wonder what that cat was looking at, and was it as interesting as this?

~ Sheena Hutchinson

Miss Fitt, you know curiosity gets men killed.I grinned. Then I daresay it's good I'm a woman.

~ Susan Dennard

Well enough,” I reply. “Remember, you’re drunk. And happy. You’re supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little mo

~ Marie Lu

I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing '80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn't part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend.

~ Ernest Cline

Blood rushed to the regions of my body that I associated with naughtiness, and I was powerless to stop it.

~ Kat Lowe

Piper’s lust was like a single bear trap in the wilderness. It was nearly impossible to find if you were looking for it, but it was something you wanted to be prepared for if you stepped into it by accident.

~ Maggie Stiefvater

Amazing how a confluence of praise and lust can just make your defensive barriers collapse like Jell-O on a hot stove

~ Dan Skinner

I wanted desperately to get all hot and sweaty with this guy, but I knew from experience that hormones affected my sensibilities like alcohol or pot. In the throes of passion I tend to vow my eternal love to a penis I might use and abuse, with little regard for the man connected to it. I'm trying to keep that habit.

~ Susan Volland

A loud, purposeful knock on the front door froze him in place with his fist over the fabric. “Hey, dude, it’s me. I brought you all four Bloodsport movies. Open up!” Jason’s voice filtered past the front door, and he and Violet flew apart like teenagers at a party raid. No way. This wasn’t happening. He had not just gotten cock-blocked by his best friend and partner, AKA the only living relative of the woman he’d very nearly stripped naked in his front hallway.

~ Kimberly Kincaid

Douglas’s fridge was a stainless-steel masterpiece. I’m not that into appliances or anything, but this one was nice and probably cost more than my last apartment. I had the strange desire to hug it every time I came into the kitchen.

~ Lish Mcbride

When they reached the stairs, he didn’t make her climb them herself. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the big bathroom off their bedroom. He didn’t speak, his expression didn’t soften. But he was hard. His cock was like a poker, steely and hot against her hip. His eyes blazed with lust.

~ Lora Leigh

. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.

~ Robin Brande

I spent hours yesterday talking of little but medical symptoms and insane asylums. And you listened as though it were poetry and all but swooned at my feet. It is too bad I don't have any medical treatises about. I'm sure I need read a paragraph or two, and you will become ravenous with lust and begin tearing my clothes off. (Dorian from The Mad Earl's Bride)

~ Loretta Chase

The therapist, he thought, and it bothered him a lot more than it should have. After all, he had nothing permanent with Sophie. He just needed to touch her on a semiregular basis or he couldn't finish his sentences.

~ Jennifer Crusie

I was looped in on your little romantic quest. The only way to get me out without it looking suspicious was to suggest that I come after you dumb asses, since I supposedly know your crappy personality so well.

~ Alexandra Bracken

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about what could have been. It’s too unbearable.

~ Sophie Kinsella

I had found by experience that putting things down on paper helped to clear the mind in precisely the same way, as Mrs. Mullet had taught me, that an eggshell clarifies the consommé or the coffee, which, of course, is a simple matter of chemistry. The albumin contained in the eggshell has the property of collecting and binding the rubbish that floats in the dark liquid, which can then be removed and discarded in a single reeking clot: a perfect description of the writing process.

~ Alan Bradley

Writers don't kill characters. Characters kill characters.

~ Marialisa Demora