Humor Quotes

Ridcully sighed.'All right, you fellows,' he said. 'No magic at Table, you know the rules. Who's playing silly buggers?'The other senior wizards stared at him.'I, I, I don't think we can play it any more,' said the Bursar, who at the moment was only occasionally bouncing off the sides of sanity, 'I, I, I think we lost some of the pieces...

~ Terry Pratchett

We're authors. We're more than a little unstable.

~ Megan Linski

You walk a fine line between beautifully macabre and uncharacteristically psychotic.

~ Solange Nicole

The nightmare of Trump is not that he doesn't care what people think, it's that he desperately cares what people think.

~ Penn Jillette

You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that.

~ Albert Camus

I don’t care what other people think about me. Most people are idiots, and they can think whatever they want.

~ Ida Løkås

The common denominator of all jokes is a path of expectation that is diverted by an unexpected twist necessitating a complete reinterpretation of all the previous facts — the punch-line…Reinterpretation alone is insufficient. The new model must be inconsequential. For example, a portly gentleman walking toward his car slips on a banana peel and falls. If he breaks his head and blood spills out, obviously you are not going to laugh. You are going to rush to the telephone and call an ambulance. But if he simply wipes off the goo from his face, looks around him, and then gets up, you start laughing. The reason is, I suggest, because now you know it’s inconsequential, no real harm has been done. I would argue that laughter is nature’s way of signaling that it’s a false alarm. Why is this useful from an evolutionary standpoint? I suggest that the rhythmic staccato sound of laughter evolved to inform our kin who share our genes; don’t waste your precious resources on this situation; it’s a false alarm. Laughter is nature’s OK signal.

~ V.s. Ramachandran

Laughter is the stubborn reward of grim times.

~ Edward Mcpherson

We're all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

~ Will Rodgers

Everyone knows how people who laugh easily create us by their laughter,--making us think of funnier and funnier things.

~ Brenda Ueland

My soul is chaos, how can it be at all? There is everything in me: search and you will find out ... in me anything is possible, for I am he who at the supreme moment, in front of absolute nothingness, will laugh.

~ Emil M. Cioran

When David wasn't ruling, he would ponder all the various forms of laughter there could be. So far, he had only categorized four: laughter at your own expense, laughter at the expense of others, laughter at the human predicament, and laughter at small animals falling off tables.

~ Jonathan Goldstein

By going ah and hah they were able to lift the unrelenting pain of their dark, bestial days into something more recreational. It is only through the godly gift of humor that man endures the horror. What other faculty allows you to turn pain into triumph? Tears of sadness into tears of laughing too hard?

~ Jonathan Goldstein

if you can’t make a joke at a time like this, what’s the point of living?

~ Chloe Neill

You are incorrigible.” “I know.” She sighed happily. “All the shit we’ve been through—all the shit I’ve been through—and I can still make lascivious jokes with the best of them. That’s impressive, Merit. That’s character.

~ Chloe Neill

She laughed - a bit louder than I could have wished in my frail state of health, but then she is always a woman who tends to bring plaster falling from the ceiling when amused.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

God, don't laugh! Jamie said, alarmed. I didna mean to make ye laugh! Christ, Jenny will kill me if ye cough up a lung and die out here!

~ Diana Gabaldon

The distance had been evaporated by humor

~ Davis Bunn

If you can't laugh at yourself, don't worry others will…!

~ James A. Murphy

The preacher released a pent-up breath as he sagged in relief. “Thank God he's gone.” His eyes narrowed at Alexander as he bit out, “Did you know that man had the nerve to lasso me while I was out in the woods?

~ Rose Wynters

It had been an embarrassing moment, like the one you get when you realize for the first time that you have what it takes to become an accountant.

~ Sorin Suciu

Many things have been compared to a brick, mainly as a tribute to their intellect or to their aerodynamic characteristics.

~ Sorin Suciu

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

~ Langston Hughes

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it’s free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE.

~ Mindy Levy

Jake's POV: Meanwhile, Ally was here with Marshall Moss, who she was obviously going to hook up with later. They'd barely stopped touching each other all night. Even now, they were out in the middle of the dance floor dancing to some Black Eyed Peas song. No reason to be touching for a fast song, but they were. Holding hands while they bounced around with friends.She looked happy. Which made me want to punch someone. Preferably Marshall Moss.

~ Kieran Scott

Jake's POV: It was just too bad that Chloe was freezing Ally out even though her family hadn't been affected. Because otherwise Ally would be here and maybe I could be making out with her instead of Lisa Freckles. Except that Ally would be making out with David Drake. Was that what they were doing right now? Hooking up at some party? Dorkus Drake got to kiss Ally Ryan whenever he wanted. In what universe was that okay?

~ Kieran Scott

Animosity killed the elephant.

~ Kevin Dalton

Dennis faced him. They glared at each other again. Neither said a word until Dennis set the glasses down, leaned back against the counter, and folded his arms over his chest. You're an idiot. Seems to be a common conclusion. You're not my favourite person right now either.

~ Sloan Parker

Rachel crossed her arms. “And the other three Oracles? I’m sure none of them was a beautiful young priestess whom you praised for her…what was it?…‘scintillating conversation’?”“Ah…” I wasn’t sure why, but it felt like my acne was turning into live insects and crawling across my face. “Well, according to my extensive research—”“Some books he flipped through last night,” Meg clarified.

~ Rick Riordan

A part of me wants to spin around and slam the bottom of my heel into her head. In kick-boxing, we'd call that a Spinning Back Kick. Here, it's called, how to get my crazy jealous ass fired. There's no way I'd get a thumbs up from Cain on that part.

~ K.a. Tucker

They were the kind of couple you rolled your eyes at. The couple you wanted to punch square in their perfect noses, but secretly hoped would become your new best friends and invite you to a private dinner party where you’d eat something made with truffle oil and share a rueful laugh about the party scene in Ibiza.

~ Matt K. Turner

The poacher's murderer was a man after Archer's own heart, for Archer also didn't like men to hurt Fire or make her acquaintance.

~ Kristin Cashore

Did you talk to him about it?Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.Maydar?As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure.

~ Rachel Caine

Fortunately for Alan’s sake, Frank preferred beauty over age so I had no need to defend my territory.

~ Nicole Castle

Now, now.” I placed a hand on his back. “Jealousy colors you black, Geoff. If you wanted to be a pretty princess too, I would have bought you a crown. I’ll be back soon.

~ Katherine Mcintyre

Please don’t hug me. Please don’t hug me.But she did. And now Bram had two sets of black eyes glaring at him.Finally, he said out loud, “It’s not me! I swear!” Rhiannon laughed and leaned back from Bram. “So cute! Isn’t he cute, Bercelak?” “No.”“Bercelak’s only teasing.” “No, I’m not.

~ G.a. Aiken

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.

~ Gustave Eiffel

I don’t have a crush on her! Yet!”“Say no more, Dylan-whatever your middle name is-Blair!”“David.”“Whatever. By the power and duty of big brother, I command you to not have a crush on my sister, until I know you better enough!”“That’s actually quite fair.” “But I don’t have a crush on her!

~ Rea Lidde

Is that an invitation?”“I suppose it is.”“Good.” Cade’s voice dropped lower, adding one last thing before hanging up. “And tell your friend in the striped shirt that he’s in my seat.

~ Julie James

Before Charlotte could utter a syllable, Tristan picked up her gloved hand and kissed her lightly on theknuckles.“Good day, Charlotte,” he said.“Good day,” she answered. She turned to bid farewell to Lady Rosalind, but she seemed to havedisappeared.Numbly, she descended the front steps toward a waiting Rothbury, who only had eyes for the Devines’front door, looking quite like he wanted to murder someone.“Perfection, dear brother,” Rosalind proclaimed, while peeking out the little window next to the door.“Utter perfection.”Slipping a finger inside his cravat to loosen it a bit, Tristan craned his neck from side to side, easing thebuilding tension. “If he kills me, I’ll see to it that you get hanged for murder as well.

~ Olivia Parker